I recently called in for support and spoke to Carolyn Dickman. We spoke for nearly 10 minutes, but a few words REALLY stood out to me. She said I might be giving myself anxiety to avoid a certain part of my life that makes me scared. Well, a light bulb went off just like for everybody i guess. I realized that I have used depression to get out of many stressful situations.. specifically seeking relationships I've wanted and, later I realized, participating in my school life, two big areas of commitment. I used to think I have A.D.D., but I can't help but wonder if it's just my mind distracting me from what I don't want to be doing. I never let myself go 100% into anything because I'm so afraid of failure. With my NEW attitude, it's so freeing now.. whenever I feel depressed, I ask myself.. Am I using depression as a self-protective reminder that failure might be around the corner? Maybe you're thinking like me, "life is disenchanting and bare and I've been looking for answers and just don't think there are any." I have a tough time seeing or feeling God in this world. My father and brother are athiests and I'm spiritual but confused. Well, I've decided that if I really need theological answers, I'm going to have a much better time seeking them out with a burning desire and hopeful outlook, discussing the big puzzle optimistically like a scholar might. I can keep a spiritual outlook for the simple fact that everbody walks a different path but we're all capable of good. I want to learn to fail successfully. Depression, for me, is saying, "I failed... it's over" Well, If I'm doomed to fail, then I'll keep a famous quote in mind: "Live to the point of tears." I'll feel the anxiety and keep putting myself out there, living as I believe. It's very simple, not about control. I'm sure I didn't express this just how I wanted to, but I hope it helps somebody. -Daniel
Posts: 7 | Location: Houston | Registered: December 26, 2004
Daniel, I just wanted to say thank you for posting this. Although I am doing pretty well with my anxiety there are times when I forget and let the anxiety start taking control. It was nice to read your post. It served as a reminder for me and we all need to be reminded once in a while. Thanks again, Sherra
Stress Center Community 
I realized that I have used depression to get out of many stressful situations.. specifically seeking relationships I've wanted and, later I realized, participating in my school life, two big areas of commitment. I used to think I have A.D.D., but I can't help but wonder if it's just my mind distracting me from what I don't want to be doing. I never let myself go 100% into anything because I'm so afraid of failure. With my NEW attitude, it's so freeing now.. whenever I feel depressed, I ask myself.. Am I using depression as a self-protective reminder that failure might be around the corner? Maybe you're thinking like me, "life is disenchanting and bare and I've been looking for answers and just don't think there are any." I have a tough time seeing or feeling God in this world. My father and brother are athiests and I'm spiritual but confused. Well, I've decided that if I really need theological answers, I'm going to have a much better time seeking them out with a burning desire and hopeful outlook, discussing the big puzzle optimistically like a scholar might. I can keep a spiritual outlook for the simple fact that everbody walks a different path but we're all capable of good. I want to learn to fail successfully. Depression, for me, is saying, "I failed... it's over" Well, If I'm doomed to fail, then I'll keep a famous quote in mind: "Live to the point of tears." I'll feel the anxiety and keep putting myself out there, living as I believe. It's very simple, not about control. I'm sure I didn't express this just how I wanted to, but I hope it helps somebody.
