Hi Everyone,

I consider myself to be some what of an expert on obsessive scary thoughts. I am someone who had them really bad years ago and was told I could never get over them with out being on medication for the rest of my life. Guess what, I did get over them and I DID NOT use medication to do so. If you are on medication and it helps, by all means keep taking it. However, I don't think medication is a cure. I do believe however that educating your self about them (the thoughts), where they come from, and how to deal with them is.

The reason I posted a seperate thread rather than replying to someone elses is so everyone who needs to would read this. Also, I have posted this several times on individual threads and found myself posting it over and over again. Anyway, I hope this advice helps you.

My thoughts were about hurting my children. I was so terrified of this that I would avoid being alone with them in absolutely anyway I could. Then I started to worry about hurting other people. My friends, my family it even got to the point where I would worry about hurting someone I passed on the street. I of course never did and never would but as we all know, anxiety can trick us in to thinking all kinds of things that aren't true and that aren't going to happen, it's such a liar.

One of the things that kept me in this obsessive thought pattern was worrying about where these thoughts came from. I would ask myself questions like "Am I turning into a phsyco path?", "What is wrong with me?", "Is this the precurser to going complelety insane?" Also, the tremendous amount of guilt that I had because of these thoughts was like throwing gasoline on a grease fire. Needless to say, once I found out just where these thoughts came from, it felt like the weight of the world was lifted off of my shoulders. I finally knew that I wasn't crazy, and I wasn't going to act on these thoughts.

Here is a story that explains just where these thoughts come from. This story is taken from a book called "Hope and Help for Your Nerves" by Doctor Claire Weekes. I would HIGHLY recomend this book to each and every one of you, it was a God send for me. The story isn't told verbatum, but I think you will get the point. *There was this nurse who worked in a hospital in the maternity ward taking care of the babies. She was over worked, sensitive, had some self esteem issues and she also had a lot of stress in her life. One day when she was holding one of the babies while passing by a window, she got this fleeting thought, as anyone could have. She thought "Wouldn't it be terrible if I threw this child out of the window!?" She was in such a tense state that this thought scared the wits out of her and every time she passed by a window she would tense up and hold the babies to her as tightly as she could. Because of her guilt, fear and tension toward this thought she became more and more afraid of it untill it got so stuck in her head that it became an intrusive, obsessive, scary thought. Everytime she passed the window this thought became worse and worse, untill finally she didn't even have to pass the window to have it. She thought that she was going crazy and that surely, one day she would throw one of these children out the window.*

Did she ever throw one of these babies out of the window? NO, OF COURSE NOT. Her wish was not to hurt these children, it was mearly to get rid of the thought. When it was explained to her how these thoughts started and the reason they got stuck in her mind, they gradually diminished and soon disapeared all together.

The point I'm trying to make with this is that what happened to this nurse could happen to anybody under the right (or should I say wrong) circimsances. These thoughts are something that everyone gets from time to time. The only difference with us is that because we are so sensitive, we don't deal with stress well, we probably have low self esteem, and are negative thinkers that these thoughts scare the begeebies out of us and stick. Fear breeds interest and it's hard not to think of something that scares us so much. No wonder these thoughts are so intrusive. In order to rid ourselves of them, we have to take the fear out of them. I realize this is easier said than done, but IT CAN BE DONE. And it's not as hard as you think, but it does take practice.

When we get one of these thoughts, we get first fear, the thought itself. We also get second fear, our reaction to the thought. Right now we don't have a lot of control over the first fear. We do however have all the control in the world over the second fear. And once you lose the second fear, the first fear (the thoughts) go away. It's all in how we react to them. As Lucinda says, "Take the right path in the road". When you get one of these thoughts instead of saying to yourself, "I must be going crazy!", or "What if I act on this!", or "What is wrong with me, why am I getting these thoughts!?", say "This is just anxiety trying to lie to me again, these thoughts are only seem so terrible because I became so afraid of them, they are only thoughts, I know they will pass because anxiety attacks always pass and this is nothing more than an anxiety attack." Give yourself permission to have these thoughts. Don't be afraid to use any part of your mind. God gave you that brain and you don't have to be afraid to use any and all of it. It won't hurt you or any one else. Remember THEY ARE THOUGHTS, ONLY THOUGHTS, and a thought never hurt any one including the person who thought it.

