Hello,

I've never posted before. I went through the program already, but I find that I'm depending on others to help me recover. I went to my psychiatrist the other day, and I was crying and upset. He wanted to put me on an anti-psychotic medication because he thought I was becoming dilusional.

I remember a lady from the tape about being prescribed an anti-psychotic medication, and I just couldn't do it. I had just tapered off Lexapro. He wanted to put me back on an anti-depressent, Zoloft. I decided I had to stop the remainder of my medicine, 0.25 mg Klonopin, 2 times per day. I pretty much have just had enough of taking medication.

I'm on day 5 of no medicine. I am very scared of the feelings I am having and am wondering if they are from the withdrawal of medicine. As a brief history, I have taken medicine regularly for the past 8 years, both anti-depressents and anti-anxiety.

I feel very light-headed like I could pass out, but I know I won't. I feel like I'm in a dream as though things weren't exactly real. My husband has been very supportive, and he encouraged me to post. He believes these feelings are from the withdrawal of being on medicine for so long and depending on it for so long. I just don't want to give in and take anything. I'm tired of not being myself because I've been so drugged. I also want to have children, and I'm getting older, so I have to get off my medicine sooner or later. I've depended on medicine like a crutch, now it's time for me to take control. I am going to go through the program again. I believe this time it will have more meaning. It's so easy to believe I will succeed when your feelings are masked with medication.

Are these feelings typical when you get off medication?

GreenLantern

GreenLantern-

Hi! It sounds like you are going through withdrawals. Even when we graudally reduce the dose of SSRi's, you will still get withdrawal side effects. I went through this 2 years ago when I stopped taking Remeron. It is almost like you have a "rebound depression" but it will pass. The klonopin should be discontinued gradually. I have heard of people actually shaving the pills over a period of time. You will still to get the same place by taking your time, don't rush through this.

Silvana

Silvana,

God bless you. I so very much wanted to hear that I should keep going. I don't want to give up.

Thank you,
GreenLantern

GreenLantern- Thank yourself and gove yourself a huge hug! You are doing all the work.

Silvana

GreenLantern, I weaned myself off an antidepressant this past January after being on for 7 years. I don't want to get too long winded, but in my opinion and from what I have experienced it does sound like what you are experiencing is from withdrawal.I now know that I didn't wean myself off over a long enough period of time as I have talked to people who actually took a full year of decreasing their dosage just to get off the antidepressants. Did you stop the Klonopin cold turkey? I know you are supposed to stop that gradually like Silvana said. Anyway,if you want, you can email me, too.

Suzanne,

I decided to reply, so everyone can see this conversation. I had searched the archives for information, and I didn't find any, so I think this information will be valuable.

I have been trying to wean myself off medication on and off for years now. I used to take Prozac prior to taking Lexapro. I have taken Klonopin for the last 8 years. According to the tapes, that's just too long. If I had learned any skills, I would be able to get off at least anti-anxiety medication. For my past doctor, his answer was always medication; that is, you just have this problem and have to accept that you will need medication for the rest of your life. I bought into that concept. I felt more support from my current doctor, but with my behavior and dependency on everyone to make me feel better, I probably led him to the point that I need medication and maybe "someday," I'll be able to try again. But for me, that "someday" is now. If I don't take control of my life, then I'll be letting others run it for me, and I just can't have that anymore.

In the past, I'd go off the Klonopin, and I couldn't take the anxiety, so the doctor would increase everything, and then I'd try again. I realize now I had no skill. And even though my skill level is still low, it's better now that I've gone through the program, but I have to go through it again, so I can embrace the skills with which I need, so I can quit depending upon everyone else to make me ok.

To get back to the present moment, I had been slowly weaning myself off Klonopin and Lexapro to where I was off the Klonopin. I struggled with what appeared to be an over-activity of Lexapro, so my doctor suggested going back on the Klonopin until I was off the Lexapro. I struggled going off of everything, I think, because I have such a mental crutch of requiring medication. My dose of Klonopin, 0.25 mg 2 times a day, was quite low as the doctor noted. I think my need for it was highly mental rather than physical.

