Hi All,

I have read some of the obsessive thoughts that people have and realize thay I am possibly normal! I have been dealing with anxiety and panic attacks for about 3 years now. I have just ordered the program but have not started it yet, and cannot wait to. While I've experienced obsessive thinking and behaviors in the past, they were never this bad. Has anyone ever experienced sexual obsessive thoughts? I feel like I do not want these thoughts and do not invite them, however I will be sitting in a meeting, or a packed train, or a crowded restaurant, or with friends/family and all my thoughts become intrusively sexual. I picture everyone as sexual objects and fear losing control and sexually assaulting people. If you knew me, you would know this is the furthest thing from my personality! Everytime these thoughts occur, panic attacks set in, and I want to flee the situation and physically run away. I'm becoming so confused as these thoughts are happening when I'm around men, women, elderly, young children, etc. I've talked to family, friends, and boyfriend about this and they all say think it's anxiety showing up in a new form! Has anyone ever experienced? Please advise.
Thanks!!

MsA - As far as I know these types of thoughts are not uncommon and does not mean you are abnormal. They are definitely part of what goes on in your head when you are suffering from anxiety. Try your best to tell yourself that they are only thoughts and that you know yourself well enough to know that you would not ever act out on anything like that. WIshing you well...

The mind always picks thougths that are MORE distracting than whatever it is that is truly bothering you.

Obsessive thoughts are distractions and nothing more.

Journally can help find the core fear and help you deal with it better.

When you are obsessing, do not fight it. Except that the obsessions are there and just allow them to be there and fade into the background of your mind. Do not add to those thoughts and do not see how far they will lead you. Instead, picture them as the big mouth chatter box inside your head and the more you listen in, the louder the voices become and more disruptive. Treat them like a "big mouth" and give them little to no attention. Remind yourself that it's okay they are there and that THEY are not important anymore.

It takes practice and with lots of practice, the chatter box will shrink more and more and fade off into the background. It's only so loud because you are telling yourself that what it's saying is important. The chatter box is a liar and it speaks nothing but lies. Accept that it's there and don't give anything it says ANY value.

I'm glad you brought this one up. I've done this too. When I was younger, I used to be terrified that I was gay. Everytime I looked at a girl, I was scared that I would look at her chest. I actually had a major panic attack over it. I was sick for weeks, but no one knew about it, and I had no clue. I just remember thinking yes you are gay, no you're not, yes you are, no... over and over again. It was horrible. You know what brought me out of it? I just said to myself, maybe you are gay. I didn't know it, but I stopped being afraid, or at least not so much.
I also have had times, when people around me were arguing, that I would think of really violent sex acts. It took my mind off of the chaos. Its funny, not so long ago, my scary thoughts just seemed 'normal'. Now I see that these thoughts were scary. Then, they just passed by without notice.
You aren't alone!

Deb

Thank you all!!

Deb45 - this has started to happen to me as well! At the age of 22, and with a boyfriend of 4 years, and having been attracted to men all my life, I've started the same obsessive questioning of my sexuality. But it's not a normal line of questioning. As it's more a fear that I will lose control and stare at a women's chest, or lose control and kiss a strange women or do something sexually intrusive to a woman that I know. It's always that fear of losing control in a sexual way that brings on my panic attacks. It then escalates once I say to myself why are these thougts occurring and why are they happening around women, as well?? I have now become uncomfortable to go out or even talk on the phone with my best girlfriends because of fearing having these thoughts around them, or of them. All of these thoughts did start around the time that I was having a surgery and so I'm wondering if my mind manifested itself in these thoughts to keep from being anxious over the surgery. But that was a month ago, and I feel my mind is still stuck in this pattern of obsessive thinking.

i love the name Ms Anxiety.i know onlt to well the sexual thought problem which i have suffered so terribly for for some time.This is how insidious anxiety can be.What it does is put thoughts that you would consider scary,obscene,dirty,fearful etc and once it realizes that it bothers you .It will become habit forming all based off of fear.Its almost like a school yard bully once they smell fear they wont relent.I went to see a specialist in NYC about these obsessions because they were ruining my life.The bottom line is you must make these thoughts irrellevant.Accept them as a diffent part of your brain and almost laugh at them.You will not act on these thoughts,and people that act on thoughts such as these feel no remorse,guilt,fear or responcibilty.We have i was told from this specialist a broken amygdala which is an almond shaped mass in the anterior part of the temporal lobe of the brain which regulates thoughts.Everyone and I mean everyone has distubing thoughts in one form or another,but the amydala regulates and lets these thoughts pass by without much fanfare.So what you must do is ACCEPT ACCEPT ACCEPT.It will eventually take there power away so they dont effect your daily life.It will not happen over night you must first find away to alleviate your anxiety symptoms first through either meditation or anything that may calm you.If its bad maybe short term use of a benzo such as klonopin or xanax will help you get things under control. I promice if you face these thoughts and dont shrink or run from them,you will conquer them .I wish you the best of luck and know that things will get better and because our society has put such a heavy burden on thoughts of these nature being perverted or unnacceptable makes them fearful and makes them stick in your head.You must realize that everyone gets weird thoughts .I dont care who they are.Just Accept them and move on because you wont act on them .They are just THOUGHTS.tHEY ARE NOT YOUR ACTIONS THIS ANXIETY CRAP DOES NOT CONTROL YOUR SELF WILL EVEN THOUGH AT YOUR LOWEST POINTS YOU MAY THINK IT DOES.ANOTHER THING IN BATTELING THESE IS MAKE SURE YOU EXERCISE AND GET ALOT OF SLEEP IT IS SO VERY IMPORTANT.EVEN IF YOU FEEL LIKE CRAP GO OUT FOR A WALK DO ANYTHING TO RELEASE YOUR BODY'S NATUARAL TRANQUILIZER'S.GOOD LUCK YOU'LL BE FINE

