The last several weeks it has seemed like I am in a major setback that I should go into the hospital or something because I seemed to have lost touch with reality and feel numb and lost my will. I have definitely wondered who I am anymore which is the scariest feeling of all. Nothing seems to be helping me right now so I am trying to float through this but it is soooooooo difficult. I am doing a lot of praying as well that something will click and make a difference. If this is still anxiety, what stage is this? This feels worse than panic. I want to know what it would be like to be living again. Love Mo.

Mo,

I know exactly how you feel. I can't find a happy medium you know. I think am I always gonna be like this? It doesn't feel right. I think maybe the meds aren't working again or maybe I should check myself in somewhere. Why am I scared of everything. I have had setbacks before but nothing like this one.

I too pray alot. I wonder what I'm suppose to learn from all of this. Why me? I would love to be able to live good and not worry so much about everything and the way I feel. I'm so sad. I feel out of touch too. If this is anxiety it must be a depressed part. I don't know and I wish I did. I find that I compare myself to others on what they have that I don't (ie: a marriage, children, just companionship) I guess I'm just jealous. But its hard for me because I've been alone for so long. I hide it well infront of others.

But please know you're not the only who feels this way.

I hope everything will turn around for us.

Hi Mo,
Its me again, well I know to much of what you are going through. Its called personality disintegration, and its definately apart of anxiety. But the good thing is that, people go through this so called "stage" when they are recovering. I hope that might bring a smile, or maybe the thought of one. I remember that phase, and it doesnt last that long if you just flow with it for a little while. Its hard to see right now that you are recovering or on the road too, but you wouldnt be this far if you wasnt.
If you are depressed, thats part of it as well. Depression is like saying you are depleted. That means, from living with fear for so long you have used up your emotional reserve and now you are completed empty or apathetic to every thing...which in other words you are depressed. Nothing scary about that, alot of rest, exercise, and some understanding will float you right up from depression. So I will leave you alone but send lots of love to you and encouragement to keep going and it will get better for sure. Its like having a cold (really it is)you cant rush the healing(unfortunately) you can only wait until your body heals. Now I will give you something that I gurantee will help....If you have not read this yet please, please, please, with much emphasis get these books.

Dr. Claire Weekes: Hope and Help for your Nerves.....and....More Help For Your Nerves.

Please get this two books, this author knows more about anxiety and depression the any other author out there(my opinion).

God bless.....SaSA

Hi Sasa. Thank You for your reply and encouragement. It is so comforting to know that this is actually a sign of getting better. At this stage you want as much hope as possible. I am getting those books tomorrow from the library on Dr. Claire Weekes. Hi Monroe, Thank you for your reply. It is nice to know you are not alone on this stage even though you know you wouldn't wish this on anybody else. Never!!! Please don't feel jealous about being alone, just use this time to get better for yourself so that you will be ready for a good relationship. I am married and have 4 children and it is soooooooo hard because you feel guilty that you are going through this because it does affect them and that adds to the pain and the guilt of this condition, I didn't know that I needed all this healing before I got married. If you get this all dealt with now you will be far more prepared for when you get married. I hope that is applicable to your situation. It is also very overwhelming all your responsibilities and that gets you in the condition in the first place. Yes, to find a happy medium and a balance is my main goal and purpose and not be extreme in my thinking. Practice, Practice, Practice.

Sasa, thanks for your post. It helped me too. The one thing that I have been terrified of most with the anxiety is the depression. I remember Claire Weekes saying that it's depletion. I have both her books which are wonderful but I had forgotten about that, and it's so true. I also live alone and have gone through the depersonalization and thought I was ready to be admitted. I was always waiting for someone to "rescue" me. I wasn't a very good person then. I was pretty self-destructive. I never felt good about myself. I have come so far in the last year! I just wanted to be the way I was, at first. But I've realized that I am coming into my own and I won't be the same person I was before and I don't want to be. I'm becoming be a better, stronger, more caring person for having gone through this. With others yes, but mostly with myself.

Wow!! Those books of Dr.Claire Weekes are really helping along with Lucinda's program because they describe the personality and the nervous system what it goes through with this anxiety when it has been going on for a long time. The 4 basic things to do to get better: 1)Facing 2)Accepting 3)Floating 4)Letting time pass. I was fighting for sooooo long and it was making it worse the more that I would fight the worse it got and the more anxious I got. The strength to recover is within you, once you are shown the way. That is sooo encouraging because who better to help yourself but you. God Bless You everyone