Hi everyone!
I just don't get when Lucinda says to not make any decisions out of fear-
I don't find her elaborating on it. Please shed some light on this for me.
Thanks!
Diane

Diane,

I think that when Lucinda says this she means not to do something you want/don't want to do in spite of fear. I will try and give you an example. This weekend I want to drive to see my brother who lives 3 hrs away. I used to be pretty bad driving, and I have increased my "area" to include about an hour from home. I have not gone farther. I really want to see him, but I'm not sure if I am going to since I am scared that something bad will happen on the way there. I have to drive interstate and it's going to be superbusy and I just don't like driving on the interstates right now. I still haven't decided for sure if I am going to go see him yet. I want to...then I get to explore a new beach, but I am kind of afraid of what COULD happen! Does that make sense? Since I am FEARing what COULD happen, if I don't go, I have made the decision out of fear. Since I don't go, I feared what could happen, so I don't go and will prob be upset w/ myself and be depressed! Anyway, I hope that makes more sense to you. Any more questions feel free to ask...I'm sure there is someone else out there who can answer it better!
Take care,
Cindy

So are you saying that it means we shouldn't let our fears...interfere when we make a decision? Like feel the fear and do it anyway? I realize this w/ panic atttacks but, I am referring to this lesson w/ major life changes? Do you think that's the case still?

Hey, it sound like you are really coming along! I'll be curious to know whether you go or not. Interstates are at the top of my list of limitations. Have you been practicing alot? Best of luck if you go!I'm sure those beaches are beautiful and just think of the self-confidence you will gain by going!!!How EXCITING!!!

Thanks for your insight-
Diane
P.S. Just read your post to amy re:your day and decision. I'm sorry. You know not feeling good has a big impact on our anxiety level too. Take care.

quote:

Originally posted by cysmith5150:
Diane,

I think that when Lucinda says this she means not to do something you want/don't want to do in spite of fear. I will try and give you an example. This weekend I want to drive to see my brother who lives 3 hrs away. I used to be pretty bad driving, and I have increased my "area" to include about an hour from home. I have not gone farther. I really want to see him, but I'm not sure if I am going to since I am scared that something bad will happen on the way there. I have to drive interstate and it's going to be superbusy and I just don't like driving on the interstates right now. I still haven't decided for sure if I am going to go see him yet. I want to...then I get to explore a new beach, but I am kind of afraid of what COULD happen! Does that make sense? Since I am FEARing what COULD happen, if I don't go, I have made the decision out of fear. Since I don't go, I feared what could happen, so I don't go and will prob be upset w/ myself and be depressed! Anyway, I hope that makes more sense to you. Any more questions feel free to ask...I'm sure there is someone else out there who can answer it better!
Take care,
Cindy

[This message has been edited by dl (edited 09-01-2001).]

[This message has been edited by dl (edited 09-01-2001).]

[This message has been edited by dl (edited 09-01-2001).]

Diane,
I believe that's what Lucinda is trying to say. Another example may be... you want to change jobs and so you start sending resumes to companies. You go to the interview, they offer you a job and you decline, making up an excuse (of course, blaming them for something! ) that you didn't want the job. You are so comfortable where you work, that you don't want to risk or have to learn something new. Does that make sense??? I hope so. Sometimes I am not very good at telling people what I mean. I hope it does. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask!

No, I didn't end up driving to see my brother this weekend. I haven't drove that far on my own and I was scared that something bad was going to happen. That's ok though. Today I had a great day with my neighbor. I went to the mall and she was looking for a nice dress for a special event, so I tried on pretty dresses for the day I will do it someday. The rest of the weekend I am going to catch up on sleep and try and get better. That's my goal...maybe I will clean my room or something constructive! I don't care of interstates..driving on them anyway and I used to drive on them ALL THE TIME!!! I drove I-80 almost every week, 3 hr drives and hauled while doing it! Not even thinking about what could happen...now, I think about what could happen and sometimes it still scares me. Ok, I have babbled long enough! Thanks for listening. Ih ope that I have helped in some small way!

