I did something the other night I feel terrible about. I finally wrapped up a film making project and my husband and I felt so releived and exhilarated, we wanted to go out. I got drunk, which a rarely do-actually I rarely leave the house. There was a woman who sat at our table..I think she was a 'street girl', and I wanted to show her I don't judge people-it ended up I was practically only talking to her, paying attention to her etc. This is an old habit I have because my social skills are so weak, and I always feel like I have to 'over do it' when I drink. I am so sure people will not like me..I am always buying them drinks, listening intently and all of that. Well, this time my husband got very upset. He felt excluded, to the point where he even thought I was romantically interested in this girl ( not at all). I don't remember the last time a had a normal conversation with another woman. I feel I was very innappropriate and over course the next day, and the next I am full of worry and shame and can't make it to the mailbox even. I don't know why I go socially crazy drinking, but although it hasn't happened in a long time, I worry that It'll happen again (there are other issues going on that are 'what if-ing me to death). In the past, people have seen me all buddy buddy one night-then the next day I won't answer the phone. I hate this. I only want to find a happy medium with people (I have SAD and depression too). Today I wanted to kill myself. I feel so horrible, I can't describe it. I love my husband so much-he has been there for me always. Now I feel I put a scatch on the skin of a flawless love. I hate being me. danielle

I know what u dont need is for me to tell U I have been there too. We want answers.. Sticking to the program I am told will give us our life back. I do hope that talking this out as u did with us with your husband (as I have to with my loving husband .. ) will make him understand. we can not leave them in the dark if they dont know how or what our feeling and thoughts are.. remember.. they are our thougnts.. not necessarily RIGHT thoughts.. Breathe and believe in U. Only U can turn this around and be the person u once were.. we can do it..