I have tried to cut my Celexa down to 10mg. I take 20mg. I took 10 mg for a while and had a growth spurt so to speak. It scared me so much that I went back to 20 mg. I've taken 20 for a week now. I've tried to get off several times with no success. Is this bad? I am only 25 and don't know if I want to take pills the rest of my life but depression runs predominantly in my family and several relatives have had to take anti-depressants for the rest of their lives. My husband and I are wanting to start a family and my doc. says that she will want me to get off of my meds. while pregnant. My husband is afraid I will have a major break down (He has seen me at my worst before the program). I can handle the anxiety symptoms, they don't bother me anymore and seldom come. What scares me are the obsessive super scary thoughts. Any advise is appreciated.

Yellow Rose

How did you get over your anxiety symptoms? Perhaps you could go about ridding yourself of the obsessive scary thoughts the same way?

I wonder if you had just waited it out if the symptoms would have gotten better as your body adjusted to 10 mg. I did the same thing- went from 20 mg to 10 mg of paxil, and had some serious anxiety attacks, my first panic attack in many months, and had some physical reactions. But I waited it out and about 10 days later, I was feeling at the top of the world again! I do not have depression (if I do it is only because of my anxiety), but I am on the meds for anxiety and major scary thoughts. I still get relief from these symptoms at 10mg. Talk to your doctor and see what he thinks about weaning off. Also, there ARE meds that pregnant women take. There was someone on here who responded to a post of mine who was on paxil while pregnant. I would talk to your doctor and see if he/she could switch you to another anti-depressant, if possible, that you can use while pregnant. Also, I totally understand your concerns about getting on meds and having to "stay" on them. I am only 24, and though I have only been on paxil for about 2 months, I am already worried about being on it forever. My mom takes it, too. She has depression, as does my sister. I am going to talk to my doctor about this issue, because I am worried about getting to the point where I need the meds! i don't know if that is possible but, of course, I worry about it! Does Celexa help with your scary thoughts? If not, maybe you should also talk to your doctor about that- there are meds (such as paxil) that help with these thoughts because they are believed to be along the lines of OCD, according to some doctors. Anyhow, I hope this helped at least a little bit!

Hi Yellow Rose,
I want to share my story with you in hopes that it might be of some help. I was on medication from the age of 13 until a year ago for depression and anxiety. I am now 40 and I am finally drug free. I was diagnosed in the 70's has having depression which I was told ran in my family and of course anxiety. I was taking some heavy duty meds back then, Elavil and Melaril then eventually just Elavil for the depression. About 5 years ago they wheened me off the elavil and put me on prozac. After 27 years of being on meds I was really questioning if my depression ran in the family or was it the anxiety that we all shared. So I along with my counselor stopped the prozac. I forgot to mention that the older drugs never really stopped the panic but the prozac did. I was also on the program when I was taking prozac. About 9 months being off the prozac I started having panic again and we very taken back by this. I realized that I used the prozac more to rid my anxiety than the program. So I took the program back out and here I am starting all over again. But I found I didn't have depression after all. It was just caused by my panic and self defeating self talk. Now I am working hard with the program and I am making good progress. I am learning patients and breaking down barriers without meds. My first instinct is to run back to them cause it is what I am used to but I know now that the meds were never really necessary and am glad to be free!! I don't know wether you need meds or not for depression but all I heard for 27 years was that I needed them for depression, from professionals, and I am really glad I questioned it. It was not easy for me to let go of the medication. I was very emotionally attached to them. I thought I was going to have a breakdown too. But once I built up the confidence off of them I realized that the thoughts of a breakdown was just another fear. False Evidence Appearing Real!! Keep me Posted!

[This message has been edited by moonstar61 (edited 01-14-2002).]

[This message has been edited by moonstar61 (edited 01-14-2002).]

Topic:
How do you know if you need to keep taking your meds?

My Answer:
When you start to miss doses because you feel so good you forget to take it.


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Don't take anything personally.
Always be impecable with your word.
Don't assume anything.
Always do your best!