Thank you to all. I've just started this attacking anxiety program, have begun seeing a therapist, and have joined a gym. Little by slowly my disturbing thoughts are dissipating and losing their importance. When these thoughts began a few months ago, they were the focal point of my life, and caused 5- 10 panic attacks per day. Now, I am dowm to about 1 panic attack per day (on a good day) and can dismiss these thoughts a little easier. And all this has happened within week 1 of the program, 2 weeks of psychotherapy, and 1 week of exercise. Thank you all for listening and be well!!

Chris, your post helped me....
"accept"....
I am finding that this is what I need to do with my obsessive thoughts.
Thanks.

Just want to throw in my story since we're brave enough to talk about it.. I have had these obsessive thoughts for YEARS following a sexual dream. In just worrying about my identity I have had the most unusual and disturbing sexual thoughts.. please don't try to imagine them, because i won't. I have come to every conclusion about myself and still some days I am unsure. I finally saw a very talented psychotherapist who really knows gay men and he says I'm not gay. I told that to Carolyn on the phone, and she gave me great advice: She said that since I don't trust myself, I have to start trusting somebody.. So I'm trusting this guy's intuition. I wish every guy with that problem could go to this guy for help.. he's the man! If I had known what I know now, I would have purposely sought out somebody like this guy who has a history of dealing with men with sexual identiy issues. I got lucky because he was my parents' marital counselor and they set me up with him. Be cautioned, I went to one guy who started telling me everything he thought I needed to hear to "come out".. I couldn't do it! I wonder why... If "coming out" information opens a door that you've been waiting to step through your whole life, that's probably a sign. But if it leaves you tormented and wanting a second opinion, get one. Although I don't feel totally sure about my identity, I feel I'm on the right path. Nothing is black and white. Good day

This post really has helped me. I am new to the forum and havent posted before but the above posts are what I have been suffereing with for the last 6-7 months. I have used the program and been on meds and seen a counsleor. I was getting better but have seemed to have had a "relapse". It is so scary for me. I have a husband whom I love dearly and these thoughts upset me so much. I have never before in my life had these thoughts before 6 months ago. It is so hard to just accept them and let them go. I feel if I accept them than I am saying that the thoughts are true. So I have to counter the thought with the truth over and over and over again and that doesnt always help. One reason why I think I relapesed is because I went of my meds - maybe a little too soon. The last couple of nights I have had trouble sleeping. Waking up a lot. It makes me very sick to my stomach and I am very nauseas. In one of the previous post someone said that they just went with the thought and said 'maybe I am gay' - I cant do that because I dont want it to be true. I just want to go back to how I was 7 months ago without any of these thoughts. These thoughts are so draining. But it is helpful to come on the forum and read posts. This posts has made me see that there are other people out there that have had these scary thoughts and are not gay. I just want it all to go away.

Hi Hope321!!

Thank you for your honesty and thank you to all!! It has been helpful for me to vent to those who understand exactly what I have been going through. The therpaist that I have been seeing has diagnosed me as Obsessive Compulsive. I do not have compulsions, such as hand-washing, etc. but I do suffer from obsessive thoughts from time to time. I have been suffering with disturbing and repetitve thoughts of sexual nature for 2 months now. Disturbing sexual thoughts and obsessive questioning of your sexuality can be a sign of OCD, or anxiety. Although knowing this has made me feel better, I feel like you Hope. It's hard for me to be like, "ok, that's what it is," because I feel like I'm saying "ok, that's what I am." These thoughts started out very scattered and all sexual and have spiraled into a false story! I now fear I will have to change my sexuality, live a different life that I don't want, never have kids, or marry my boyfriend! It feels as though I'm being forced to think these thouhts everyday! I know I have control over my mind, but it does not feel that way. When I am with my boyfriend I am able to calm down and feel like me again, but when I am not, I live in fear of if these thoughts could be true. The minute I calm down, I think - "Why am I not thinking about it, why am I not trying to solve the problem?" I feel like you Hope in the way that I keep telling mysef I want to go back to the way I was just 2 months ago. I was a happy person who never had these thoughts! Now I eat, drink, and sleep these bothersome thoughts. I do think they will end for all of us though, as we realize that WE are in control of OUR minds. Good Luck to all and Be Strong!

