Hi there all,
It's been a while since I've posted. This past month or so I've been feeling more and more confident. No panic attacks and the volume on the obsessive thoughts has been down.

Since I've been feeling a bit better, I've decided to go back to work (teaching) on an adjunct basis - I'm only teaching one class this semester because I want to take things slow. Monday is my first class and I've been preparing myself for this momentous occasion. I'm nervous, but excited to be back in the classroom!

Now here I am, almost 3:00 in the morning, recovering from a nasty panic attack. All I can do is throw up my arms and say, "here we go again!" I just can't believe it, I feel defeated, petrified, confused. After making some real progress lately, I feel as though it's all been in vain.

Please tell me this is only a minor setback. I'm trying to soothe myself with positive self-talk, but everything I say to myself is drowned out by the negative thoughts racing through my mind. I'm so scared right now, my whole body is on edge....like I could literally jump out of my skin. My ears are ringing non-stop. By the way, does anyone else experience ringing in the ears before, during or after a panic attack?

Now the obsessive thinking is rearing its ugly head: what if I'm going crazy? What if I'm like this for the rest of my life? What if I have a panic attack during class and I have to leave (which has happened)? What if I lose control and hurt someone? What if I'm a sociopath, psychotic, bi-polar, and any other mental illness that I can't think of???

I'm so tired, physically and mentally drained. Now tomorrow, I'll feel the traditional spaciness and fear about when the next "big one" may hit.

Well, I'm going to try to get some sleep. I'm sorry to be so down, I'm just so discouraged right now.

Hugs,
Lisa

Keep up the good work with your positive self talk. Self talk often works for me. I also find trying to view the anxiety as excitement helps. "I'm just excited about going back to work." And reassure yourself how far you have come- this is just a growth spurt. I try to count my breathing and try to distract myself. The phrase "Thoughts only thoughts" also helps me. Humor also helps. Reviewing some of the program CDs may also help.

Congrats to you for your new endeavor.

Hi Lisa,

In my opinion, it *is* just a setback, perhaps because you're both excited and nervous about returning to the classroom. Of course you're a bit nervous! And it's ok to feel that way. Perhaps the panic was set off by anticipatory anxiety or some "what if?" thinking.

All the progress that has been done is NOT in vain, you just had a little setback. It just means that there is still work to be done, but give yourself LOTS of credit for how far you've come. It is AWESOME that you are ready to take the first step back to work. Congratulations!!!

Now remember it is symptoms and you know what to do. If another one does happen for some reason, you know what to do. You are not crazy or any of those things. You are challenging yourself to take more steps by beginning to return to work so you are feeling some fear. That's ok. The important thing is that you have made lots of progress and you are doing it!

Be a bit analytical. What are your specific fears that might be setting this off? Is there anything you can do action-wise about them? And don't forget to do your relaxation CD.

My ears sometimes ring, too! For me, I think it is from extreme muscle tension as I tend to get very tight in my neck and shoulders when I am anxious.

If you have to leave the classroom, just do it for a moment. I remember my teachers doing that sometimes. If you mess up your talking, just laugh it off and make a joke. If it's little kids you're teaching, they probably won't notice or if they do make it into a lesson "everyone makes a mistake once in awhile, let me start again" or something similar.

Hope some of my babbling is helpful to you

Jeri

Hi Lisa -

Don't get discouraged. Try to just move through it. I know how hard it is. I just started a new job and am having a lot of obsessive thoughts. If I stick with moving through it eventually I start to calm down. I know how overwhelming it can be.

Take Care,

Thanks so much, everyone. I know that a large part of my nervousness and excitement is because my first class is on Monday. The last time I was in a classroom (back in October), I was having panic attacks all day, every day. I never knew when one would hit, and I had several panic attacks in the classroom. Before too long, I couldn't work because just the thought of entering a classroom sent me into a tailspin.

I've been working myself up to Monday - stopping by campus, saying hello to everyone. I even went to graduation. This past Thursday, I sat in on one of my colleague's classes, so I could become comfortable again. Then 2:30 on Friday morning, BAM - panic attack.

I'm going to get through Monday the best that I can. There was another great post on here about ways to distract yourself when you begin to feel a panic attack coming on. I've got my tools and good people in here, too!

Thanks again!

Hugs,
Lisa

I can understand how you are feeling. I too am a Kindergarten teacher. I had to deal with my medication that stopped working for me towards the end of the year. I got through it though and just had my Kindergarten graduation! You can do anything you put your mind to! Don't let oe bad day throw you off course you are better than that!
Natalie

Lisa, I'm betting that you can stay in the classroom, teach effectively and still feel anxious. I'm not sure what you are telling yourself when you feel anxious, but truly it is only anxiety. It's an emotion. All emotions are in time, therefore, it has to pass. When you get the feelings, breathe into them as slowly as you can. In your mind, remind yourself that it's just anxiety and feel the feelings associated with that AND still keep your attention on what you are teaching. Remind yourself, Lisa, that at the end of this class, you can go straight home. Tell yourself that if you still need to have anxiety after the class is over, fine, you can go ahead and have it on the way home or after you get home - whichever you prefer.

See what happens....