Hi all,

So, what can you do? I know what I'm gaining - an excuse not to (and I'm not just saying that because Lucinda did ).
I am afraid to fail, to stray too far off the beaten path and get lost, to take risks. Apparently, I have a pretty deep fear of these things since I got so mired in anxiety over them.

What if I am still afraid of these things? I am a bit less afraid, but this anxiety is a funny thing. You can figure something out intellectually, but it still takes practice to rid yourself of the coping mechanism (the body symptoms).

Do I just get through the wall by charging forward through my wall of fear? It is so hard to expand your definition of yourself when you think security and the status quo are things to maintain at all costs.

I feel stuck, like someone who has become dependant on alcohol even though it is killing them. They are scared of what they'll find if they live without it, and somehow so am I - even though I can understand intellectually that it MUST be better to live without anxiety than with it.

Any thoughts?

This topic is like a ghist town - I think I saw a tumbleweed just blow by the saloon.....

GF

Hey GF,

I just blew in with the tumbleweeds...lol!

Im on this lesson right now too . LOOOVE IT! Its actually what has inspired me to go out and do things. I've even gone out to dinner a few more times since ive posted in the general section about it .

In my opinion, what worked best for me was going for it. I think that sometimes we just need to think "Hey, ya know, i can live like this, be 'safe' and have anxiety OR i can try to get out there and even if i dont make it, atleast i can say i moved forward some by trying".

So for example , if you have a fear of driving, try thinking "ok, i'll just go stand by the car" then when you get to the car think "ok i did it , now i'll just sit in the car" and right there, you've already accomplished 2 more things than before you went out the door right? Just take whatever fear it is you have and work on it, step by step but still pushing forward a little each day. Before ya know it, you'll be saying "ok, i drove to the corner store yesterday, maybe today i will try to go a little further" . Who knows maybe one day you'll wake up and feel so great from accomplishing something like walking to the car, that you will just say "aaaah to heck with it, im gonna get in there and see how far i can drive". No matter how big or small the achievement , its still a step in the right direction. I hope this was of some help. Good Luck! You can do it!! I KNOW YOU CAN!!!!!! . Take care!

Doyle


PS - wow i just packed this post with smiley faces didnt i?...LOL!!

[This message has been edited by Doyle (edited 06-30-2002).]

Hi GF! I often wonder why more people don't post in this section. I agree with Doyle -- I love this lesson. I think I've nearly worn out my Tape 12 from listening to it so often.

Wow, could I relate to your comment about figuring something out intellectually but having to really practice to rid yourself of the anxiety and related body symptoms. I just ran head-long into that wall this past week and have learned something from the experience. Recovery takes lots of practice and learning to be comfortable with yourself. I have been doing so well with everything except one-on-one situations and having to speak up in meetings. Haven't been able to shake those two problems. I went back and met with my former therapist on Friday and she sent me home with a homework assignment. Her question was -- what negative self-comments am I giving myself in those situations? Sent shockwaves through my system!!! I've been charging ahead, going through those walls of fear, but I haven't spent enough time tackling the larger issue -- self-confidence and self-esteem. For me, confronting the fears was a must and helped me to start feeling more confident. Learning that the panic wouldn't hurt me helped me to learn to relax and float through the anxiety and panicky feelings. But it seems that I've been holding on to some of those behaviors to cover for a continuing lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. I'm having to go back to tape three to practice positive self-talk all over again.

The reason I bring this up is because you commented on how hard it is to "expand your definition of yourself when you think security and the status quo are things to maintain at all costs." Why do we always want to maintain the status quo when there could be something so much better once we break out of our shell? For me, it seems that I still haven't accepted myself as I am, faults and all, and I keep thinking that I should know more, be more, do more, etc. Perfectionism!! ARRRGGGGHHH!!!!! When I'm dealing with anxious feelings, I don't have to confront the confidence issues. I just keep feeding them with negative self-talk. Does this sound like something that you are experiencing? Doyle's right about taking one step at a time and tackling those problem areas. But I think, too, that we really have to tackle those things that touch the core of our being. Afterall -- this lesson is entitled "The Courage to Change." It seems that means the courage to change the way we think, act, and live. That's a tough one! But hang in there. We will make it!

