I'm interested to hear other's thoughts on this. There are underlying things that our anxiety distracts us from. And as we get stronger we have to face them, good or bad.... What are yours?

I want to create art and write, but I'm afraid it won't be good enough, so I procrastinate. When i am overwhelmed by anxiety, I can focus on that and avoid taking responsibility for making my dreams come true and making decisions.It can almost be more comfortable than dealing with living my best life and the challenges it brings.

Dear Mintflower,
I can relate. Anxiety does indeed keep us from doing something we might want to do. But the fear of doing it is so strong that we might be questioning ourselves about many things - are we good enough, do we really want this, what if this happens or that happens, etc.

As someone once said: those who have no fears think of ways of how to achieve their dreams; those who are afraid, think of reasons they can't do it. We all do this to ourselves. Darn anxiety!

I remember 4 years ago, when I had the most severe anxiety, I thought I could not do anything. I doubted myself on every step I took. I was either not good enough, or too sick, or [insert any other reason here].
I was in college then. It was my sophomore year, but I still haven't found my niche. I had a few friends from high school at that time, but pretty much no new college friends. I was very lonely. And then, absolutely by accident, I met a few (about 20 or so!!!) people who shared my interests, who cared about the same things. We formed a club; I volunteered to formalize everything, and was unanimously chosen president. Boy, did that boost my ego! On top of that, I found a few other organizations, and got leadership positions there too! So now, I was doing what I loved, I had a lot of people who liked me and cared for me, and whom I liked and cared for! On top of that, I proved to myself that I had great leadership skills. But, most importantly, I was busy. I couldn't think about the things that distracted me before. Anxiety somewhat automatically dissipated, and I was left with a wonderful college experience!

A big part of my experience was luck. Yes, the people I met were wonderful, I was doing exactly what I wanted, etc. But, a lot of the things I made happen. So, what I mean is, when G-d opens a door in front of you, walk through it. When it's a window, climb through it. Take every opportunity!

Recently, I had an anxiety relapse. For about a month, I have been obsessing about things that are mostly out of my control and about which I cannot do anything now. And then I realized: I no longer was doing something that I loved so much - I was no longer involved in many activities. On Thursday, I e-mailed a bunch of friends about organizing a few get-togethers. I would be doing something that I love, I would be seeing a lot of people that I really cared about. So, rather than anticipating in fear the things I was obsessing about, I am not anticipating with excitement the get-togethers. Hurray for positive replacements! And yes, my anxiety is still there. But I push it away and think about something that is so positive that I'm doing.

You think you might not be a good enough artist or writer. Says who? Good enough for whom? Do you enjoy doing the stuff? Do you enjoy writing and painting? Then you are automatically good enough, because the things that you do give you pleasure! And think of all these famous artists who were considered to be "nothing special" during their lifetimes. I was just recently in the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam. Only posthumously did the people start appreciating his work. But he painted anyway, because he enjoyed it (at least I think that's why he did it). And if Ms. Jones and Mr. Smith who live 27 miles away don't particularly like what you paint - guess what? It's their problem. Just like if someone were to come to an event that I organized and didn't enjoy him/herself while everyone else was having fun. I'm not perfect, I can't make absolutely everyone like what I do or who I am or the way I do things, and it's not something I try to do.

I hope that this is helpful. And I hope that you don't let anxiety stop you from becoming a person that may someday be revered as much as Van Gogh is today.

mr.anxious

quote:

Originally posted by mintflower:
I'm interested to hear other's thoughts on this. There are underlying things that our anxiety distracts us from. And as we get stronger we have to face them, good or bad.... What are yours?

I want to create art and write, but I'm afraid it won't be good enough, so I procrastinate. When i am overwhelmed by anxiety, I can focus on that and avoid taking responsibility for making my dreams come true and making decisions.It can almost be more comfortable than dealing with living my best life and the challenges it brings.

Good insight. My next thought is: what is good enough? Good enough for me, or good enough for joe public? Why should I be afraid to try and fail? How much self esteem can I keep sitting on my dream? It's all about taking a risk. I know what you are talking about bc I am currently trying to muster some courage to take a risk. I'm taking it slow but I'm not giving up on it. I know from experience that just trying and finding out gives me peace of mind.

