It's been a while since I made a post, but after my most recent growth experience, I thought it was time to share. After being home bound for over two years with agoraphobia and panic attacks, and going through the program, I took a part-time job, which required me to make a 20 minute drive each way every day. Driving was one of my hurdles to get over too. This was such an important step for me to take to regain my self esteem and feelings of usefullness. I had some set backs along the way, some very anxious days when I my husband drove me to work, but I still went and usually I felt better as the day wore on. I relied on the breathing techniques often. I sustained a back injury during this time and that was the worst, being side-lined again for 4 weeks, but I eventually went back to work, but only for a two more months at this particular job. As much as I went into the position with much enthusiasm, I came to see pretty quickly that it was a poor match, but I hung in there for as long as I could. Eventually, I just had to realize that I "could not change" the situation, but I could change what I could do and had the courage once more to resign from a job that was so frustrating and unsatisfying. In the past I would have just have accepted things and stayed, but I have found a new found sense of self-appreciation and I knew my talents and skills were being wasted there. So, another challenge awaits me. I didn't like leaving without having another job, but I am having company over the summer and I just had make my decision - it was time. Although the job didn't work out for me, I feel that I have gained many valuable things - it got me out of the house and got me driving again. I even began to feel good enough to actually stop and grocery shop on the way home and go into Home Depot too, which I would have never done before. I rediscovered my abilities and know that I have much to offer the work place. I've learned that I will not allow myself to accept unacceptable behavior and working conditions that I know will not change - I deserve better!

My biggest hurdle right now is giving myself the luxury of resting on my lorals if only for the month of July, when my company arrives and patting myself on the back for what I have accomplished especially under less than desirable conditions.

My company (my beloved 7 year old grandson) doesn't arrive until June 30 and I know we anxiety types tend to be very hard on ourselves and I am already starting. Here it is, day three of not having a routine and I'm experiencing anxiety again. I just got the latest newsletter and I read about 'floating', so I am allowing myself to feel anxious and just trying to float with it.

Any ideas and comments I can use to help me through this time of transition while waiting for my grandson to arrive? I'm already feeling "useless". Isn't that awful? My biggest hurdle is just allowing myself to relax and not worrying about doing something all the time. It's hard to just 'be' sometimes, isn't it?

Anyway, that's my courage story - I hope it was encouraging to you.

I love the Less Stress Press newsletter - I see you have a new format - LOOKS GREAT!

Calico

Calico...hello...first, I'd like to clap and cheer for the victories you have seen lately...as I myself know, every step (however small) is still forward motion.

I am new to the Forum here and to the Program...but your Post about the Serenity Prayer caught my eye. I've been quoting it to myself a lot lately...I am a Christian who loves God and believes He has help and healing for all sorts of problems (including "thinking" problems) and the poet who penned the Serenity Prayer must have believed it too. It seems to speak of more than "obediance" for a spiritual pat on the head, but of a way to view the everyday anxieties of life. It's definately a "day by day" attitude isn't it??? That's what those of us who suffer the debilitation of fear and anxiety have to grab onto.

As for the days leading up to the arrival of your Houseguest, I have a suggestion: in my journey of trying to "find my smile," I have a couple of VERY good friends who love me. One of them has been encouraging me to "find" me in my creative self...I've seldom written or drawn or gardened or knitted or crafted anything...I did some writing in my teen years, but it's been YEARS since I really "expressed" myself. When she made the suggestion, I readily agreed with her, but I didn't realize how difficult it would be. Strangely enough, the difficulty alerted me to just how right on she really was.

My suggestion to you is to spend this time before your visitor comes discovering what you like to do...ask yourself what you admire about the the kinds of things OTHER people do and find a way to get involved...Even if it's just watching them do it at first...writing, knitting, gardening, tennis...whatever. Find someone to WATCH and tell yourself, "Hey! I can do that too!" I'm nowhere near the ability to go do anything I set my mind to, but I must find things -- little things --- that make life worth living. I pray you are able to do the same.

God Bless...and I hope the visit goes wonderfully! ~Hope6_18~

Greetings Hope - It is always wonderful to meet a sister in the Lord on this journey. Thank you for your words of encouragement - I actually am doing much better since I wrote that post - I am more relaxed and am being gentler on myself. Welcome to this board and to the program. I "graduated" from the program 2 years ago, but I'm still in recovery. The program gave me a great foundation, but it takes lots of practice to undo a lifetime of anxiety related behavior. I wish you every success on your journey, Hope. God bless, Calico

Hello Calico,

Congrtulations!!!
Lately I've been able to relate to Aesops' fable of the turtle and the hare, for I now always remember that "slow and steady wins the race." You've obviously have learned this lesson well.

To entretain yourself while at the same time not loosing any momentum from what you've learned, I would suggest some volunteer work. Is there a child care center or school near by? I'm sure they could use and would love the extra help. How about a food bank, or soup kitchen? Or anything worthwhile in your community that would empower you to continue on your road to recovery.

You can even take your grandson with you once he arrives. It's always good for children to see the adults in their lives giving back to the community.

You can also incorporate Hope's idea into your grandson's visit. Figure out what you like but also what you and your grandson would like to do together for the month of July. What does he likes? What free happenings are going on at your local library (also a good place to volunteer)? In the community at large? Swimming pool schedule hours? Free concerts in the park? Walks? Bike riding? Etc., etc., etc.,

If I can be of any more help, let me know. I'm but a click away

Great hearing from you Cutufa. Thanks for all the great ideas. My mind has been working overtime just thinking of things to do with him. Last year it was Pokemon, but I really think he spends way too much time playing video games, so this year, I want to encourge him to use his own imagination more-so I just picked up the first book in the Harry Potter series - it just came out in paperback. I know the reading level may be a bit difficult for him yet, so I intend to read to him every day - I've heard adults enjoy the series just as much as the kids so I am excited to share this experience with him. It's going to be a month of many books and many trips to the library and I'm sure we'll be by the pool almost every afternoon. Also my husband will be taking him to work with him for a couple of hours a week just to bum around with him. I am so excited - I just can't wait til he gets here. If it's anything like last year's visit, we should spend quite a bit on vanilla ice cream cones at Dairy Queen too - yummmmmmmmmmmm! Thanks again, Calico

P.S. Just a cute side note - but since he was just a baby I've always sang the 60's song, The Name Game, to him - so to this day he calls me Nana Banana! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

Calico,

Harry Potter books are great. I've read all of them except for the last one. If you plan to read it with him, he will enjoy it very much. Many of the children reading, Potter books a bit older than your grandson. However, younger children enjoy it being read to just as well. "Silverwing" by Kenneth Opal is a good book as well for the same age group as the Potter series.

It sounds like you have the month of July all figured out. Hey, you can even create a board game based on the Potter book with some cardboard and crayons....

Have fun!