Dear All,

Thank you so much for your thought and kind words. I do realize that I turn to my meds. out of fear. This is not an easy thing to admit. Two years ago I had my first "break down" the anxiety that I undoubtedly had all my life finally erupted. I thought I was going crazy. I had so many scary thoughts that I had never dreamed of having before. I dwelled on the scary thougt that scared me the most--suicide. Please don't think bad of me--this is very hard for me to tell people but I think maybe you people of the Forum can help me. Anyway, I had no idea what to do and my family was so worried about me. I knew I had to do something. My parents took me to a Phyciatric hospital to see if they could help. Like I said before, depression ran in my family and I had an aunt who had been to a hospital for similar reasons. At this hospital, I told one of the counselors about my horrible scary thougts. They immediately put me in the suicide ward and told me that because I had scary thoughts of doing things to myself that I was indeed planning my own death. This scared the shit out of me. I was happily married and only 22 years old. I spent a week in this hospital heavily drugged and scared. My roommates were drug addicts and alcoholics and manic depressives who had already tried to kill themselves. It was awful. I lied about not having scary thoughts anymore so I could go home. I've had them off and on ever since. I have also been on meds off and on ever since. They told me that I would probably have to take them forever. I can write a 100 things down that I love about life and are thankful for so why do I still have these thoughts of twisting off and killing myself? It scares me so much. This is always what brings me back to the meds. I think I will start cutting back down to 10mg. of Celexa. I'll try to stick with it this time. After I get through the rough patches at 10mg. then I'll go to 5mg. Ya'll give me strength, support, and prayers. I need all the help I can get. Any other words of advice are greatly appreciated. I am so glad I got a computer for Christmas and logged on to the Center's website. Reading the Forum is my daily therapy!

Yellow Rose

Hi Again Yellow Rose,
Thanks for sharing more of your story. I have something to add to mine. At the age of 13 when I had my first panic attack a few months later I was put in a psychiatric hospital with addicts, manics ect.. same as you but for 3 months. I had no choice I was a child and that is the way my parents delt with this with the advise of a Psychiatrist. (My spelling isn't the greatest). I also had scary thoughts of killing myself then and for years later. And I did again worry about that when I came off my meds for good. I was always conviced I was sick and the meds made it all better. It was very scary for me being a child to be in a locked psych ward for 3 months heavily medicated and then when I left I had to go back to school and function. I was determined to survive!! I knew the right answer would come someday if I just asked for it and really wanted it. And it has. Your story sounds so familiar to me and I know just how you are feeling but believe me when you get past the scaryness, and you will, you will feel such a freedom that no words can describe.
You need to be easy on yourself but know that you are capable of anything you set your mind to.

THere are so many people that post on this forum that have the scary thought of suicide! You are not weird because of it! What I gather from reading posts and responses is that people that have this scary thought (myself included) are not on the verge of doing it, are scared to death at the thought of it, and have no desire to do it. Yet the thought is still there. People that want to do it are not at all afraid of it and probably find comfort in the thought of suicide. We do not. We take a great fear and turn it inside out and upside down until we have so confused ourselves with it that we think we may actually do it, when in reality it scares the heck out of us because that is the last thing that we want to do!!! Don't feel embarassed by this thought. What you need to do, and maybe we can help, is get a handle on these thoughts and get to the point where they don't make you scared and ashamed. Good luck- you aer so mot alone on this one!

You are so right, Little One. I was told (and I beleive) that they are called "intrusive thoughts." Thoughts that intrude on our everyday life....and scare us. People who want to commit suicide, I have heard, are at peace with their decision. I never wanted to die as a way out! I always wanted to live. That is what was so scarey...I was always afraid 24.7 of dying.

Well, I am off to the gym.....to help make feel good.

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Don't take anything personally.
Always be impecable with your word.
Don't assume anything.
Always do your best!

Thanks all for the comforting words. Moonstar---thanks, I feel like we're kindrid spirits. Although, my experience was not at all as bad as yours. Hats off to you--I am in awe of your perseverance. You mentioned that I can do anything that I set my mind to. Easier said than done. Sometimes I think that if I really wanted to get better then I would. Sometimes I feel like I don't want it bad enough--then again, if I didn't want to get better then why would I be spending at least an hour every evening pouring over the Forum and another hour in a relaxing hot bath journaling. Of course this has just been my routine for a couple of weeks. I guess what I'm trying to say is I get really into my skills for a while and then I get to slacking. I never have been good at sticking to stuff. I guess what really matters is when I slack off and start feeling bad I know to pull out the tapes and workbook. Does any of this sound familiar to anyone or am I the only one that does this? Anyway---I am interested in knowing all of ya'll's tips on getting rid of the suicide thoughts or do you ever get rid of them? (notice the ya'll--I am such a redneck!) My ears are open to suggestions. This Forum is truly the coolest thing. I feel surrounded by friends!
Yellow Rose