------------------
Mountaingirl
come forth into the light of things ~ let nature be your teacher. William Wordsworth

[This message has been edited by mountaingirl (edited 06-30-2002).]

Hi GF, well I am no where near this lesson yet but what you say makes a lot of sense to me. I have been thinking about different things and trying to understand what I am gaining from my anxiety too. And, like you, although I do understand it is very difficult to make that next step. Yet, I do think I can do it. For example, when there is something that I really want to do - I mean really want then I know I can do it and have proven that to myself in the past.

But I am still wrestling with my past and with my low self esteem too. I was thiking about that today - I keep telling myself that other peole have the right to live and do things and go places without fear - so don't I have the same right? I still get stuck on the what if thing too. But there are millions of people out there doing things and not worrying about it all. I hope to get to the point where I can decide that whatever risks I see in the world are worth being out there and taking when I want to do something. And that I don't have to live the perfect life with perfect responses to everything 'cause no one can do that!

I think I am rambling now... sorry about that - I'm tired but just wanted to let you know that I often think of exactly what you said! Although I don't have any answers at this point!

Take care, Zoe

PS Hey GF only a few more posts and you won't have to move the 18 wheeler truck!
Then we will have to have a full mint party for you

[This message has been edited by Zoe (edited 07-01-2002).]

I love you guys...and I'm not even saying that while I'm drunk in a bar with my arm around you at 2am!

I really appreciate your responses, big hugs to you all!

Doyle: I think you're right about the steps. One day at a time as they say (they talk alot, don't they?) LOL I'm worried about my upcoming move because I haven't been in a car for more than 2 hours in years and I have to jump right into going for 4 hours, but I guess I'll make it. (cue the orchestra...I WILL MAKE IT!) P.S. there can never be too many smilies...

mountaingirl: I love that name by they way...I think your comment about having to deal with deeper issues as well is right on. I have been out of therapy for a year and maybe it is time to go back for a while. Now that I can see my issues more clearly it seems like it's time. Thanks for helping me see that.

Zoe: You go girl, facing your fears like you did recently! And I would never feel like you were rambling, I relish every word of support/advice I can get. I think it's great that you feel an inner ability to accomplish waht you need to. Foster that - you're going to be okay. I'm glad you are going through the program again. If I can ever afford the program I will go through it too. I was only able to get it for the trial period and had to listen to the tapes in a month and send it back...UGH. But it still helped.

Thanks again all, and others feel free to respond, lets keep the thread going!

GF

unfortunately i can not comprehend this..as i am only on tape 5 and still struggling...although i am feeling a bit better lately. can't wait to get where you are though!!!! (god i hope this works..)

uh-oh.... i just reread some of the posts. i am beginning to beleive that i am seeking help for the wrong condition. i do not seem tohave the limitations youn all describe. i can drive etc..... specific situations do not scare me. instead i constantly worry about what may happen. to the point that i am sick and shaky and yes people have thought i was on drugs!! stupid things like will i get a stomach flu, will a tornado hit my town....and god forbid soemthing reinforces this like someone near me gets sick or the weather man predicts storms!! ahh!!!! maybe i am more crazy than i thought...i dont think i am like you guys...maybe this wont work for me.

Whoa Angel! Slow down. I'm starting a whole new topic under the general category to reply to your last post just to make sure you see it.

Please read it!

GF

i totally relate to your original post - i started the program in october and have been all the way thru it. i have pulled out lesson 12 and reviewed it again this weekend - i have gotten so wrapped up in my resistance to change that the past couple of days has been awful - at times i felt like the same person who started the program almost a year ago - dang it i just can't let it go - why can't i change when staying like this is so destructive -