Hello everyone,

I am new to the board. I will make a long story short. After having my son in 2000 I starting having panic & anxiety attacks.(then I didn't know what that was) I didn't know what was happening to me I differently knew something was not right. So I spoke to my Dr. and he told me I was having panic attacks sometimes this happens to new mothers because they feel so isolated it will pass. Well, a month later it didn't then I started to get scary thoughts about hurting my child which scared the hell out of me I couldn't understand why I was thinking that way I knew i would never hurt my son. I never felt like this before I always thought I was the strong person and I helped everyone. I did go see a therapist and he did help me he told me that I wouldn't act on these thoughts and after a while I felt a lot better. But then I saw some news article which I find very disturbing brings all my fears back to me.

Then I saw the advertisement for the Midwest Center I ordered the tapes. When i received the tapes i couldn't believe there were people just like me and what i was feeling it made me feel so much better. i was doing great for about 6 months
All of a sudden boom my thoughts came back all diffrent ones to make it even more scary but I can handle them a little better with the skills i learned but I wish they would go away forever.
Sorry to be going on like this but I figured I give you a little info first. If anyone has felt like there anxiety was all gone then all of sudden there fears came back maybe you can give me a few words of advice. Thanks

I just wanted to say to Michael if you read this every time I read the post that you write you make me feel SO much better thank god there are people like you whom im sure have helped many people overcome there fears. And to everyone on this site who open up and touched my life. It takes a lot of guts to do that it took me almost 2yrs to write in this post. God bless

Kissy812

HI! BOY CAN I RELATE TO YOUR STORY! I TO STARTED ALL OF THIS WHEN I HAD MY FIRST DAUGHTER. ACTUALLY IT STARTED DURING MY PREGNANCY WITH HER. I HAD LOST A BABY A FEW YEARS BEFORE AND I WAS CONSTANTLY WORRYING ABOUT LOOSING HER. AFTER I HAD HER MY LIFE WAS REAL SMALL, MEANING I COULDNT DRIVE FAR WHICH WAS HARD BECAUSE MY MOM AND SIS LIVED 45 MINUTES AWAY, THANK GOD I HAD MY MOTHER IN LAW. ANYWAY IT SLOWLY EASED UP AND I STARTED TO BE MORE RELAXED AND NORMAL. UNTIL ONE DAY I WAS SICK AND I WAS IN BED SOMEONE CALLED ME AND TOLD ME TO TURN ON OPRAH "ITS A SHOW ABOUT BABIES" OH BOY WRONG SHOW FOR ME TO WATCH, IT WAS ABOUT WOMEN WITH POST PARTUM PHSYCOSIS. THEY KILLED THEIR BABIES. IT FREAKED ME OUT. AFTER THAT I WAS JUST FREAKED I STARTED WITH THE OCD STUFF BIG TIME. I WOULDNT EAT CERTAIN FOODS I LIKED, YOU KNOW THE OLD IF I DONT DO THIS EVERYTHING WILL BE OK. I GOT DOWN TO 110 POUNDS AND I AM 5 8' SO I WAS BONEY. I SNAPPED OUT OF THAT WHEN I GOT REAL SICK. BUT THE FEAR WAS STILL THERE. THEN I GOT PREGNANT WITH MY SECOND DAUGHTER. I WANTED TO HAVE A BOY SO BAD FOR MY HUSBAND SO I WOULD NOT HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN. WELL SHE WAS A GIRL. I LOVE HER SO MUCH AND SHE HAS BEEN A TREASURE TO ME TO US. BUT WHEN I GET INTO MY ANXIETY REAL STRONG I START HAVING WEIRD THOUGHTS LIKE WHAT IF I REALLY DONT LOVE HER. ITS SO STUPID SHES 13 NOW AND I KNOW I LOVE HER AND I KNOW HOW MANY MEMORIES I HAVE WITH BOTH MY DAUGHTERS. I KNOW ITS JUST MY ANXIETY AND MY OBSESSIVE THOUGHTS AND I KNOW I CAN CHANGE IT. I HAVE DONE IT BEFORE. I FOUND THE MIDWEST PROGRAM TEN YEARS AGO AND DID FANTASTIC FOR 8 YEARS. I HAVE RUN INTO SOME ROAD BLOCKS THE LAST TWO YEARS. I KNOW ITS LIFE, YOU KNOW MONEY JOBS BILLS TEENAGERS, SO ON. LIFE THROUGHS US SOME CURVE BALLS AND SOMETIMES WE STUMBLE AND EVEN FALL. BUT WE MUST AND WE DO PICK OURSELVES UP AND GET MOVING. I REALLY BELIEVE THE THOUGHTS WE HAVE ABOUT OUR CHILDREN ARE REALLY JUST OUR FEAR OF LOOSING THEM. FOR MOMS IT IS SUCH AN INTENSE FEAR AND MAYBE WE HAVE THESE CRAZY THOUGHTS BECAUSE WE KNOW THEY ARE NOT TRUE AND WE CAN CONTROL THEM, EVEN THOUGH WE FEEL OUT OF CONTROL, AND THAT IS OUR WAY OF BEING IN CONTROL OF THE WHOLE THING. IT SOUNDS CONFUSING BUT THATS HOW I FEEL. ANYWAY I DONT KNOW IF THIS HELPS, BUT I HOPE SO. IF ONLY TO KNOW SOMEONE ELSE CAN RELATE. TAKE CARE AND HAVE CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF AND YOUR REAL THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS!