If you also have compulsive behavior, continue to do what ever behavior you do. BUT DO SO WITH OUT ADDING GUILT AND FEAR. For example, if you wash you hands many times a day, give yourself permision to do so for the time being. Don't add the "What ifs" and the "Oh my goodnesses" or the "Oh no, here I go again's." If you do this with out adding the second fear to the behavior and thoughts that accopany them, the compulsive behavior will also eventually start to fade.

Also keep in mind that we only obsess about what we are most afraid of. Some people have a nasty fear of germs, while others have a fear of knives and so on.

For those of you who are worried because of recents events you saw on the News, I know how the News can leave things out to suit there own purpose. Several years ago I was on the News because a water main broke right out in front of my house flooding the street. They interviewed me and when the story aired they made it sound like my son was going to die of thurst and malnutrition because, and I quote "She has no water to make her babies formula", they showed a picture of my son with a fresh bottle right in front of him as they said this. I had plenty of bottles in the refridgerator that I made the night before, and I told them this. I was also on my way out the door with my son to go to my mothers house, which they showed a picture of, but they of course neglegted to tell people that I was leaving as well. My point is that the News will leave out important details to boost there ratings because this is there bread and butter. I realize that my story wasn't as big as the one about this woman who killed her children, but if they aren't above "padding" parts of a little story to increase ratings, why would they be above doing the same thing to a bigger one? I have a hunch that this woman had more than mear depression. The media tends to bunch any type of mental disorder in one big lump. They don't realize that there is a big difference between a mental illness and an emotional disorded such as anxiety and depression. Please keep this in mind if you ever watch the News.

You will not act on these thoughts, so let yourself think them with out fear. Don't ever be afraid to have a thought, after all thats all they are.

Good Luck, Mellie

[This message has been edited by mellie (edited 01-30-2002).]

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I haven't seen the post before but I'm glad I had the chance to see it now. I'm sure this will help many people here. doodles

BRAVO Mellie!!!!

Chantal

Mellie,
What an inspirational post. It's great to hear of someone who has worked through especially the scary obssesive thoughts. I was wondering did the thoughts of harming your children go away and what methods you used to reach an acceptance and letting go? Any advise would help as this is where the fear comes in for me. Can you let go and move on?

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Well said Mellie. Claire Weekes really understood this AWFUL part of anxiety.

I have her tapes, Pass Through The Panic. On them she saids,

"The fear that the nervously ill mother will harm her child is so common, that one comes to expect it as part of the illness with any mother, and yet this poor woman usually thinks that she must be some sort of monster to feel like this. The truth is, that thoughts like these are normal in the circumstances. It is part of the pattern of nervous illness. Obsession is no more than brain fatigue and fear in a sensitized body."

These tapes are 30 years old. Even then, people with anxiety were having these thoughts. Claire weekes talks about mothers, but I'm sure if she were alive today, she would include fathers too.

Mellie,
What a straightforward post. I think that it is so wonderful that you would take your time to post your story of recovery for all of us who are still dealing with these scary thoughts. I relly appreciate all of the advise. Everything you said about the scary thoughts...
"I must be going crazy!", or "What if I act on this!", or "What is wrong with me, why am I getting these thoughts!?","Am I turning into a phsyco path?","Is this the precurser to going complelety insane?"
man that is me, I always think that I am worse than others because I question myself as to whether or not I would ever do this. Its almost like because I question it that means there is a possibility...even though my logical mind tells me that there is no way, I know that. I know who I am, but as I am sure you know when you are in a moment of obsessive thinking you arent even believing what you know is true, because you are locked in fearful thinking.
I would love to hear more about how you got over this or how long it took, I kno9w that everyone is different but it is so stressful. I really do have a fear that I will think this way for the rest of my life.


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SnowBear

Doodles, Thank You, I'm glad I could help After all, that's what we are all here for.

Chantel, THANKS, I hope this post has helped you.

Leo, Please read the entire post, I think it will answer some of your questions. Yes, the thoughts did go away. It seemed once I knew where they came from it really helped me to let them go. Yes you can definatly let go and move on. Please pick up a copy of "Hope and Help for Your Nerves", by Doctor Clare Weekes. This book is wonderful for helping with many aspects of anxiety including obsessive scary thoughts. It is what helped me more than anything and I think it will help you too. Good Luck

Cj, I agree. I think it was a lot less common for a man to come out years ago and tell somone they had this problem. Also, I noticed that she has a tendancy to use specific people as examples. Often times it's women, but sometimes she uses men as examples too. Anyway, thanks. Keep in mind that anxiety disorder knows no gender and what works for the "goose" will also work for the "gander."

