Hi, It's Veronica again, I know I have talked about my scary thoughts about hurting my baby and others, but I have to share this one: I sometimes feel tired, I guess tired of my mind working and working, sometimes I feel like if I haven't slept for days, and I start thinking what if that thought means I just want to go to sleep forever and not wake up and I start freaking out because of thinking this, it's as though I'm tired of living with anxiety. Or another is that I have alot of trouble staying in the moment. I feel like I want time to fly by already so that I can be old and die, and then again I contradict myself by being afraid to die. I sometimes think: God I have to wait and go through who knows how many years in order to die, and then again, who knows if I will even live long and I know I love to live, I love to be with my baby, smelling him, kissing him and I love to be with my husband and all of my family. I sometimes think What is the point of life, like if I'm stuck in it not being able to get out of it, and again I reinstate that I love life, but these thoughts depress me and scare the wits out of me. I also go through the big fear of going crazy, for example yesterday I heard on the news about that lady in Texas who killed her kids and I think what if I go crazy and do that. So many thoughts, my god I feel so tired of them. Can anyone out there relate to what I am saying at all? I know It may sound confusing but I sure hope some one can relate and give me some advice. I guess I just want all of these thought to go away. Thank you for reading this. Sincerly, Veronica vgmlovgm@aol.com

Veronica,

Hi....I am a mother of a 6 year old, 4 year old, and 2 year old. Veronica I have had ALL these thoughts and then some!!! Your mind is just tired. I promise you....you are a good and decent person, who is just going through anxiety. THat's all. Do not give these thoughts any merit...they are just goofy thoughts brought on by exhaustion. I feel very depressed some days, but one thing that I try to keep in mind is this is not "depression" (because that's depressing), but DEPLETION. THis seems to help me, b/c then I feel I can be "repleted". Do you know what I mean??? You are of very sound mind and you just have to keep drilling it into your head that this is "only anxiety", not some terminal illness we could never get rid of!! Under the circumstances, you are having very normal reactions to a tired mind, and an exhausted body....stop reacting to the disturbing thoughts and let your mind rest. It will rejuvenate, and thought will begin to just flit about like it did when we felt "normal". When you are tired, your mind slows down, thoughts stick, and when you get scared , they stick even harder. So don't add fuel to the fire by obsessing about "what's wrong with me...what kind of monster am I"....It's only thoughts, brought on by a tired mind,,,,very normal under the circumstance!! I have been there, I know. I am MUCH better and so will you be....I promise, e-mail me if you need a friend!!
Take Care,
Chantal

dear veronica,
i want to let you know there is hope to get rid of your scary thoughts i have been where you are now and i know what you mean when you say you just want to get old so you can die because it is so hard to deal with this problem it feels like you are never going to be normal agian but i am here to tell you it will be normal agian you are going to be ok everything is going to be ok.
reading your note was like reliving what i went threw and my heart goes out to you.
please get the book panic to power read it
and do what lucinda tells you to do get your notebook and write down all you scary thoughtsi know it is hard to do this at first but the more you do it and the more you read as many times of the day you can you will see such a differance i also wrote
about things that would come up in my mind when i was sad during the day like problems i am dealing with in my life right now and that seems to help.i have been doing this for a couple of weeks now and i can say i am almost fully recoverd the only thing that i am dealing with now is that i am feeling guilty for my scary thiougts but i am working on that and i am good to go .
and the #1 thing to do every day is pray i truly belive that's #1 answer
god bless you everything will be fine.
and i also take gaba 500mgs with mood support that a god sent vitamin try it one in the morning and one at night both on empty stomach.

Dear Veronica,

Please read my response to Jasons' post "obsesive thoughts"-when they just won't quit" I think it will help you. Also pick up a book called "Hope And Help For Your Nerves" by doctor Claire Weekes. I think both of these things will help you tremendously. Let me know how it goes.

Best Wishes, Mellie



[This message has been edited by mellie (edited 06-28-2001).]

quote:

Originally posted by vgmlovgm:
Hi, It's Veronica again, I know I have talked about my scary thoughts about hurting my baby and others, but I have to share this one: I sometimes feel tired, I guess tired of my mind working and working, sometimes I feel like if I haven't slept for days, and I start thinking what if that thought means I just want to go to sleep forever and not wake up and I start freaking out because of thinking this, it's as though I'm tired of living with anxiety. Or another is that I have alot of trouble staying in the moment. I feel like I want time to fly by already so that I can be old and die, and then again I contradict myself by being afraid to die. I sometimes think: God I have to wait and go through who knows how many years in order to die, and then again, who knows if I will even live long and I know I love to live, I love to be with my baby, smelling him, kissing him and I love to be with my husband and all of my family. I sometimes think What is the point of life, like if I'm stuck in it not being able to get out of it, and again I reinstate that I love life, but these thoughts depress me and scare the wits out of me. I also go through the big fear of going crazy, for example yesterday I heard on the news about that lady in Texas who killed her kids and I think what if I go crazy and do that. So many thoughts, my god I feel so tired of them. Can anyone out there relate to what I am saying at all? I know It may sound confusing but I sure hope some one can relate and give me some advice. I guess I just want all of these thought to go away. Thank you for reading this. Sincerly, Veronica vgmlovgm@aol.com

Veronica,
OH my Gosh, I go thru the same things, I love my children, Justin 13, Kevin 9 & Kyle 6 but when I heard about that women I freaked too, so bad I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety. I know I could never hurt my children either, I sometimes am afraid that I would, the other day I was at my moms and I wanted to hurt her so bad, but I talked to her about it and she told me that everyone has these thougths sometimes and that I would never do it because I know what would happen if I did. I think its just feeling like we are out of control.
Hope this helps that you are not alone
Tawny