Hello Ladies
I am not married and do not have children, but I have gone through periods where my obsessive scary thoughts are out of control..I keep asking myself "Why do I keep thinking these things", "Am I loosing it?", "Does this reflect how I really feel?", "What-If I do act on the thoughts?"..This to me is one of the worst parts of my anxiety..As Lucinda said, we probably would not have anxiety if we did not dwell on the scary obsessive thoughts...Since I do not have children, i have the scary thoughts about hurting myself..The strange thing is that I do like myself..There are things in my life that I do not like and would love to change but I don't feel that I am worthless, or a bad person...Its strange how we could be such loving, sensative people-but still have these monsterous thoughts...And for me too, when I see something about someone loosing control or hrting themselves I am like, "Oh, God what if I become like that?"..Scary
But, as LC says, life sends us curveballs, it can only make us stronger..God Bless

Thank you LC for your story i know what you mean about certain topics like what you saw on opera i cant even mention them with out getting some sort of anxity.

Sorry I hit the post button without finishing and spell check I know we will get through this we always do. Thanks again

Turtle
I have been there I to sometimes get scary thoughts about hurting myself which I know I would never do all I have to do is see something on TV or hear something and boom I start thinking that way. I guess what has helped me is what Lucinda says THOUGHTS ONLY THOUGHTS. Take care good luck to you

hi kissy my name is chris and i have also had bouts with scary thoughts about my children in a harmful and sexual nature.i thought i was going to die,but the key is to realize is people that have problems with obsessional scary thinking have a broken amyglaya.Everyone gets scary and weird thoughts from time to time you cant control that from happening,but what happens with people like us is the brain gets this thoght and then triggers the emotional alarm bells and thus huge anxiety and fear sets in which makes you believe in these thoughts somewhat.These thoughts are not you just a part of your brain that sends faulty messages and just accept it as that and i guarantee you will starve these thoughts away.Just accept and say this is my stupid brain trying to scare me,but i know what you are and eventually it will lose its power.I highly recommend a book by Dr jeffrey Schwartz Called Brain Lock or there is a world renown specialist in NYC by the name of Dr steve Phillipson who does phone consultations if you live far away.It is so very scary i know i have been there and from time to time slip back into it but you can lick this no problem you just have to be willing to endure some pain for some great rewards.Obsessions unfortunately are magnets for the innappropriate thought and it is because of our sensitve and high moral values that these thoughts literally knock us to our knees.Trust in God that you will be fine .It will just take some hard work i promice there is light and the end of the tunnel

WHAT A GREAT POST! THANKS FOR THE INFORMATION YOU PROVIDED AND THE ENCOURAGING WORDS. I THANK GOD FOR THIS WEBSITE! HAVE A GREAT DAY EVERYONE! LC

Thank you Chris your information helped me a lot. It does get scary at times but i am much better dealing with it then i us to be.

Thank you all for your words.

