I keep worrying that if I don't get out of my relationship, leave my man, then I will just get worse. Like he is ruining me. Like the life I built and the home I made isn't where I belong, it isn't for me anymore. I don't know why I think that way now after five years of being together. Sometimes when I look at him or his family I feel like I don't know them, like they are the reason for my distress, and the more I think that, the more I want to run. But where do I run to, there is no one else, and I think I would seem a little crazy if I did. Plus feeling this way just doesn't make any sense.

I kind of feel like I am angry at my fiance at times, like I want to take everything out on him.

Like he is the reason for how I feel. It sounds so crazy that I am saying that, but what do I do??

If you where to see us together, you wouldn't be able to tell this was a problem. We are very close and do just about everything together. We laugh alot and I would say we are best friends. My home and life is a thing most people would dream of. So what's wrong with me, why this??

When I have these thoughts I get freaked out because I am having them, but at the same time I am freaked sometimes all day beacuse I am having them and I don't know what to do about it, stay or go.

Is this a real threat or just more scary obsessive thoughts.

My fiance would really be surprised if he knew this was how I was feeling, (which makes it worse), I don't want to hurt him or let him down. I feel like a crazy phoeny.

What are you in distress about? I would imagine that since you are here you know that your feelings in this manner are your anxiety. You have to talk your way through them.

Have you figured out what specifically causes these thoughts? Is it something general or specific? Do you have low self esteem? I found that I had some of the same feelings when I would fall victim to my negative self talk.

Does your fiance not know that you are in this program? I'm sure he is a great guy and would want to help. Heck, I want to help!

I find when I'm having a day from hell, I listen to my favorite lesson. It always makes me feel better. Do you listen to the relaxation tape? Have you tried that when you are having a particularly bad moment or day?

I'll help with anything I can, and you are NOT going crazy and you are NOT a phoeny. You are a human being. We are quit complex!!

Do something that makes you feel better and give yourself a hug, those always help.

Ramona

How do you feel about personal responsibility for this condition?

Sometimes we are angry that our partner can't feel what we feel. Sometimes we are just plain jealous that our partner has a life without this condition.

Any of that ring a bell? Carolyn