To stop all the arguments.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: DerikForChrist,

I think you need to sit down with your doctor asap and tell him what you've told us.

I certainly don't have any anger issues, never have. I don't feel that I'll snap and do it, I fear that I'll get schitzophrenic and do it.

Hey Derik =) I do not feel you need to see a doctor as I had the same scary obsessive thoughts about Andrea Yates. They are just thoughts, nothing more. The next time you feel as if you need to get up and go, stay and sit next to your kids! Do not move. this is part of therapy for OCD. I have been there and done all what you have. There is absolutly NOTHING wrong with you. It is called pure O. it is scary, sure, but say to yourself, there is nothing wrong with me, it is just my thoughts.

People like this guy in this show do not fear their thoughts, and he was also Scizo too, you are not, lol. Don't let anyone make you think you need to go to a doctor asap. You do not need too. Going to a counsler would be fine I am sure. You and your kids are in no danger! Write to me if you need to. Hang in there!

I agree too Derek.......you need to see a counselor for some CBT training for your scary thoughts but you do not need a bed at the local mental ward and you are not schizo.
I have all of the same thoughts and then some. My mind is very creative and i can conjure the best and worst with everything; it is the worst we get stuck on and always ALWAYS forget about the best case scenario. Are you on session 10 yet? It is very helpful along with session 3.
It is amazing the realize after practice that you can reverse this case and become desensitized. If you work hard with the program and a CBT counselor, the results will definitely come for sure.

Matt

I used to think that if my husband and I were in the kitchen together and I was chopping food, or if I was putting utensils away that I would accidently trip and stab my husband . THIS terrified me . If I had a knife and he was in the kitchen I FREAKED! This was a fear of mine, and my thoughts about it fueled that fear to a higher level.

I KNOW I would NEVER hurt my husband. He is my everything! Since I love him SO very much my greatest fear (or at least this was one of my "greatest" fears) I over thought that thought and just played it over and over again in my mind, which elevated that fear to another level, and it just kept getting worse. I had to reassure myself that I would NOT hurt him, or trip with a knife. I had to talk myself positive when he and I were in the kitchen at the same time and I was chopping food or putting knives away. I knew I needed to expose myself to what I feared in order to SEE that I would NOT hurt him.

From what I have read most schizophrenics are NOT violent. My cousin has schizo-affective disorder with depression. She does some REALLY bizzaro stuff, including not being able to carry on a conversation. She does not have logical, orderly thoughts. You seem to be able to follow along here, so I think you may be safe from that. I too was afraid I would go schizo, geez it is in the family gene pool afterall! But I am not. My cousin cannot judge a bad thing (like wearing welding goggles to keep spiders from laying eggs in her eyes). I do not think you are "there" Derik. It sounds that what you love and fear most is playing in your mind in a negative manner. I agree, some CBT with a therapist may help. It helped me.

Hi sass, lol, we will probably leave it. I see you are very new here. I pray you will learn!

Wow, I have been diagnosed several times. Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Panic Disorder. Let's haul up everyone who has obsessive thoughts and take them to the crazy house. Get on board.

Not a problem Emma. I just think if I had schizophrenia, they would have caught in the past 6 - 8 years. I wasn't saying I have it, but more the fear of, what if I get it.

And to further clarify, I do not hear voices, I do not do what anyone would consider to be strange things. What I get are strictly thoughts.

Gee! I NEVER thought of it that way! I was dx'd with depression, anxiety and adjustment disorder by a PhD and therapist! Derik, YOU were dx'd by someone too! Maybe we really ARE schizo ....we just do not know it ! I should have had my husband drive me down to the local mental institution! I did not though. That was back in 2002 and then again in 2005. I guess my therapist and PhD dx'd me correctly! Maybe Derik, your therapist did the same!

TRUST your therapist and not the peanut gallery! We can share experiences but cannot diagnose

First of all, I wasn't trying to scare you. I was recently on zoloft, but due to physical side effects, I stopped; however, one of the things my doctor told me when she gave me the Rx was that if my thoughts took a weird turn, I was to call her IMMEDIATELY. Hence, my telling you to get in touch with your doctor asap.

Secondly, your doctor is the professional---not the people here on the board. If you're having issues that scare you, and you're on medication on top of it, call your doctor and talk to him about what's bothering you. That's what he is there for, and your doctor knows you better, and can better help you, than anyone here. We can give moral support, but we can't diagnose you.

