Ok so this is embarassing to talk about but I need some feedback because it really bothers me. Ok so I love women, love everything about them, from their perfect bodies to they perfect faces, but I've noticed myself staring at guys at times. I don't know if thats normal because I really don't want to be gay and I hope that this doesn't mean that. I notice if a guy is good looking and I catch myself staring at a guy sometimes and I start getting scared that I'm being gay or something. I just don't get it because I'll see some random guy and for some reason I'll be like inspecting him and its not like I'm fantasizing about him but it scares me that I'm like looking so hard at someone of the same sex, when I should only be doing that with women. Has anyone ever caught themselves staring at members of the same sex and like really observing them. This scares me so much I don't want to be gay and I don't want to be something hinting at me that I am because that would be devastating, its not something I need ontop of the anxiety I already have from recently breaking up with my girlfriend and questioning if it was the right thing to do, as well as the anxiety from life and me being scared of not knowing what to do with my life now that I don't have my girlfriend of 1 year who was so perfect, yet somehow I just cant bring myself to getting back with her and I don't know why..

YES IT'S NORMAL BRO.IM AS STRAIGHT AS THEY COME AND I LOVE WOMEN IN ALL SHAPES AND SIZES IM MEAN REALLY WE ARE CAVEMEN AND A VERY VISUAL CREATURES.ABOUT YOUR GAY THOUGHT THING WELL FIRST OFF THIS IS COMPLETELY A SYMPTOM OF ANXIETY.YOUR BRAIN IS PLAYIN A LITTLE NASTY TRICK ON YOU AND IT WILL SEARCH FOR SOMETIHNG THAT IT KNOWS WILL BOTHER YOU AND LOOKS LIKE IT HIT THE LOTTERY WITH THIS ONE.YOU JUST HAVE TO JUST ACCEPT THE THOUGHT NO MATTER WHAT THE CONTENT.IT COULD BE YOU FOOLING AROUND WITH SOME DUDE OR HURTING SOMEONE,BUT JUST REALIZE THAT IT IS JUST A SYMPTOM NOT HOW YOU ARE.I WOULD RECCOMMEND READING A FEW ARTICLES BY DR STEVE PHILLIPSON WWW.OCDONLINE.COM IT WILL HELP A BUNCH.IT IS NOT UN-COMMON AT ALL FOR ANYONE TO GET THESE THOUGHTS.THE PROBLEM WITH PEOPLE WITH ANXIETY IS WE HAVE A BROKEN AMYGDALA AND THOUGHTS THAT BOTHER US GET STUCK THERE AND HANG AROUND.WHERE AS A NORMAL GUY WOULD THINK FOR 3 SECONDS GET THE HIBBIE JIBBIES AND DISMISS IT.JUST ACCEPT IT AND LET IT BE THERE.YOU'LL BE FINE AND STOP LOOKING FOR RE-ASSURANCE BECAUSE IT WILL MAKE IT WORSE YOU WILL NEVER HAVE THE ANSWER 100%.THE ONLY WAY IS TO ACCEPT AND JUST EXPECT IT TO BE THERE AND SAY ITS JUST A THOUGHT AND MY ANXIETY.GOOD LUCK AND YOU WILL BE FINE .IF IT STARTS TO GET BAD NOT TO WORRY I WOULD CONTACT A THERAPIST WHO SPECIALIZES IN CBT AND YOU'LL HAVE IT LICKED IN KNOW TIME.I MEAN IT IVE BEEN THERE .PEACE

http://www.ocdonline.com/articlephillipson7.php LOOK UNDER GAY SPIKE EXACTLY WHAT UR GOING THRU BRO .YOU FINE AND I BEG YOU TO STOP LOOKING FOR RE-ASSURANCE BECAUSE ITS LIKE THROWING GAS ON A FIRE JUST ACCEPT IT AND LET IT BE.WE ALL GET THESE THOUGHT EVERY SINGLE DAMN PERSON JUST MOST DONT EVEN REALIZE IT BECAUSE THERE AMYGDALA IS FINE

I agree with snowflake,I think we all look at the same sex people sometimes just to compare our selves to something they have that we like.
Clothing,hair,beard,jewelry,ect. I think this is very normal.

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my girlfriend of 1 year who was so perfect, yet somehow I just cant bring myself to getting back with her and I don't know why..