Take care,
Cindy

Hi Diane and Cindy! Lucinda's directive to "not make any decisions out of fear" sounds so trivial and common sensical but it seems to me to be a very important step in recovery. Diane, you ask how it can relate to life changes and I thought I would add my two cents. It seems to me that we first have to realize how often we make decisions that are fear-based. When I first starting seeing a psychologist for panic disorder, just about every decision I made was out of fear. Over time, that lessened somewhat. Even after we've gone through the program, I think we have to really pay attention to those things that we still do out of fear. What kind of excuses do we make to avoid something that has caused us difficulty in the past? What excuses do we make when we are asked to do something that we do not want to do? What places do we still avoid? How many people are we uncomfortable around? And when we catch ourselves avoiding or making excuses, what messages to we give ourselves?

Maybe its just me, but I think the life changes come in baby steps. And those baby steps seem to be tied to my ability to push myself forward and not let my fears cause me to go backwards. Each time we catch ourselves trying to fall back into a bad pattern, and then move beyond the fear, we become stronger. And we must be stronger to venture out and make a big change in our lives. Does this make sense? There seems to be a confidence that grows from each experience where I start to avoid something, notice the avoidance, tell myself I'm not going to respond in that way, and I choose to respond differently. I feel good. I feel strong. I feel like I can tackle any problem that comes my way. Most importantly, I feel it is okay to just be me! EAch time I let fear dictate my actions, its as if I've just tied another rope around my waist and have staked myself to the ground. I used to have a lot of those ropes staked all around me to the point that I couldn't move. Each time I make a decision to move beyond the fear, I cut another rope. And the way I see it, I can't "fly" as long as I have even one of those ropes still staked to the ground!

I hope this helps in some way.

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Mountaingirl
come forth into the light of things ~ let nature be your teacher. William Wordsworth

Dear Cindy and mountain girl,
Thanks for your replies. I have been up all night w/ my dog at the animal hospital. She means the world to me and has lost the use of her back legs just overnight!!! Needless to say I am not thinking clearly but, I'll be back when I am.
Diane

quote:

Originally posted by dl:
Hi everyone!
I just don't get when Lucinda says to not make any decisions out of fear-
I don't find her elaborating on it. Please shed some light on this for me.
Thanks!
Diane

Diane -- I'm so sorry that your dog is not doing well. Hopefully it is nothing serious. My two beagles and I will be sending good thoughts to you and your baby.

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Mountaingirl
come forth into the light of things ~ let nature be your teacher. William Wordsworth

Diane,
I know what you are going through! I work at an animal hospital and these things happen all the time. If you need ANYTHING, please let me know. I will be more than happy to help. I hope your dog gets better. Things like that are pretty scary, but I'm sure he is in the best care that he can have right now. Those doctors know what they are doing! Again, if you need anything please email me or write on here and let me know.
Thinking of you,
Cindy

Hi everyone! dl ~ i hope your dog is alright! I know you have plenty of love to give that doggie. Cindy and Mountaingirl ~ i read both your replies a couple of times, as i am STILL avoiding many areas of difficulty in my life, and of course....dealing effectively with the panic attacks is the huge one. It's funny though, i read this post and interpreted it in a different way! As to "not making decisions based on fear"...i took that to mean: Don't do or say anything BECAUSE you are fearful of being true to yourself. I was thinking of decisions i sometimes make because i fear saying "no" to someone. This happens only with very specific people in my life. If i feel i don't want to deal with their reactions (could be anger, judgement, hurt, whatever it is) and so, to avoid the discomfort i will sometimes just say "yes" when i truly want to say "no". That is a decision based on fear. **If i actually attempted to get myself to Montreal this coming weekend, when i haven't yet been able to get myself more than 5 blocks from my home!) THAT just might be a move based on fear...fear that my entire family will be SO UPSET AND SAD. 'THAT' is NOT a reason to make myself go!!! So, that's how i was seeing it. There are things we need to do, EVEN THOUGH we're afraid, and things we need to NOT do, even though we're afraid! Guess it's all the same really....the lesson is to live our lives and make our decisions based on Faith, not Fear. Have a great day everyone....Lindi

Hi Cindy, mountaingirl and Lindi!