Snowbear, unfortunatly I can't give you a time limit on this. To tell you the truth, I don't remember how long it took and everyone is different. All I know is once I read the book I recomended on this post, it answered so many questions for me and it put an end to me adding more negativity to these all ready nasty thoughts. Once this happened it was only a matter of time before the thoughts went away. It's just like any other aspect of anxiety, once you are no longer afraid of a specific thought or symptom, that thought or symptom goes away. Pick up that book I recomended. I recomended this book to someone else on the forum, who was completely racked with these scary thoughts and boy did it help her. If you read it, I know you won't be disapointed.

Best Wishes To All, Mellie


[This message has been edited by mellie (edited 01-30-2002).]

Mellie
Having read the book "Hope and Help" a million times I remember the stories very well. The one about the nurse and the babies is one I remember and related to. It made so much sense to me when Dr. Weekes explained how the thought developes from a seemingly benign situation.
Thanks for posting. It is well worth our readers' time to read through this.
Tammy

I appreciate you taking the time to post that story and how you recovered.

I was doing so well not being afraid of the thought it went away, for a time.
Then when I saw that news story and heard the psychologist say "she killed her kids b/c for her it was the ultimate form of protection, not having to worry any more about her kids well-being" I could relate with the not wanting to worry and it SCARED me all over again! But, knowing what I know and my training I calmed myself down and went through a week of rough sleeping and not eating right b/c my stomach was upset.

I am also in a job I HATE! We have a new director this year. I teach in a private school, going on my 4 (and a half) year there and I didn't like the change, and nor does anybody else. Our new director is very self serving, kaniving, uncaring, fake, 2-faced, doesn't give a crap about us and delegates and throws around her authority that almost all the elementary teachers are leaving in June. IT IS SOOOOOOO HARD not to have a negative thought when you are in a place you HATE to be. I catch myself all the time like today, I noticed she had a drink from 7-11 or something and here I hadn't even had a break to go POTTY! ARGH

OK, I'm done now, sorry!
Thank you SOOOOOOO much for your help/support and posting your story/advice.

GOD BLESS!

Tammy, Claire Weekes is wonderful! She helped me tremendously and sometimes I think I owe her my life. As far as my post, I know all to well what people with obessive, scary thoughts are going through. Because of this I feel if I can help in anyway I am happy to do so. Thanks for the note of appreciation, it means a lot coming from you.

Mellie

Mellie,

Wonderful post! I'm going to buy the book. All your questions about the thoughts I have felt also. Plus I feel shame and guilt. I also feel very sensitive to violent stories or movies. I'm a carbon copy of Lucinda on Tape 10. I face the fears. Some days are good or at least manageable. Sometimes, like today, they have the upper hand. I guess it bothers me more because I have an oversensitive past. I would feel bad if someone thought I verbally hurt them, let alone physically. I'm also dealing with a low self-image, though thanks to Lucinda's program, it's getting better. Thanks again!

Dear 2Cor.5:17,

Glad I could help. You will love the book. It is I'm sure where Lucinda got a lot of her ideas.

Take Care, Mellie

Just want to keep this thread going. I hope you all benifit from reading it.

Millie, you are dynamite. I was so impressed and realize that God is with you because you took the time to share. I just finished the 10th lessson and had a bit of relapse with obsession thoughts. I realize this evening especially after reading you wonderful thought process that the reason that I was feeling sad today was not the feeling but because I seemed to be so caught up on the failure process and have lost my self esteem and allow myself to fell worthless. Exercising helps, but just maybe on Monday`s interview for an accounting manager`s position will go well and I can start getting busy with my mind in a productive manner. If I don`t get the job, I won`t be worried because I know the great positive things about me and that being along right now is no excuse to stop me from action with assertiveness. God Bless, P

Dear Pavolino,

Thank you I only hope that it was helpful. Pick up that book that I recomended, it really helped me with this and I know it will help you too. Good luck with your job interview, I hope you get it.

Take Care, Mellie