Dear Kissy812 (& whoever else),

My story is very similair to yours. I started with panic attacks and also had scary thoughts. Prior to finding Midwest and an excellent psychologist who is an affiliate of Midwest I also became depressed and was losing the ability to function. Upon finding the Midwest and the aforementioend psychologist I became educated as per anxiety and developed the skills to overcome. This program is based on the highly renowed Dr. Albert Ellis model of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. This model is based on the fact that a feeling follows a thought. Psychologists know this to be true. Thus, C.B.T. is based on the fact that the belief in any irrational thought is the source of our grief. I find this to be so true. So, lets start with the facts. The mere fact that these thoughts initially caused you to be anxious is sheer evidence that you will never act on them. Individuals who do are pathological/sociopath and find comfort in these thoughts. Also, they certainly would not be posting in this forum complaining as per how these thoughts cause them to be anxious. You were born a very sensitive person (not a bad thing) thus we are very sensitive to negative stimuli. You and a few others mentioned how upset you got after watching disturbing news casts. Very normal and very rational. Individuals who are pathological certainly would not get upset over viewing negative stimuli. Everyone has scary thoughts..we are just a litle more sensitive ..big deal..nothings wrong with our "amygula"..We're just sensitive...Now, how to we overcome this? We challenge these thoughts with the truth..in writing..daily..hourly...Right now you are allowing yourself to feel anxious. This takes lots of patience, hard work, and sustained effort. I've proved this once before and I am proving this to be true again. The brain is a mucsle..no diffrent in some ways to other organs. By giving these thoughts air time and power we simply developed a bad habit..No big deal..By countering these thoughts with facts..We are developing a new habit. These thoughts then become very insignificant and dissipate. Don't put a time table on this. Live in the moment and focus on the day. If you have a scary thought we don't need to follow up with a slew of bad questions. For example "Oh, no another scary thought".."Am I capable of this".. "Why do I have these".."I'll never get better".."What a terrible thought I have." Practice following any scary/irrational thought up with the truth. For example..."Big deal, everyone has some variation of scary thought".." Fact is I was created by God a sensitive, caring human being who is committed to overcoming anxiety".."Fact is I am a very rational person who is extremely loving towards my family"...ect.....
We are committed to overcoming anxiety..Through consistent hard work and sustained effort "it is not a matter of if, it is a matter of when....." God Bless you all on your path to complete recovery.

Kissy812,

Man, I felt like I was reading my own story which began in late 2001; the only difference was it was my wife who was the center of my obsesive scary thoughts. (The thoughts later "spread" to harming myself and a blasphemous one.) Like you getting OCD thoughts of harming your baby shortly after giving birth, I was married four months when I had a bad dream of hurting my wife. I also began having panic attacks; I don't remember if they started before or after the 1st OCD thought. And so began my trip down anxiety--particularily OCD,and post-OCD depression lane . I also couldn't wait to get my MWC program and was delighted to see Tape 10 on obsessive scary thoughts. I put on that cassette immediately--I couldn't wait to go in order of each lesson as they recommend--and for the first night in months was able to sleep without Ambien!

Take my word for it, the fact the thoughts bother you is good; it is a hallmark symptom of obsessive-compulsive disorder, OCD.

For everyone,

Another forum member had put together a wealth of info on obsessive scary thoughts. I offer it here to show that you will be ok!

God bless.
______________________

I am posting a wealth of info regarding obsessive scary thoughts, the obsessive part of OCD. Except for the additions of two books I read, this data was compiled by another forum member. I hope it helps you.

"Ok, so, usually what I do is write out a list of the most common things that people with "Pure" obsess ional OCD fear. I think it was sooooo helpful for me when I read them that I post them to just about everyone, because for me it was just such a relief to know that these thoughts were normal among millions of people. So here are the most common thoughts that us folks with "Pure" obsess ional OCD have.....

"Religious Obsessions"..
Excessive fear,worry,or preoccupation with:
Having blasphemous thoughts or saying bad things
Fear of being punished for blasphemous thoughts
Concern with religious beliefs
Issues of what�s right and wrong, morality
Dwelling on religious images or thoughts

"Aggressive Obsessions"...
Preoccupation and excessive illogical fear of:
Harming yourself
Harming others
Acting on unwanted impulses--Eg.running someone over, stabbing someone or harming others through your own carelessness
Responsibility for some terrible accident--Eg. causing a car accident, A fire, or allowing burglary
Doing something embarrassing or looking foolish
Violent or horrific images in your mind causing you to think you will do harm to others

"Sexual Obsessions"...
Unwanted, worrisome and intrusive thoughts of:
Sexual thoughts, impulses, or images
Thoughts about molesting your own or other children
Thoughts about being or becoming attracted to the same sex.
Thoughts or images of violent sexual behavior toward others.

"Miscellaneous Obsessions"...
Urge to know or remember certain things
Fear of saying something wrong
Worrying about making mistakes
Fear of using certain colors for superstitious reasons
Excessive superstitious fears with rigid adherence to them
Excessive concern with lucky and unlucky numbers"

...Whew, and those are just a few of them! The great news, No one has ever acted on a scary thought/image/impulse. These are just fears from a disorder because our brains tend to work in overtime. What was described in one book I read is that our brains just try to push out too much information at once. Here's a really cool analogy that I read. Think of our brains as having 2 doors, one that allows thoughts in, and one that allows thoughts out. For the average person, a thought comes in one door and just as quickly goes out the other door. For someone with OCD, the thoughts all try to come in one door at the same time and push out the other door at the same time. So all these thoughts get jumbled up in our minds. Making it A LOT harder to recognize that these are normal thoughts. Instead these thoughts float around in our mind forcing us to think "Why in the world did I think that? What�s wrong with me? Am I really gonna act on that?". Where someone without OCD would just sort of let the thought roll off their shoulders and move onto another thought.