i was in a life situation that i was not happy with and i knew it on some deep level but i would never allow myself to actually entertain the possibility of not wanting to be in the situation anymore. now i can see it all fairly clearly, as things developed and i became more involved in the situation my behaviors became worse and worse. i had always been one to feel anxiety and depression and as i vested myself further and further into this situation these behaviors became more and more a part of my reality. i eventualy found the program, or the universe put it in front of me, and when i first began going through the tapes i could hear my mind say "i cant be like this (recover and let go of these behaviors) because it would mean admitting to how i feel about this situation and having to own up to it and change it". all i am saying is at times it is very unclear what we may be trying to protect ourselves from but once we peal back the layers of the onion it becomes obvious and apparent. even now i find myself challenged by behaviors i wish to change, almost as if my mind i clinging to anything that will scare me back to where i think i am "safe". i have changed my situation and the change is very challenging for the old situation was something i clung to very deeply and very tightly so it requires daily work and constant effort to keep me headed in the right direction. the feeling though of knowing i am doing what i really want with my life and that i am headed down the right path is priceless and worth all the effort. dont give up, just dont. renew your belief every day all day long that you are on the right path with the universe as your guide and that you have nothing to fear for when you are living to your fullest potential there is nor such a thing as failure and therefore fear has no power over you. also a good book i read is "who moved my cheese", its all about change, facing ones fears and developing new powerful beliefs about oneself. good luck and remember the force is always with you all you have to do is walk to the edge and take that leap of faith, nothing is that serious or can ever be all that bad.

WOW! loved your post mr. anxious and jess, and teresa..your insight is very uplifting..very good.

I really enjoyed reading these posts. I've recently started listening to the Lesson 12 tape again. I always gain new insight every time I here these tapes or read these postings.

Until about 3 months ago, I let anxiety not allow me to end a bad relationship of 13 years. He was my "college sweetheart" and I thought we would always be together. He was my safe person. Until recently, I could not admit to myself that we were not a good match.

We are both great people but just want very different things out of life. I could never fact that before because I was so afraid of being "alone".

The past few months have been insightful. I still look back at question, "am I doing the right thing?" What if, this/that....When I start obessessing, I know it's time to listen to a tape, do the relaxation,tape, some yoga, take care of myself.

Wishing everyone happiness and peace.

Ally

I really enjoyed these posts. They are very encouraging and I read them when I'm at work to help me stay positive and not let the negative comments/people get in the way. I tend to dwell on the seemingly negative comments toward me and analyze them(i try to figure out what made them say that, why and how could I change them, etc). I don't usually get anything positive out of doing that and it is something I want to keep working on. Any advice is welcomed: ) Thanks

Sometimes it's easier to stay in our pain because if we take risks (exposure therapy, for example) and put ourselves in situations that will create anxiety, the feeling is so frightening that we back off and go to our "safe" (but very restrictive) place.

So - avoiding anxiety is another reason for not moving forward. "I don't have to do this or do that because I'll have anxiety if I do." Which is the whole point. Step out. Take those risks and feel anxiety repeatedly over and over again - that's how to desensitize. When you can prove to yourself over and over again that the feelings will not hurt you, you stop avoiding and move forward no matter how you are feeling.

I was told recently that anxiety is not the problem. Avoidance is. So if there are things out there that you want to do but don't do because of your anxious feelings or anxious messages that you receive from inside yourself-do them anyway. Feel the insecurity, the discomfort. Those feelings will pass. They won't hurt you, and those feelings will not last for long.

When I questioned benefits of depression(can include anxiety as well), it is the avoidance of confronting people or my fears is what it is all about. Being Depressed/ Anxious to cause people not to be so mad at me bc they don't want to make me worse. Depression and anxiety can also be very familiar since dealing with these problems for most of my 33 years and don't know much else or think to deserve much else. Trying to believe I do deserve better and retrain my thinking. I have been taking more risks this year with confronting people than ever which has lead to anxiety attacks then panic attacks. I am over the panic attacks and trying to believe that I will be over the anxiety attacks someday. To keep remembering to relax and think and get help when needed since I deserve the help.

AmandaJ

So i recently went back to the program one night, after going through a rough patch. I have suffered from IBS for 11 yrs and had been doing so great that my symptoms had all but vanished. Then suddenly, about a month ago, I started having horrible flare ups and new symptoms. I was terrified of something new being wrong with me or of my IBS getting bad or even worse then it used to be, since it is a chronic condition and not very much can be done.

After listening to my tapes again, I realized I was having a setback (or "growth spurt", as Lucinda calls it in the program), because I was realizing how well I was doing and all the progress I'd made. It scared me to not have anxiety and depression because it meant that I would have to start being responsible for myself, it justified, in my mind, not beating myself up when my family's expectations are too high for me. Getting better would mean I would have to start being the really,really social person I am at heart and facing my fears of feeling excluded, getting hurt, and getting treated badly by friends.

And most of all, giving up anxiety and depression would mean leaving my mother behind in her own depression and anxiety, For years now, having this condition in common was the main way we bonded and forged a relationship-before this we had a horrible, angry relationship. This condition made us closer. I fear that my mom won't know how to love me the same when I become so different from her. I fear that I won't have support to be the new person I want to be because I don't know anyone right now that thinks that way.