There may be nothing at ALL wrong with you, but that sure as hell isn't my call to make (or anyone else's here). I'm not your doctor.

Call your doctor. Talk to him. He can tell you whether you need to worry or not. If there is nothing to worry about, fine. But if there is, he will be the BEST person to get you what you need, whatever that may be.

I was not asking for a diagnosis as I've already been diagnosed. I was asking for moral support. Which I don't think the phrase, "See your doctor asap." is.

Assuming you have anxiety or panic. Put yourself in my shoes a moment. If you said, "I think I'm dying, or having a heart attack. I'm really freaking out right now." My reply was something to the effect of, "Get to the hospital ASAP." How would that make you feel? Maybe you weren't trying to scare me, but as sensitive as people with panic/anxiety are, you get the picture.

This is not the only obsession I have. I have a health obsession that something is wrong with me that the doctors haven't found yet. Even though I had full blood work and a physical a few weeks ago. I obsess about what I drink and if someone poisoned it or put something in it. That's just a fraction. Maybe more symptoms of schizophrenia. Who knows?

HI DERIK! I JUST WANT TO TELL U UR NOT ALONE WITH THESE THOUGHTS. I HAVE THEM ABOUT MY KIDS, I HAVE THEM WHEN I DRIVE (THINKING I'M GOING TO DRIVE OFF THE RD). MY BIGGEST PROBLEM IS THE HARMING MY KIDS THOUGHT. IT'S TERRIFIES ME AND HEARING STORIES LIKE THAT GUY TOTALLY SCARES ME TOO! THAT'S WHY I RARELY WATCH THE NEWS AND NEVER WATCH SCAREY MOVIES. I HAVE DONE THE THING WHERE I STAY PUT IN THE ROOM WITH THEM WHEN THE THOUHGTS ARE SO OVERWHELMING BECAUSE I KNOW I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING AND I REFUSE TO RUN FROM MY THOUGHTS ANYMORE. AOTHER THING, I HAVE A BOOK CALLED THE IMP OF THE MIND AND IT TOTALLY EXPLAINS WHE WE HAVE OBSESSIVE THOUGHTS AND WAYS TO OVERCOME IT. FEEL FREE TO WRITE BACK ANYTIME!! MY EMAIL IS FOXXY279@YAHOO.COM

Derik, as someone who has been with this website for almost two years, I KNEW that this 20/20 program would start a wave of conversation! I tuned into it too on Friday night and to be quite honest, it scared the bejeebies out of me!!! I, too, have had scary obsessive thoughts But that's just it, there THOUGHTS! My hubby watched it with me and I told him, "I'll be reading about this on Lucindas website tomorrow"...The show didn't bother me as much as the thought of "WHAT IF my husband thinks I'll turn out like that"...Gosh, I had to turn the channel Although, I do consider myself on the high road to recovery, things like that program still can get to me I believe that you are just "what ifing"..My mother was diagnosed with Paranoid/schizophrenia in the early 80s and I do believe that started this whole mess with anxiety and depression..yes I am pre exposed to mental illness, but in no way does that mean I will become schizophrenic...let me tune you in to a little something...My mothers Dr.s have told me and my father that a person that is "schizo" has had quite a few challanges their whole life(even as small children) VERY rare is it that someone can just "get it"..There are personality traits that can be traced to small childhood. and NO, anxiety or nervousness, wasn't one of them.. I personally am very relieved to hear that, so that has pretty much aleviated any fear of getting "that". The biggest fear with us "anxious" people is that we will "go crazy", "flip out" and "lose touch with all reality"..that is contrare to what people that are REALLY "Crazy" think like. THEY DO NOT KNOW THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THEM AND THEY THINK IT'S EVERYONE ELSE THAT'S "CRAZY". So as long as your "worried" about it, it's pretty safe to say that YOU WON'T! Take care, my friend and continue with the program. Sometimes advice and suggestions may sound a bit harsh here, but believe me, it's all out of good intentions..and don't forget, WE'RE ALL A BUNCH of ANXIOUS "WHAT IFers" TOO TAke care and relax..YOU WILL BE FINE!!!
Blessing,
Robin