I often wonder if what I'm feeling now is what people on the tapes describe as a spacey feeling. And I wonder if the medicine has just always masked it over the years. Then I think no wonder some people were so miserable because I'm experiencing "real" feelings not masked by a sedative and anti-anxiety medication. I can't really say anti-depressants have done much for me. I think it has always been the Klonopin. It relaxes me because it is a sedative. But at the same time, it prevents me from feeling "everything" that is part of who I am. I guess I wonder what it's like to not be on medicine and feel good. It's that goal that I am seeking.

My anxiety is pretty high right now, but it states on the tapes that if I put my foot through the anticapatory wall, that with each success, I will grow stronger. I'm trying to put my foot through the wall even though I'm scared. I have to do that, or I'll forever be dependant on medication.

So the question is, did I stop cold turkey? Yes and no. I was on a small dose of medicine, so no. But I felt like I needed to just stop the medicine after having suggested receiving an anti-psychotic medication, so yes. But I've been trying to do this for years, so no. I'm in a catch 22 right now. I have to go through these horrific feelings to get past the wall that has always stopped me. But I could give in and take medicine, but then I'd be stuck at the wall. I've just never felt so spacey and light-headed before. I feel like I've been a drug addict to prescription medication. And if I can make it through these scarey feelings, that I can really move forward to full recovery.

I hope I'm making sense. Yes, I did make an abrupt decision to get off my medicine, but I wasn't on much to get off of. I appreciate the responses that these feelings are likely withdrawal -- that gives me courage to keep moving forward.

GreenLantern

yes, sounds like withdrawels. no matter what dose you take of a med, whether high or low amount, you can not stop cold turkey. You must wean off slowly and preferablly, under a dr's care.

As for me, I am on Lexapro and feel good. Take Xanax as needed. I also use the tools in this program. The combo is great for me.

Good luck to you, Brigitte

GreenLantern:
I can relate to what you are saying about a doctor wanting to just medicate you. The psychiatrist I saw told me to not even try to make it through a panic attack; just give up and take Klonopin. I told him I disagreed because I had already read Lucinda's book and was making progress on dealing with my attacks. He wanted to dismiss this and tell me that trying to make it through an attack on my own would just make me weaker. This made no sense because even the little progress I had been making at the time made me feel stronger and more capable of handling the situation. Since the psychiatrist obviously had a completely different agenda, I decided to fire him. My physician now monitors the medication I take. I am on Zoloft, but plan to go off of it in the near future because I don't want to spend my life taking meds. But it has been helpful in controlling the attacks and helping my depression. I have a good doctor, and she made sure I did not stay on Xanax for more than a few weeks. She gave me a prescription for Klonopin if I need it. But I have been learning to deal with the attacks on my own and have not had to use it. I use various techniques to help me through the attacks and I feel that I am getting better. My first attack ever was this past August, so I feel I have made a lot of progress considering the fact I have only had the disorder for around 4 months. What has helped me the most is Lucinda's book, The Stress Management Handbook by Lori A. Leyden-Rubenstein, and some techniques that my therapist suggested (deep breathing; identifying cognitive distortions; snapping my wrist with a rubber band, that is wrapped around my wrist, when I start to have negative thoughts). Another book that could possibly be helpful is David D. Burns' book entitled Feeling Good .

I can relate to buying into the concept of just using meds to take care of our emotions and being on them forever. I've had two depressions, the last lasting 26 years so far. My first was really anxiety and panic attacks more than depression. I listened again to Tape 11 on medication and alcohol not long ago and agree with what's on it. Taking anti-anxiety meds long term without working on the underlying problems doesn't solve anything. And we become tolerant to these meds overtime requiring a larger dose which is a problem because all of these meds, except Buspar, are physically addictive. However, some people do need to take them short term in order to be able to work on the underlying problems. That is on Tape 11 also. Some people are not stable enough without them to effectively work on their problems.