Realizing that this was my main issue that was holding me back happened just this week when I was forced to stick up for myself against a "frenemy". It was the first time in nearly forever I chose to stick up for myself instead of going with what the person wanted, but this time it felt right to stand my ground. While going thru this I foolishly talked to my mom for support, somehow expecting her to not tell me my old way of thinking was right. So of course, I got off the phone realizing just how different me and my mom were becoming-and it scared the crap out of me. Here I was, a 20 yr. old girl who had always felt like I was on the verge of having all the girls hating me and doing anything I could to stop that-completely sticking up for myself and not caring what people thought. At the same time, my mother was in shock at what I had done, and reminded me where I had gotten all those rotten ideas in the first place. "This girl's in your sorority, is this going to be a problem now? What if she starts a war over this, its not worth it. blahblahblah."

and so here I am, it's almost 4in the morning and I can't sleep because it's taken me all day of feeling depressed and anxious to figure out that I am scared to be different from my family. Of course, I started getting the usual stomach pains and feeling nauseous/cramps, and after finally crying and releasing some of that negative energy, my brain starting working right and I could finally figure this stuff out.

I'm not sure if this can help any of you but I hope, (well i know) that I'm not the only person who feels this way. I know I will find people who are stronger who can support me while still being super close to my mom. Was this anyone else's positive gain from anxiety/depression: risking having your family/friends not like you?

quote:

And most of all, giving up anxiety and depression would mean leaving my mother behind in her own depression and anxiety

I know this is an older post...but this phrase hit me like a mack truck. Most of my closest girl friends in addition to my oldest sister and to some extent my mother all suffer with anxiety and/or depression. I've always thought of myself as a very sympathetic and empathetic person. My ability to relate as been a huge assest in letting those around me not feel so alone. At least we were all in it together.

It is definitely just as scary as it is exciting to recover. While I am excited to not be so anxious and depressed, I can honestly say I'm a little worried about becoming one of those terminally happy/positive people. Basically I'm scared of going from one extreme to the other. I do NOT want to be that annoying 'cheerleader' types who refuses to acknowledge the negative in life. I don't want my dear friends and family to reject me for my new positive attitude. As the Doc says, you wouldn't continue a bad habit/behavior if you weren't getting something out of it.

quote:

Originally posted by lightbrites44:
And most of all, giving up anxiety and depression would mean leaving my mother behind in her own depression and anxiety,. . .
I'm not sure if this can help any of you but I hope, (well i know) that I'm not the only person who feels this way. I know I will find people who are stronger who can support me while still being super close to my mom. Was this anyone else's positive gain from anxiety/depression: risking having your family/friends not like you?

lightbrites44,
You are right, and thanks to you being right, I now know I am not the only one with the same fears as you. my Mother has Alzheimer's, but before she got sick, she was a negative thinker who passed that on to those of us around her. Not only she thought I was crazy because of my obssessions and fears, but so has my whole family. my Brother, who is 12 years older, thinks I am an ultimate nut, and my sister takes advantage of me because she knows that I can not bear loosing her friendship. My mother of course hates me in her own way because of her alzheimer's. My spouse if very helpful mostly.
I do want to tell you that having them feel differently about me is not what I really wanted now that it is starting to happen. I think I really just wanted approval. I am realizing that I will never get approval from my immediate family, (except for my daughter and my fiance`). I am constantly told how I think I am better than them because I raised my kids differently than my family has raised thiers. I have kids who although are not perfect, I am not always bailing them out of jail and such. I have parent problems, but they basically just started about 3 years ago. Want to know what I did so differently than all them? no negativity. They are smart, the might do bad things, but if they learn from the mistake and don't repeat it, they will be ok. I never called them stupid. i made sure they realize that thier own destiny is in thier hands from kindergarten on. If they study, I will make sure they get into whatever career they want. One mistake I always made was by belittling myself telling them that I was put here by God to make sure they turned out better than me. i have now changed that. I tell them that God put me here to pass the wisdom to them that I have learned in order that they won't have to suffer the trials that I have. That makes me feel better about myself.
Don't worry about what they think right now. Later on, you might be the one that everybody looks at and says, 'hey, she did it, and look how happy she is. Boy, I want to be like her!' Keep on going. Your post, as well as the others here, encouraged me today when I felt like I did not have an ounce of courage left. Thank you sincerely. It does help to know there are others going through the very same feelings. I want my family to accept me as I am going to be, not depend on me, then call me selfish the way they currently do.
Keep on going, and i will too. be strong, and we'll both know we have each other in getting through this. I'll keep reading your encouraging posts, and hope I have some encouragement to give you one day. Thanks again.
Tina