I can relate to this part. I used to date a boy for a year, and drop him. as to Why? I think I was board with it. You know, it was like I had seen all his sides, a years worth and I rellly didn't see me living with him the rest of my life, I suppose it was shallow. and after 12 guys asked me to marry them and I told them no. 5 of witch I had dated for a year.
I ended up marrying the one I dated for 4 months. but you know what after I had known him for a year I was board with him too. only this time I was commited to make the relationship work, and I found that I didn't need to be board, I could change things ofcourse the baby changed things, in my life but I mean I needed to deepen our relationship it was shallow for that year and it needed to go deeper, and more intiment. That was 38 years ago and I can tell you it is not a Cinderella life Marriage takes work, and comitment if I believed in Divorce I would have had several by now. I am not that easy to live with. Thank God I married a man that was able to ignore my sarcasim, and my anger, and alow me to grow up, together with him. It is all worth it now we are growing old together, and it is all much easier, we are still going deeper in our intimecy with eachother. We no longer are shallow in any aria, but we can still get deeper. There is always surprises, and things to overcome, but it is all worth it. I have never regretted loveing this man, and I could never love again not like this! It takes more than a year to grow together, and become one. I have wondered if I hadn't commited to him when I did if I would stll be jumping every year to something new and exciting, and never get deep enough to realy know what Love is.

I am not suggesting you get back with this girl, but I do Believe when you find the right one for you, you will know it sooner than a year, and when you do Marry make it a lifetime commitment. because it is truly the secret to etermal youth, when I look at my husband I still see that young Marine fresh home from Nam, doing his best to impress me. and he is 60 now, but I do not see the wrinkles, the gray, or the sagging phsique, I see that same young man I married. 38 years ago. My heart still jumps when I see him or when I hear him comeing, just like it did the first time I saw him. I guess I do believe in Love at first sight, because now I only love him more! but not every day, some days I could walk away, but not for long never for very long, after a few days my armes ache for him!

When I was doing the program I found that each lesson evoked in me that witch I was studdying and it brought out of me that wich I needed to work on. As far as that wondering eye, well it needs bridled, no matter if you are looking at all the girls or a few of the guyes, you need to pick one, and be menogumus, to be happy. My dad used to tell me to "be happy with what you have got, not with what you have not, folkes what do this are the happyest lot" by Jiminey Cricket, in Fantasia I think, Dad loved cartoons. and they have allot of wisdom in them. it goes clear back to the 10 Comandments as in "Don't Covet thy neighbor". those rules aren't against you they are for your happyness. As long as you are looking, and especially if you are feeling guilty, about looking, your eye will lead you in to trouble.

"what you FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real) you will attract". Lucinda, and I have read it in "The Power of Positive thinking", by Norman Vincent Peal. I would say don't make any decissions for a life time, untill you get rid of the FEAR, push it out of you head, distract yourself. I watched my husband use his work to push out his fear, and even better if he could go out and kill something. (go hunting) he came home from Nam with allot of baggage, and he would distract himself from dwelling on it, he became a work aholic, and went fishing, and hunting, and rodioing, to put new and more demanding things in his mind, it worked for him for years. The nightmaires were offten there but they started leaving, the more he was involved with his work. Affter his Dad died and he became the Ranch Mannager, the bad dreames were fewer and fewer, So get passionatly involved in somethig. I have other friends, that are in to body building. or School, they have their Masters, and go on to their Doctorits, now. You dan do it on the net.
Even helping others on here can become a passion that you can get so involved in their problems you forget your own problems or get a better understanding of your own, Journalling is a great help for that as well. Good Hunting!

