I sometimes have these scary thought that I am attracted to the same sex, I mean it's terrifying. I have a wonderful boyfreind and I am always constantly worried that I am going to hurt him emotionally, like someday I may leave him for a woman, or that I don't love him and that I am just lying to him. I sometimes think it's because we have been together for almost 2 years now, and I'm just expecting something bad to happen, I don't want to live that way, I don't want to be with anyone but him.

DOES ANYONE HAVE THIS, I'VE HEARD EVERYTHING BUT THIS FEAR?

Thanks, Amber.

Hi Amber. Although you've heard of everything but this fear, I think that this fear is related to all of the others. I think it goes back to all other scary thoughts and the reason we have them -- to distract ourselves from other real issues. We sometimes think of things that are most opposite of who we are and they scare us. When people write of a fear of knives and using them to hurt someone or a fear that they would hurt their children, they are all expressing something that is repulsive to them or something that is totally opposite of who they are. In your case, your fear of being attracted to someone of the same sex may be something that is so totally opposite of you and you use it to successfully distract yourself from real issues.

Although I have a much greater appreciation and understanding of homosexuality now that I am older, I too have had to deal with this fear. Part of it has to do with experiences that I had when I was in my twenties and another part of it has to do with expectations of loved ones. Growing up as the "perfect child" meant that I had to do everything "right." To be attracted to someone of the same sex would be a definite no-no with my family, i.e., something not aligned with the "perfect child" image. I VIEW it as something that would be hurtful to them and that is they are the last two people I would ever want to hurt. It can be a very effective distractor. And please understand that as I write this, I am beginning to understand why I have had similar thoughts within the last couple of days. I have a very stressful and uncomfortable event coming up in two weeks and I'm afraid that I won't deal with it well. By distracting myself, I don't have to deal with the event itself. Wow! That just dawned on me!!!

Thanks so much for posting your question. In a huge way it has helped me to become more focused on MY task at hand. I hope I have helped in some way to alleviate your fear. Good luck to you Amber and have a great day.

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Mountaingirl
come forth into the light of things ~ let nature be your teacher. William Wordsworth

[This message has been edited by mountaingirl (edited 06-09-2001).]

Hey this is weird cause I thought I was the only one who has worried about this, it is extrememly frustrting and some times it consumes my whole life it feels but worst of all it intereferes with my g/f and I's reltionship, I have just started worrying about this in the past couple of years, I have had am expeirience when I was younger that started my worry, form one thing happening when I was 12 or 13 but it is relly frightening. I think but I sometimes feel a sense of urgency to see if I m gay or not hehehe, but it is very scary, I sometimes I have thoughts like is my dad going to kiss me if we re in close proximety stuff like that just sort of bizzare thoughts but my problem is that I m also scared of them and want to be able to control them and don't want them to happen around my friends or at work cause they make me feel real anxious and out of control, trying to control them just exaggertes them n that's all we need to do hehehe, that's the worst thing we can do, personly we as human's fear things we can not control but I think we should just let them be and enjoy the rush we can get,
I definitely hear ya, it is even worse when you start thinking peole think your gay or are paranoid that people are thinking that it can make life really unpleasant, so I think that if at all posible just let the thoughts come and don't try to panic and figure them out, and everything should be fine.

thank you for your reply, Actually once I finally posted my fear on the site, alot of my worry and stress went away, but more of it was taken away when I read your replys. Thank you so much for relating your story's. This program is so wonderful, the support they give is just tremendous.
Lucinda is very special, because she knows what it's like to actually have this "distraction" in our lives, she goes the extra mile to help anxiety sufferers, I commend her and thank her for all her help, she does more than any therepist or doctor could ever do. thank you again for your replies, god bless you all.

Thank you again. Amber

"Let thy lord hold you in his arms, and comfort thy weeping soul."

Hey everyone I also used to have this obsession. And I'm sure Mark can relate to this when I say it's tough for us guys to have this thought cause it's more acceptable in society for women to be homosexual than men. I used to think that I was homosexual or bisexual and just in "denial" about it. I had myself conviced that I was more attracted to men than women. I figured these thoughts must be true if they were bothering me so much. But on a lighter note, these are nothing but obsessive thoughts to distract us from something else in our lifes. I went through this program and also talked with a psychologist affiliated with this program. He really opened doors for me. He said that if it was something I was in denial about, then I wouldn't be obsessing about it!! I was like duhhh why didn't I realize that. That makes sense what he said, but we can get wrapped up in our thoughts sometimes. He told me that the real issue was a fear of intimacy. He's right because I always feared of getting serious with a girl because I was afraid I'd leave her for a man. And now I know that it's not true. I love girls hehe. But anyways, maybe Amber and Mark also have a fear of being too close...maybe that's why they are obsessing about this. Whatever the real issue is, just realize that you are obsessing about this to cover up the real issue....maybe fear of intimacy, maybe fear of getting heartbroken, etc. If anyone wants to email me please feel free.

Tony

quote:

Originally posted by amberassist:
I sometimes have these scary thought that I am attracted to the same sex, I mean it's terrifying. I have a wonderful boyfreind and I am always constantly worried that I am going to hurt him emotionally, like someday I may leave him for a woman, or that I don't love him and that I am just lying to him. I sometimes think it's because we have been together for almost 2 years now, and I'm just expecting something bad to happen, I don't want to live that way, I don't want to be with anyone but him.

DOES ANYONE HAVE THIS, I'VE HEARD EVERYTHING BUT THIS FEAR?

Thanks, Amber.

Amber
I used to have this fear to but I overcame it in a weird way. Now don't laugh at me but I got in a bi or gay chat room a few times even came close to meeting another bi-chic in person and when it came right down to it I realized that I wasn't really like that and it helped me deal with my feelings of being that way or the curiousity that I had. lol.... Besides that it helped me realize that I am not into other women like I thought I was. I just wanted to make more girlfriends I guess? Anyhow I was told once by a professional that it is a natural feeling to want to experiment with the same sex. Now I didn't say that it was ok but it is a natural feeling to have. I can successfully say that I have gotten over them fears and feeling of feeling that way. I guess the chat rooms really helped because I kinda got to experience what it was like on that end.
I hope this helps!
Blonde

Hey blonde I did the same thing too!! I made up a secret screenname different from the one I usually used just so that no one I knew could find me. I also almost ended up meeting people in those rooms but it never happened. Just like you said it would be a natural feeling, my obsessions were so bad that I used to think well maybe it is a natural feeling for me and I'm just not accepting it. I told you how I got over it in my previous reply though so I won't get into it again. I'm just glad now that I know it was just a scary thought.

To all,

Just to further reassure: Throughout the 15 years I have been on the support lines, I have had this question many times.

Let's all be ourselves and love ourselves as we are...Carolyn