Hi everyone. I'm new here. I'm hoping for some advice, if anyone can help. The problem I am having is that I feel very alone. YOu see, I've been battling this anxiety/depression steadily for over a year. It's been really tough, as I am sure many of you can relate. On the bright side, this program has really helped me to break free in a lot of ways. I really let go of a lot of people when this first started. I was afraid people wouldn't like me or find me weird so I just stayed home alone and I rarely went out and had any fun. Now that I am finally coming to a head with all of this and feeling like a brand new person, I want to go out and shine and call up my friends and just have a great time. The thing is that they've forgotten about me. I've always been sort of shy, but I never thought I could be invisible! They never call, or invite me out when there's things going on. I feel really sad because of it. But the worse part is that when I do go out with them I feel like such a different person from who I used to be and its hard to relate to them the same. They're really great people, but they party alot which means they drink alot, and I don't do that naymore. This condition has really changed me in alot of ways. IT's made me want to make changes to improve myself and I'm afraid I've changed so much that the people I always used to feel comfortable with, don't even recognize me anymore. I'm scared that I will always be a loner because of the anxiety, even when it does good things for me. Does anyone have any tips on how to meet people and get back in to socializing?

Well, I haven't even ordered the program, but I can tell you two things to think about that should make you feel better:

1. I have suffered way longer from this crap than the amount of time you indicated. I am 36 years old and remember being this way all of my life.

2. I am not sure exactly how long, but it has been years since anyone, including my "friends", other than 2 people have called my house for ANYTHING. The two people that DO call should not come as a surprise if you are familiar with the baggage we sufferers carry. One of them is a "friend" who has this condition almost as severely as I do, but not quite as bad, and calls because it makes him feel better to hear how bad I feel (it has beeen common for us to discuss our mental problems since the day we found out we both suffered from severe anxiety and depression). The other is a "friend" who has figured out that I have a problem saying "no" when smeone asks me for help, and calls to take advantage of me in whatever way he can get away with. And he is, and has been for years, VERY succesful at it.

So, look at it this way...you could be in as bad of a state as I am.

NOtafraid,

This condition does change who we are. We have learned alot about life and we are actually more able to help others thru a rough period of time. ITs ok if you need to find new friends and dont mesh with the old ones. Doesnt mean you can't hang out with them here and there. Find some activities that you enjoy and I'm sure you will begin to meet new people. There are clubs for all kinds of things. Im glad to hear you are doing so well. Keep up the good work and go enjoy yourself.

Reena

AD, thanks for sharing your story. Sorry to hear that things are so rough for you. I hope that you are considering ordering the program because I'm sure you will find it very helpful, especially for learning skills in saying 'no' to people and sticking up for yourself. Good luck!

Reena, thanks for your advice. Problem is that I'm still really shy and very much a loner, which I don't always mind, its just that sometimes its nice to have company, you know?

I think the loneliness is part of our recovery. It means that we continue to make healthier choices. I have experienced some really lonely times because I didn't feel I could compromise my values just to have some company. I consider myself an open-minded, flexible person - but the people I seem to have oportunity to be with require that I agree with them and their lifestyle 100%. If I don't, I can feel their mood toward me change and it gets uncomfortable.

No advice, but I do sympathize with what you are feeling.

Tammy

You know, I've found that in a roundabout way, loneliness is part of the problem. Bear with me on this one.

I'm a pretty solitary sort of person. I have a gazillion interests that I enjoy spending time on, I work hard at a job I love, and I go to bed in plenty of time to get a good night's sleep - in short, when some people are just starting their evening. I like it this way. In fact, when whole bunches of people start calling, or there's a rare string of eating-out-for-birthdays or such, it can be a royal pain in the neck.

But now and then, I still get all wrapped up in the loneliness issue. It took me a while to realize that for me, being concerned about how many friends, why, when, wherefore, and what it all says about me and my interactions with the world, were... (say it with me now)

... an obsessive thought.

Yep, ladies and gentlemen, no matter what it is, or how valid it seems, if it's a single theme that seems stuckish in your head, it's time to pull out the ruler and see if it measures up to the criteria for an obsessive thought.

The human mind is an amazing thing.

notafraid,

I can see why you feel this way. In a way those old friends are part of what was good for the way you were before, and now that youve changed its like you need new friends who respect you for who you are NOW. If those people took advantage of you they were never your friends in the 1st place. Don't be afraid to meet new people who are good for ya!

WayStone,

That is so true! I know that somewhere in the back of mind I was aware of doing that, but of course I never see it as a problem! I spent the whole weekend worrying about why no one called me, why I always had to call them, why they never invite me out to do stuff anymore and I didn't get anything accomplished that I wanted to do because I was so busy obsessing over them. And you know what they did all weekend? THey drank their faces off at the lake and passed out drunk on the beach (seriously)....fun? Not for me.

...But the lonliness still sucks

I'm making alot of life changes right now including a new job and starting school again. Those are both very stressful things and I guess I've been distracting myself ny obsessing over other stuff so that I don't have to think about them because I'm kind of scared

ANd now, time to concentrate on the important stuff.... yikes!

Thanks again WS, that was a really solid insight!

Hi Everyone

I just wanted to say I can really relate to loneliness. I have never felt so alone in my life. My husband, of 21 years, just asked me for a divorce. I've been through the program and have really been trying to change some things by "baby steps". My friends have shyed away and I have shyed away from them with this anxiety. But, this kind of loneliness hurts to the bottom of my soul. I actually physically ache.

Thank you for your posts.

Hi All,

I can sure relate to feelings of lonliness. I have always been shy and had a hard time making friends. Most of the time, I feel like I just don't fit in. I have been married 17 years and it is even worse to live with someone and still feel so lonely. (My husband works a lot and when he's home, he's often tired and watches tv or is on the computer). I finally met a neighbor who also suffers from anxiety and feel like I can talk to her about anything. All of a sudden, I feel like I fit in somewhere. I'm hoping what they say in the program proves true, that after becoming a positive person, I will find other positive people to spend time with.

Curly

Have you thought about AA? I think they often plan non-drinking fun activities. Just a thought.

Church is a GREAT place to meet people and make friends!