My name is Veronica and I have had the program for about 2 years already, but I don't know what I am doing wrong, I have all of these thoughts that still scare the wits out of me. I just gave birth to a beautiful little boy the 25th of February and I keep thinking I am going to hurt him. I love him more that my life and I keep thinking I am going to hurt him. I can't even iron because I think, what if I burn him. I was put on 20 mg of Prozac and did good for a couple of weeks but now it's all starting again, my doctor increased the dosage to 30mg a week ago and I still feel so down. It's so hard for me to get out of bed or to be alone with my baby. I just started a new full time job as a mortgage loan processor and I don't want to lose it, I've been getting to work late and life is just so hard for me right now. I can't get rid of these horrible thoughts. I also get scared with the thoughts I have about not seeing the point to life. I know I love life but at the same time it's like I'm so afraid to live it. I don't know if anyone can relate to what I am saying. I keep thinking I might go crazy with all the thinking I do. I've been having to take Ativan for the past week in order to keep myself from panicking at work or when I am with my baby and I don't want to get hooked on it. Also I keep thinking what if I really didn't want the responsibility of a baby and I feel like a kid myself and yet I am 25 years old, and married for almost 5 years already, I keep thinking what if I run away. I have so many sick thoughts it's driving me nuts. Please will someone send me some reassurance that I won't hurt my baby. I will appreciate it with all my heart.

Hi Veronica.

I've had scary thoughts also and I'm reading Hope and Help for your Nerves and alot of it is not really for me but one Chapter deals with scary thoughts almost exactly like yours, the example is a women whose a nurse works in obstetrics and thinks she might throw the baby out the window. Dr. Weeks says that is the exact opposite of what she really wants, of course she wants the thoughts to stop. She also is so exhausted that thats one thing that happpens to us when were emotionally and physically exhausted. So I'm sure with a beautiful new baby and a full time job your absolute wiped out. I know when I first starting getting anxiety was when I was full time with little babies and man it is totally exhausting. Also on the posting just below yours someone suggests that you obsess about things that you hate, wow what a realization for me anyways, thats why I obsess over this particular thing I can't even talk about, because I can't stand it!! Anyways so of course when you think you might hurt your child your sick about even thinking it. Dr. Weeks suggests:

1. Accept and do not try to force forgetfulness.
2. Stop fighting
3. Let time pass while you do this. ie: do something like play with that wonderful baby boy of yours go for a walk with him.

HOpe this helps

Hey Veronica!
I can relate with what you are saying. When I had my son 10 yrs ago, I went through the same thing. Only I didn't know that I had Anxiety disorder. I just thought I was a bad person for even letting something like that pass through my mind. I also have read the "hope and Healing for your nerves" book. She talks about the samt hing in there. If you can get that book it would help you feel a lot better about what you are thinking. Hang in there!!! Ya I know it's hard, but my son is 10 now (and I haven't hurt him with anything except a few bad meals and a lot of bad jokes!!!) so there is proof that you don't act on our "thoughts". Let me know how you are doing!
Betty

Vgmlovgm, Congratulations on your new baby boy!!

As I read your post, I thought that perhaps you may have post-partum depression. I did, or at least that's what I was told.

I also had my child at 21 and married at the same age. It was a very difficult adjustment to make from being single to being a parent. So much so that I chose not to have any more children.

I know how difficult this whole new stage of your life must be now. Being responsible for a new life was/is the hardest job I've ever done. I only wished that I would of been given a manual to go with my child at the hospital.

I honestly, and truly wish that there was more that I could say or do for you to help you cope with this.
Please know that I'm just a click away should you need to talk .

Dear Veronica,

Please don't think that you are alone. I take calls all the time from young mothers AND fathers, who voice the same fears as you have. Isn't it nice that you have received so much reassurance from fellow travelers?!
Keep in mind that if anyone thought your baby were in danger, we conscientious people would let you know!!! We love babies and we would help you find help if we thought in any way you were a danger to anyone else.

Just a few points that may help: Lesson 2,3 and 10 will help you. When one is in the middle of a stress/anxiety episode, it is vital that one do the basics (exercise, relaxation tape, nutritious eating, and truthful/kind self-talk. Remind yourself that thoughts are not always FACTS. FEELINgs are not facts...we feel what we think...therefore...

What is the TRUTH in your situation? You are tired. You are overwhelmed with janitorial duties. You have a job outside the home. You are tired. You have unbelievably serious responsibilities. You are tired. Your whole life changed and will never be the same (you perhaps haven't had a chance to experience the good side to this life change.) You are tired.

Please let me know your address and I will send you my 21 day regroup. Please ask for help with the janitorial stuff. Please UNDERREACT to EVERYTHING. Follow the steps in lessons 2, 3, and 10.

Know that this is TEMPORARY!!!!!! We are here for you. We've been there. You are not alone. Create a break whenever you can.
You are a good mom. You care. You love intensely. You have good instincts.

Bless your heart, Carolyn, MWC