thank you all for your words of wisdom. i went through the program about a year ago. and i seemed to be doing better. i have been married, moved, bought a house, got a new job, and had a little baby boy all within the last two years, and while the program helped, i never fully let go of the anxiety. in the past year i have been seeing a therapist and i have tried many drugs, such as prozac, zoloft, lexapro, and the latest one was abillify for OCD. when the side effects became to much to handle for the abiliffy i stopped it. and over the last two weeks i have been as low as i've ever been. my intrusive scary thoughts are much more frequent and i feel very depressed. i can deal with the depression, but the scary thoughts are, well, scary. i can't seem to get passed the fact that they are there. what is the difference between me and someone who actually acts on them? i feel an impulse sometimes to act on them (like for instance when someone has a fear of heights and they are in a hgih place, they feel an impulse to jump.) do i actually in some deep dark place have a sick desire to do these things? sometimes i feel like they are so real and that at any moment i could snap and act upon them. they are mostly thoughts about hruting or even killing my child. he jsut turned 1 and i'm having a hard time connecting to him becasue of these thoughts. i want to pull away so he will be safe. why won't these thoughts stop? there are moments, few and far between, that i can believe they are just scary thoughts, and i rejoice. but then i'll have a new scary thought and obsess about it for hours or days. i read your posts and they are helpful. but then i have thoughts that maybe i'm jsut fooling everyone and i'm really a bad person who will do bad things. anyway i'm not sure what i am wanting to get from a post. but thanks for letting me vent.

Hi! I just wanted to drop you a note to let you know that obscessing about hurting a loved one is very common. I had those thoughts myself and couldn't even look at butter knife at that time in my life. Just remember this-the people who actually commit these crimes enjoy them. It brings them great pleasure- not fear or worry. In other words, being scared or worried when having these thoughts is a GOOD sign.

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Originally posted by love31:
Hello,My biggest problem with anxiety is obsessive thoughts.I have been fighting this for along time. It has gotten easier to deal with but the thoughts just wont go away, I have two beautiful boys they are my life and they need me, I just don't understand how I could think that I would ever hurt them, I know that it is nothing that I would ever ever do, I love them so much,they are the reason why I fight so hard. I have my good days and bad days, it seems when I'm about to start is when I can't get rid of the thoughts. Has this happened to anyone

Hi Everyone, I am pregnant now of 5 months. I was doing fine till may and started having thoughts of being a bad mother. After that I started having thoughts that I possibly would hurt my baby after he is born. It is so scary and when I tell myself that I would never do it, the question comes to my mind...what if i would do it?Ohhhhhh this is killing me. I am on medications for almost two weeks and I control them sometimes, but sometimes I think I am going crazy. Please help me