Hi guys,

Do any of you ever worry about developing conspiracies against humanity or weird theories of existence that would consequently render you insane? I know this sounds sort of odd. I'm just finding myself almost obsessing over things like "WHAT IF I began to think that I control everyone or that everyone's in a dream or that everything is happening just for me or that I'm God and need to know everything about the earth?" This is so totally STUPID though!! It bothers me because I was in to see a doc who told me that if I was insane, I'd be probably be saying things like "oh, you don't understand, they're all against me!" And so I started to worry the other day about BECOMING like this.

The fact that I'm even entertaining these thoughts in my mind ("what if this is a dream", etc?) makes me worry I'm on the road to mental illness. I don't enjoy them, they bother me, and yet I still WORRY that someday I MIGHT enjoy or believe them because -- well, what if it's true? And then I spiral back into my little hell! And then I was having some fearful thoughts about the PROGRAM too when I was in a real state...like what if they're brainwashing me and it's bad and...ugh!

Does anyone else experience this? Is it just my racing thoughts? I'd love your help!!!

Isn't it amazing how clever we can be in torturing ourselves? You sound like a very creative person. I, too, have had fears of going insane. During my worst anxiety, I had strange dreams (I was also taking an antidepressant), and I worried that I was becoming schizophrenic. I have also had thoughts like, "What if the whole world is in on some cosmic joke, and I am the punchline?" I finally realized that if the world is watching me that closely, too bad for them! They must be getting pretty bored watching me brush my teeth.

I don't mean to make light of your fears. I do understand. If you are truly concerned, see a mental health professional. I suspect that he/she will be able to reassure you.

One other thing to note is that when you are "what ifing" like this, you are not in the present moment. Stay focused on now, and realize that you are OK right now. Try to stop scaring yourself with these thoughts. What comforting thought can you replace the negative thoughts with?

Take care,