There is a book called "Your Drug May Be Your Problem" by Dr. Peter Breggin which has a couple of excellent chapters on how to come off of anti-anxiety and anti-depressant meds. It also describes withdrawal symptoms. The method he recommends is called the 10% method in which you decrease the med by 10% each week or two until you are eventually off of it. Page 137 states, " Overall the 10 percent method provides three benefits: (1) an easily applied schedule; (2) the sensible suggestion that it is best to stay roughly within such decrements, even if the first steps turn out to be uncomplicated; and (3) in cases where withdrawal difficulties manifest themselves after most of the dose has been reduced, a framework in which the individual can avoid compounding such difficulties by not rushing through the remaining steps of withdrawal." Page 138 says, "However, the very last step may be the most difficult, even if the original amount of the drug has now been reduced by 80% or more." "(As described in Chapter 7, some people benefit from prolonged use of tiny doses during the last phase of withdrawal.)" Chapter 7 is titled "Plan Your Drug Withdrawal."

I have read posts of a number of people who have successfully come off of meds. Many of them put themselves through needless suffering, in my opinion, because they quit cold turkey. I think it is great that you want to get off of all meds, but I also think there are better ways than others to accomplish this. While the MWC tells us the truth about medication it doesn't tell us anything about how to go about withdrawing from these meds, other than to do it under a doctor's supvervision. The truth is many doctors, medical and psychiatric, don't know how to do this effectively. So, in my opinion, a very major step in getting off of meds has been completely left out, and that is exactly how do we do it? We've been told we need to, but we haven't been told how and many doctors don't know how to do it effectively either. The point I am trying to make is that it is best to have a plan and procedure just like we have been given one for overcoming anxiety and depression. I believe many people put themselves at serious risk of doing harm to themselves because they don't have a plan for coming off of meds and they don't know what to expect.

I wish you success with what you are trying to do. I think the counsel of "challenge yourself but don't overwhelm yourself" applies here. Good luck.

It's GreenLantern.

Thank you all for your advice. I took the advice. I definitely made an abrupt decision without a plan.

I haven't been able to look at my posting until now. I was so terribly anxious last night that I took some Klonopin. My husband had thought I had weaned myself to an acceptable point of the Klonopin to stop, so I'm in error. He said he would never have suggested that. I take birth control, so I don't get pregnant on all of these medications. I was stopping that too. My husband said no. I need to have a better plan.

GL

Go easy on yourself, Greenlantern. Don't beat yourself up. The reason I have this second depression is due to an untrue, distorted thought I had about my wife, who at the time was my girlfriend. It all had to do with my own insecurity and self doubts. The good news is that it all was due to thoughts.

With the help of God and the MWC program I have been off of anti-anxiety meds completely now for about 3 months. I had been taking them since 1977. One of my anti-depressants is also down from 175mg to 75mg within the last 5 months. My experience hasn't been like others. I simply let the program do its work, let my brain and thoughts heal and the result was I didn't need the meds anymore. I literally became too sleepy with the then current dosage of anti-anxiety meds and had to reduce them to take away the sleepiness and grogginess. I gradually tapered off of them over a 3 month period.

I have been working with the program for 3 years. Like B.J. on tape 15, I think it is, I listened to most of the tapes at least 30 times and more likely it was upwards to 60 or more times. I don't know, it could be in the hundreds with some of them. She said it was in the thousands for her. I suppose the number of times I have listened to the relaxation tape is over a 1000 times now.

If you work with the program long enough it is possible to reach a point where you have good self esteem, self confidence, and are relying upon only yourself primarily. Most of us are addicted to negative, self critical thinking and it takes a while to break this habit and replace it with compassionate, positive self talk and self love. We have to learn to love and accept ourselves unconditionally, let go of past mistakes and guilt and learn to live in the present. The program teaches many life skills, but it takes longer than a week to really make them part of us and our thinking. Just try and relax and work the program and reread Silvana's first post to yours. Gradually tapering off of meds as you are able is the best approach in my view.