Now for things to help overcome these fears... First another analogy that I read though...lol I love these things, they help OCD make soooo much more sense. Ok so this analogy goes...OCD is like trying to get into a swimming pool. At first you get in and the water seems really cold. But you don�t get out of the pool, because eventually you adjust to the water. Your body temp doesn�t change and the water around you doesn�t change, its how your MIND interprets the surroundings. So with OCD, getting rid of that scary thought is like trying to get adjust to the water. The next step is to allow your MIND and the way you think to adjust to the scary thoughts, so that they don�t freak you out anymore. Then, once you do that, the thoughts will become less frequent. Now in order to get over these fears, you have to stop fearing them. And just a note, if you stop fearing them, that DOESNT mean you will act on them (more posted on that below), it just means you will be able to understand and cope with your fears much easier. So if you get a thought, you wont think "Oh no! I don�t want to do that, I cant think this, I cant, I have to try to think of something else!" Instead you will eventually think "Ok, whatever, its a part of my OCD, thoughts aren�t reality and im not gonna let this bother me, la de da, move on to something else".

I think im gonna start another paragraph for things that help, since that analogy went on so long. Here are some of the things I have read. Now keep in mind, some of these may seem frightening to do at first because, well, your trying to face these fears and learn that they cant harm you. But don�t worry, the more you practice them, the easier it becomes.

1. Writing down the fear over and over and over again. Each time you get a scary thought write it in a notebook. Write until your hands become so totally sore that your sick of writing and you don�t even want to look at the thought anymore. This will help to expose the thought and help you to realize how silly it really is. It will also help you to "see" the thought and think "Hey, that�s not me! I would NEVER do something like that, its just part of my OCD".

2. Make a cassette tape of all your scary thoughts and listen to them for at least 30 - 45 minutes a day. This is the one that freaked me out at first, cause its like "What? I have to listen to myself SAY that?" But, once you get used to hearing it, its just like writing it down. It helps you to separate your normal thoughts from your OCD thoughts. And the more you listen to it, the more you will see how silly it sounds out loud and realize that it sounds just as silly in your mind.

3. Writing the scary thoughts out like a book. What you do with this is take your scary thought and write it out in total detail, as much as you can. Then when you get the scary thought, read that paper over and over again. The key to getting rid of ocd is really accepting these thoughts as just OCD and not being scared of them. So facing these fears by writing them out or listening to them, may seem weird and scary at first, but like I said, the more you can realize these thoughts are part of a disorder that CANT harm you, the less frequently you will have the thoughts.

4. Get your mind focused. This is for when the scary thoughts seem to be overpowering and you want to calm down some before you write them out or stop them before they become too scary. What you do is pick 1 basic object and then 1 basic color, so for example a green mitten. Then close your eyes and visualize this green mitten. Notice everything about it. The size, the shape, the color, every detail about it. This works with both parts of your brain so that you don�t have any "Extra room" for the scary thoughts to come in.

5. Calming down from a scary thought. All sorts of relaxation tapes out there can help to put your mind at ease and help relax your body. If you don�t have a relaxation tape or they make you feel uncomfortable, try using a classical music cd or a nature sound cd. Then with your eyes closed, count from 20 to 1 backwards. With each inhale say the number and with each exhale say Relaaaaax as slowly as you can. I really find this one helpful at night time when I start getting the "images" before falling asleep.

Ok, so those were the ways to work with OCD. The next thing is, "What if it keeps scaring me even after I do all these?" Well, first, it will definitely take a while to overcome the fears. But, these thoughts cant scare you if your NOT afraid of them. Try to look at them like a bully, or that kid that picked on everyone in school. If you fear that kid, then its going to come back everyday and try to scare you. If you DONT fear him, they have no reason to bother you, because you know how to stick up for yourself. The same goes with OCD, if that thought comes along, don�t let it scare you, if you cant get the thought out of your head, that�s OK! Just allow it to be there, but "Stand up" to it. Try thinking "Hey, you can be here for as long as you want, but I�m not gonna let ya get to me!" Then work with some of those skills or try doing something to occupy your time until the fear gets sick of being there and "Goes out the other door" (like in that analogy).