So helpful to know that someone else is going through the exact same thing as I am with the same thoughts. Thank you for sharing what your counselor told you. I am in the process of finding a new one because the one I was going to wasnt helping at all. If you have any more insight that helps you, please share. We will get through this. I just keep remembering how I was before this and how I never ever had these thoughts. I feel like if I was indeed questioning my sexuality it would have happened a while ago...before I was happily married. I never would have dreamed that I would ever have scary thoughts like this. Maybe that is why they are so scary and upsetting. Thanks for sharing. You have helped. Just knowing I am not the only one with these scary obsessive thoughts.

WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SAY IN REGARDS TO ACCEPTANCE IS NOT TO SAY THAT IF YOU HAVE GAY THOUGHTS YOU ARE GAY.THIS IS THE BOTTOM LINE WITH OBSESSIONS IF YOU THINK THAT WAY IN REGARDS TO ACCEPTANCE THATS EXACTLY WHAT THIS INSIDIOUS DISORDER WANTS YOU TO DO.YOU MUST ACCEPT THE THOUGHTS AS THEY MAY OR MAY NOT COME,BUT IF THEY DO TREAT THEM AS SOMETHING IRRELEVANT BECAUSE IF YOU MAKE LIGHT AND EXCEPT THEY WILL LOSE THERE POWER IF YOU PUT THOUGHT INTO IF I THINK THOUGHTS OF BEING GAY AND I ACCEPT THAT THEN I MUST BE GAY.THAT IS JUST NOT TRUE YOU HAVE TO LEARN JUST TO ACCEPT AND REALIZE THAT THIS IS PART OF YOUR BRAIN THAT IS GOING TO THROW AT YOU THE MOST DISTURBING THINGS IT CAN TO DRAW ANXIETY SYMPTOMS.SO ALL I CAN SAY FROM MY OWN EXPERIENCE IS THAT I HAVE HAD SEVERAL GAY THOUGHTS AND I KNOW ITS PART OF MY CONDITION(ANXIETY OCD WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT).AND I HAVE LEARNED THAT ITS GONNA COME AND GO TO TRY AND UPSET ME AND IF I DONT ACCEPT IT AS THAT AND JUST GO WITH IT.IT FOR ONE WILL STAAY LONGER TWO MAKE ME QUESTION THE TRUTH OF IT AND THEN FINALLY PUT ME INTO A HUGE PANIC WHICH THEN IT HAS ESSENTIALLY WON.SO I URGE YOU TO REALIZE ITS NOT WHAT YOU ARE.THIS IS ANXIETY'S NASTY LITTLE WAY OF KEEPING YOU IN ITS GRIP.SO I KNOW ITS HARD BUT YOU HAVE TO JUST KEEP REPEATING THAT ITS NOT YOU AND JUST A MAL FUNCTIONING AMYGDALA THAT SENDS YOU CRAZY MESSAGES AND YOU NATURALLY WONDER IF ITS TRUE,BUT REST ASSURE THERE NOT OR THEY WOULD NOT BOTHER YOU.KEEP THE FAITH AND LOOK INTO BOOKS BY DR CLAIRE WEEKS.

Hi All,

Thanks chris tt! I agree with you. To return the favor and offer you guys some comfort, I'd like to share with you what my therapist had told me the other night.
She said often times obsessive thoughts happen when we are worried or scared about something else, and we put these concerns into other thoughts. She said as crazy as it sounds, obsessing about one's sexuality or harming someone, may be easier to deal with than what is really bothering the person. She said the real issues at hand are sometimes too frightening to deal with, that our minds will choose something else to obsess over. This makes sense to me. I do feel a bit more comforted, but those thoughts are pesky and relentless!
Be strong! Keep the Faith! This too, shall pass!

Hello all, I just want to say that reading these posts has taken about a million pounds of anxiety and self doubt off of my back. I thought I was the only one with this issue. I have been suffering from this issue off and on since I was about 16 years old, I am now 29. My father is very anti-gay and always spoke about how he hated gay people. I did not have a serious girlfriend until I was about 17 and during my early teen years he would always ask me why I never had a girlfriend or if I was gay. This put huge pressure on me and I of course started asking myself that very question. I believe this is where and why it all began. I am now 6 years happily married and my wife and I have been together for 12 years this October. My wife knows about my obsessive thinking on this issue and we both went to a counselor together. My obsessive thoughts on this issue seem to come and go, sometime they will be gone for a year or two and then BAM I wake up one day walking in the same obsessive circle as when it all began. I started having these thoughts again early this month and I gotta tell you when an issue like this keeps reoccuring for this long in your life you really start to question your sexuality. I have never had any sexual attraction to men and you would think that that in itself would be evidence enough but nooooo my thoughts seem to take control. I hate this feeling so much, its the worst feeling in the world. Some days I wish I was plagued with any other problem, nothing is as bad as these thoughts. Me and my wife are planning on having children soon and I really hope that I can get this completly under control once and for all. Thanks for your posts they helped me realize that this issue is just an anxiety/obsessive thinking issue.