Thank you so much for helping me out w/ this. I'm pretty sure I understand now! I actually identify w/ your interpretation too Lindi. Maybe even more so because I am still on meds and was thinking I have to be in complete control w/o meds to feel like I truly have my head on straight. On the other hand I feel that I am doing so well and feeling like I'm at that place where I really don't know who I'm becoming yet it's so exciting! I am taking risks, making choices that I just know in my heart that's what I've always wanted to do at this stage of my life. For instance, my kids are grown and I've always wanted to live on an a particular island.Nothing exotic, just a special place in the Pacific NW. It's been my dream since I was a child. I visit there every year and I am going to make that dream a reality. Yes I will be scared as it's a big step but when I think of all of the what if's,,I tell myself life's too short! If not now, when? If it doesn't work out I will survive and choose to do something else!
You know what I'm really trying to do is just eliminate the word/feeling FEAR from my life! I am so tired of it gettin' in my way! I'm breaking out of my shell that has kept me stuck for so many years and it feels wonderful

I also wanted to thank you for your kind words re: my dog. Turned out to be a bladder infection...What a relief!

Hope all of you are doing well!
Diane

quote:

Originally posted by dl:
Hi everyone!
I just don't get when Lucinda says to not make any decisions out of fear-
I don't find her elaborating on it. Please shed some light on this for me.
Thanks!
Diane

Of course we need to know our limitations and start out with baby steps.

We shouldn't do everything on our wish list the firsst week.

Having said that, I think about what actress Kim Basinger said when she was interviewed about panic attacks, "do it afraid."

I was having an anxious episode yesterday and I kept chanting to myself, "just do it afraid." That helps me stop the internal fight. Unfortunately, today I popped the first Xanax in six+ months since doind this program. I needed it, I must be OK with it. It helped and I choose to move forward and not look at it as anything other than a "little" bump in the road to recovery.



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Always Hopeful, Betsy H.
Marietta, GA (East Cobb)

Hi Betsy!
Nice to hear from you! Your posts always make me smile
Good point about baby steps. I have been working on making this move for the last 2 yrs...close to the time I started this program. Lucinda says if you still feel like you haven't gotten it it's because of this lesson. The courage to change. This is the third time around for me working this program to make sure I get it! Atlast I do understand this one!

I have always wondered about Kim Basinger and the way she has treated her battle. I really admire her as an actress and have alot of respect for her having to cope w/ this. Do you know anymore? I am so sorry I missed that interview?

Glad to hear you're accepting what you are feeling and are still moving forward!

Take care!
Diane

quote:

Originally posted by EastCobbGABetsyH:
Of course we need to know our limitations and start out with baby steps.

We shouldn't do everything on our wish list the firsst week.

Having said that, I think about what actress Kim Basinger said when she was interviewed about panic attacks, "do it afraid."

I was having an anxious episode yesterday and I kept chanting to myself, "just do it afraid." That helps me stop the internal fight. Unfortunately, today I popped the first Xanax in six+ months since doind this program. I needed it, I must be OK with it. It helped and I choose to move forward and not look at it as anything other than a "little" bump in the road to recovery.

Diane, i am afraid to to drive onthe interstate, but now i feel more secure because i pop in carolyns tape driving with comfort it is great , it is like having carolyn talk to you the whole time you are driving. Try it i know it will help . Good Luck & Good driving. LYNN

Thanks for the affirmation Tink,

I always wanted to put the music to the song, Jump into My Car, on the driving tape! Now I know that I am jumping into yours...take me for a ride! Carolyn