well brother i had to repost because you will get alot of info that may make you worse.First off you cannot just think to yourself if "i dont want to be gay i wont be" no disrespect but that is a load of crap.People that are gay dont wake up one day and say hey i think im gonna be gay.The gay thought is not the issue here.Its how you feel when you get a certain thought not the content.The key to this is ACCEPTANCE bro trust me on this.I think and wish for alot of things one of them has been to be really rich and become President it hasnt happened yet weird because i was thinking it..Just teasing a little but please it's called pure O brother its an anxiety condition thats it.THIS IS THE PART IM TALKING ABOUT YOU'LL COME IN HERE TO GET RE-ASSURANCE AND YOU'LL WIND UP FREAKING YOURSELF OUT MORE...YOU WILL BE FINE JUST REALIZE ITS PART OF ANXIETY AND YOU CANT CONTROL WHAT YOU THINK.THAT IS A SCIENTIFIC FACT.YOU CAN CONTROL HOWEVER HOW YOU RE-ACT AND HANDLE THE THOUGHT.GOOD LUCK

why shouldnt i get back with her...there was nothing wrong with her to begin with..how do you know that all the guys you dated for a year couldnt have been better husbands than yours right now, why did you all of the sudden stop at him. You say that it takes a lot longer than a year for the feelings to develop yet you said after 4 months your ready i dont get your logic. And you make marriage sound like a chore, if you both love each other it shouldn't be that much work to keep it alive or maybe thats just my thinking

hey there orlender, it is normal to look at all people. people look at people. i look at women all the time. doesn't mean i want to get physical. i admire some. think some are dressed really cool. some are pretty,some are not. it's ok to look at same sex. everyone does. as for the x it's hard to have a relationship when you have gad/dep, takes much energy that we don't have at this time. hang in there dude kp

"No really, If you dont want to be gay, you wont be."

I'm not even going to go into how wrong and false that statement is.

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olnderc; why shouldnt i get back with her...there was nothing wrong with her to begin with..how do you know that all the guys you dated for a year couldnt have been better husbands than yours right now, why did you all of the sudden stop at him. You say that it takes a lot longer than a year for the feelings to develop yet you said after 4 months your ready i dont get your logic. And you make marriage sound like a chore, if you both love each other it shouldn't be that much work to keep it alive or maybe thats just my thinking

Reality takes work, all relationshipes take work, I agree If you love each other it should't be that much work, that is the fairytail theory we all grew up with "and they lived happly ever after" but each of us bring our baggage to the relationship, all the strongholds of our growing up and, it seems opposits attract, yet they also work appart, some times you grow in seperate stages.

Oh I have offten over the years wondered about the other 12 and once in a while I see them and so far it has always proved me right. Still as you grow in your life changes are bound to happen, and I wondered many times did I make a mistake, and yet there are days I think I problably did. but my faith and my determination to make it work. Because I do believe in the sanctaty of marriage that keeps me from quiting. Looking at my divorced friends I feel sorry for them, they will never know what the deapth of love realy is.

There has been years when I have been dissapointed in my life in general affter all I am on this forum becasue I have the the Program, because my feeling were out of my control. Witch is why I don't think you should make any life long decissions as long as your feelings are out of control. You need to love yourself and know yourself, before you can be clear minded enought to make a decission for a life time comitment like marriage, to share yourself with her compleetly.

I knew he was the one I wanted to spend my life with, on our 3rd date. I was a vergin on our wedding night, I never gave more than enough to any other man. My heart was clear from any and all ties, the only tie I broke was with my parrents, when I married my husband. Then we moved on the Ranch with his folks, and my world was all but distroyed, but that is another story. although it is part of life! we went in to our marriage totaly in love then his mother tryed to get rid of me, and his sister, and some of the neighbors, I thought I had moved to hell for many years. Our love had to get through that, he was fresh home from Nam, and in his own depression, our marriage had to ride that wave of distruction. I love him with an undying love, but I didn't always feel he felt the same way. I felt neglected, used, he through his life in to rodio, and hunting, and his ranch work. I was home with kids, I felt so alone.

Life Happens, there are things like that tearing at your union all the time, you have to be strong, and tinatious, and know that you are unseperable. Like I said before if Devorce is an opption you will get one. I personaly do not believe it is an opption, and before I said yes to my husband that night he asked me to marry him. I asked him if he believed in Divorce. He said no he didn't. if he had said yes, or maybe. I would have never married him.

