well I sure am glad that I came on tonight to just read, I couldnt sleep and thought I will come here and just read the forums.
I have never really been a drinker, but since about 6 months after my divorce (3 years ago) I began drinking, (I did somethings that went against my moral beliefs and I just hated myself for them) I know the drinking was to forget what I had done.
Well the Lord in all his wonder put my husband and myself back together, yet... it seems that even though I have gone through this program more then 3 times and my husband and I are back married; I seem to fall back into drinking to bring myself down, like after work or if we have a problem that I feel out of control with, or even when Iam lonely, I really started drinking after my youngest son moved to Utah and got married, I felt so alone and useless, I spent alot of time drinking then,
Usually I drink 3 hard lemon aids and thats it.
But after Iam done and the alcohol is wore off I have such Guilt about it. I'm a Christian and I love Jesus with all my heart. I know that this is not a action that He would want me to have, yet i find it hard to keep the alcohol off my mind, its so easy to justify Y i can and should drink. This behavior I desire to stop. So the guilt about drinking is intence not just because its alcohol but the thought that " if I loved the Lord like I say I do, I would just stop drinking, period" so then I think then that must mean that I dont love the Lord. which then causes me to have scary thoughts about the Lord and being accepted by Him and not rejected.

Please if anyone has any advise they can give to me, I'm open to listen.
Thank you

God Bless

Hi Royal Fortress,

I don't have any advice but I do share your problem. I go through "phases" with my drinking and I am currently in a bad one. It is not what some would call bad but its enough. I have pressures right now and I am trying to "self medicate" with wine. I need to stop or cut way down. I am suffering from massive anxiety, worry and guilt right now and I know it is from the alcohol. It really messes you up chemically when you are sober, which makes you want to drink more to kill the anxiety, which messes you up more, which make you want to.... well, you get it.

I got up at 5am this morning because I had way too much anxiety and while I was laying there, I kept telling myself I am not going to drink this week. Your post has helped me. By reading it, I want to stay strong.

Hang in there! We will get through this.

Fortress,
Have you tried finding an AA group? They actually do help, and they keep each other accountable when they drink. Its a definite problem for you it seems, and they have wonderful groups and dont be ashamed to go. Alcohol never solves a problem it just numbs it till the next day, and then the problem is back. Your a christian, so am I. I learned until you ALLOW GOD to help you overcome an addiction, you will never do it. Because most people cant do it for themselves or alone. After all , God is in Control of everything. You might consider counseling to, to help with those problems you cant seem to solve. I will keep you in my prayers!!! God bless you, Nelly

I really feel your pain. I know what it is like to self medicate and the guilt that comes with it. However, you can quit drinking if you really want to. The old AA principle of taking things one day at a time really applies. Admit to yourself that you are powerless over alcohol and turn things over to God. I beat a 20 year addiction to cigarettes this way. It will be four years in February. One of my closet friends became a member of AA many years ago. It was the best move that she ever made. She has been sober for 15 years.

You can do it! Trust in God and in yourself.

Nikki

I just wanted to thank you all for your advice, it helped me alot just to beable to read some of your comments.
I know that I can beat anything that I put my faith and mind to, I stopped smoking Feb. 10, 2005 and drinking is no big deal.
Thank you again
keep the faith and thank you for all your prayers.

God bless

Royal.
If anyone has alcohol on thier mind, they are probably an alcoholic. I'm a recovering alcoholic for almost 1 year now. I used to drink every day for 40 years. I went to AA because I bottomed out, drinking from sun up to sun down. I went through a tough divorce, and couldn't cope with me being alone all of a sudden. I self- medicated. Not a good idea when taking meds. Then I got into touble with the law and said "That's It, I quit". It was the best thing I've ever done. Sure, I had to learn how to live sober, but I still have fun and have lots of friends for support. People who are not alcoholics don't think of thier next drink. I'm alergic to alcohol. 1 drink is too much, and 1,000 drinks are not enough. I say the Serenity Prayer every day.

God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

If you believe and trust in God, just ask Him to remove your shortcomings. Let go and let God. One day at a time.

Dennis

Hi Dennis,
I'm new to the program. I am an alcoholic for many years...can't even count them. I was fortunate enough to sober for a whole year. Then so much happened in my life all at once that the anxiousness took over and do did the alcohol. Got any tips for me? Or any encouraging words.
I'm so glad to hear that you have become sober. I can't go to AA around here. I'm a know business person and I'm afraid if I went to their local meetings--well, I would loose business. Look forward to hearing from you. TERRY

I have high anxiety and social phobia so I try not to participate in any social events or even get into small groups to talk. Recently I found that what I have is Avoidance personality disorder(apd) and I just feel comfortable being alone and I enjoy drinking. It helps to relieve stress, pain, anxiety, and bad memories. And most of all it makes me happy. I'm not dependent on alcohol but I drink to enjoy. For me my enemy is myself, the way I think about myself and how I torture myself over and over again mentally. I wish there is a way to just turn the switch off in my head, to feel good about myself.