Ok, lets see, what other info do I have....here are some links that help out with OCD/Scary thoughts...

http://www.anxieties.com/5OCD/obsessive-compulsive_whatodo.htm (I looove this site, very helpful)
http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/ocd/sandra/index.html
http://www.ocdonline.com/index.htm
http://www.1-obsessive-compulsive-disorder.com/what-is-ocd.html
http://www.no-panic.co.uk/menu.htm

Also, you may want to try some of these sites to get your mind of scary thoughts, their just relaxation links...
http://www.unwind.com/relaxation
http://www.learningmeditation.com/room.htm (This site is really neat)
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Aegean/3831/Relax.htm#Relax

Here are some helpful books on OCD as well...

"The OCD Workbook" By: Bruce M. Hyman (I LOVE this book!)

"Stop Obsessing" By: Reid Wilson & Edna B. Foa

�Brain Lock� by Jeffrey Schwartz

�Imp of the Mind: Exploring the Silent Epidemic of Obsessive Bad Thoughts� by Lee Baer.

"Obsessive compulsive Disorders" By: Steven Levenkron

"Don't Panic" By: Reid Wilson....

....Now about the fear of getting comfortable with the thoughts. It's sort of like "Ok, if I get used to this thought and it doesn�t scare me, what makes me any different from a murderer, crazy or suicidal person who doesn�t fear these thoughts?"

It's kind of like a weird paradox type thing. how can I explain this...OK, so you get the scary thoughts of wanting to die/harming someone/harming yourself/suicide and so on, but then lets say, you do learn to overcome the fear and it doesn�t scare you anymore. What happens is, each time that thought comes into your mind, you will be able to realize that its a part of your OCD. What I did when I got anxious about not fearing the thoughts again is think "Ok, I DID fear these thoughts once, people who truly want to act on something like this, wouldn�t fear them, and would get comfort out of these thoughts" Now, you don�t get comforted thinking about the thoughts once you've overcome them, you just sort of realize and accept that lots of folks have these thoughts. I guess what I mean is you can separate the differences. For example: you will learn to understand that people without OCD have these thoughts and just let them roll of their backs, cause they know its just a thought. People with OCD tend to get freaked out about them until they can learn to understand them and people that ACTUALLY want to act on these thoughts feel comforted and at ease with the thoughts. Did that make sense? In other words, your normal, you wont get comfortable with the thought, you will just realize/accept that its ONLY a thought. I think understanding that its just an OCD thought and being comforted by the thought are two totally different things. Understanding that you wont harm yourself and that the thought means nothing, is just, well, what a "NON-OCD" person goes through and what we're working on getting to. Being comforted by the thought means you enjoy it, you like it, you want to do it, you know you will and your planning on acting on it. Which is faaaaar different than just being able to understand and cope with the thought.

Accepting: What we are trying to do, so that those scary thoughts won't be scary anymore. They will just be another thought quickly passing through our minds, Accept and move on. Know that they are only a thought and that they just can't harm us(or anybody else).

Comforting: What a REAL "crazy" person would feel. Therefore the thoughts would never have been scary to them in the first place and they would be trying to figure out a way to truly make these thoughts come true.

As far as writing it down and being scared at first, that�s totally normal. Just keep reminding yourself that your working to get better. Your simply learning to overcome the thought, be less afraid of it.

Now, will ya have scary thoughts once ya learn how to deal with OCD?, sure will, only they wont scare you anymore. They will be just another thought that will pass through your mind as quickly as any other thought.

Thank you SO much Michael for your input it will help me out a lot when I am having a bad day which I will try to put the advice you wrote about and use it and have a lot of good days. Your post means a lot to me.

Thanks again

2Cor
Thank you for those great websites they do help a lot. Good luck to you also.

Another good book: IMP OF THE MIND, by Lee Baer,MD

Hey Kissy812,

Glad to help. Remeber, you do not have O.C.D.. This is just a label therapists like to use. You did not mention any compulsions thus you do not have O.C.D.. O.C.D. is Obsessions + Compulsions + Disorder (obsessions and compulsions affecting the way you function). Not simply scary thoughts. Their is no "it" their is no "O.C.D.". Simply scary thoughts which you are allowing to cause you anxiety. No big deal...Curable and eliminatable..Myself, Basset and countless others are sheer proof of this. These are facts and don't let anyone indicate that this condition is not curable. Remember everyone has a variation of a scary thought. Some people think of driving and they go into a full panic. Some people have extreme fear of Dogs, ect...I've heard it all. Bottom line is we just established a bad habit. Now we are being educated and establishing good habits. Patience, hard work and sustained effort. Practice, practice, practice...The world is yours...God Bless....