Perhaps my Dad was right perhaps I was just ready to get married and who ever asked me at that time would have won me. He knew me very well, we were alot alike. I don't really know. Life is like a boat on the watter it goes up, it goes down. Our job is to always make sure we are boyent enough to be content with wear we are, and hold steady, through the storms of life, intact, and making sure our ancor holds. Love can calm the waters, but the stormes will always come. I wasn't sick when we got married, one of my husbands strongholdes from his child hood was; he hated to be around sick people, so I hardly saw him for 7 mo. of my pregnency when I started morning sickness untill 4pm every day, and affter that I had migrains for 30 years. I had a hard time holding on to the beilefe that he loved me through all of that, pluss he had been hurt by wemon who had told him they loved him and then proved they didn't. so he didn't tell me he loved me, he told me if I loved him just prove it, don't say it. That was difficult. but for better or for worse. I am in this for the long hall, and I am more in love with him today than I was 30 years ago. he has worked through his bagage and I have worked through mine. with the help of this program and others. We have grown together over the years through the tears, and the pain, we have 2 blood covinents to keep us strong in the storms, and now grandchildren.

This is a very good program, I wish I had found it earlyer in my life. It has helped me to hold the helm realizing that my pattern of thinking from possibly child hood, has brought me to the brink of distruction, and I have to change to be less affected, and more effective in my own life.

I assume you are on Lesson 10? This is the lesson that helps us to realize "Feelings are not facts." and Love is a feeling, that comes and goes. people fall in love and our of love all the time on TV in the movies. So to know she is the one, it has to be more than a feeling or to drop her knowing she isn't the one has to be more than a feeling. You have to get out your list of what you want in a woman. Your Positive and Negative list, and weigh the 2 sides. Like you make any decission weather it is buying a car or a house. You have to know this is what you want, for life! Then you have to keep it. Houses and cars demand upkeep and so do relationships. You can't neglect the little squeeks and leeks very long, or it will deteriate to a place of no salvageing. My Grandmother told my husband "if you treat you wife like a thourobread, you will never be married to a nag". I truly think your obsessive, scary thoughts are more about the decission you are making, the cross road you are standing on with this girl than it is about looking at guys. that is just a distraction your mind is doing to distract you from the real FEAR of commitment with her that you are dwelling on. Stay the course keep working on the program, you arent through yet. And after you finnish there will be more growing pains more of life to practice useing you the tooles you have learned, and you will get throgh it. Never Give Up, this is your life, and it is worth the time it takes to know what you want and keep it.

Olenderc - Climb Mountains has hit it right on the nose. We make our healing so much more difficult than it needs to be. It does take time and patience and most of all love (acceptance).

You'll be OK. Practice being in the moment. Just allow your thoughts to come and go. So, big deal, you have these thoughts. So what. Think about it - the only one they bother is you. When you start allowing, the thoughts will no longer bother you and it won't claim you so intensely any longer.

I understand. You are not the first to go through this. It's just your OCD....

My best to you.

no your intentions where in the right place snowflake no worries on my part

You did fine, snowflake. Your information is very helpful...

Yeah, I understand your fear. I am probably gay, and though i tried to fight it at first, I feel no shame or worry getting physical with another guy at this point. Infact, i like it. But, the point is, you may not be gay just cause you are having those thoughts. I have been having some thoughts how beautiful some woman are, and I still think I am mostly gay. In anycase, I could use some support in the LA area in terms of not running from my scary thoughts.

olenderc; I would invite you to our book study "The Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer. It is on the Spirituality Forum. I thought about your question as I was reading in that book today, it has allot of answers about anxiety and depression.

Today I was reading in chapter 6 and posted this;

Joyce writes; "We must go through things that are difficult and learn how to respond to them the way Jesus would. We must not give way to the feaful thoughts and feelins that attack us. We must learn to remain steadfast, knowing that no matter how things appear now, God will work them out for our good-and in the process, He will use them to make us better people. we learn through what we suffer.

Were the mind goes the man follows. Keep your mind going in the right direction, and your life will catch up with it. A person who has their faith firmly planted in God cannot be defeated. Remember Joseph's brothers hated him, but God was with him. God gave him favor and promoted him, God lifted him above his circumstances.

Some terrible things happened to Joseph. His brothers sold him to slave traders. He was betrayed by those whom he served and tried to help, but God had a good plan for Joseph, and it came to pass. He ultimatly said that althought the things that hppened to him were originally meant for harm, God intended it for good.

This same thing is true for all of us. Satan cannot defeat us if we keep believing that God is working for our good, and that we are being continually transformed into His image'.

I could coppy this and post it on all the Forums, every one is hurting and can't understand why, we must get back to our true selves, only Believe and let God work it out in us.