I was in a bad relationship last year. I love this guy to death and thought he was the one. But he wasn't good to me. He met a girl on the computer, cheated on me and is now living with her. He has a lot of problems, but I wanted so much to help him with them even when he became abusive. My new year's resolution was to keep him out of my life- Well today I messed that all up. Why do I do that to myself? I was sad and depressed for so long and I just seem to be getting my life together, but I have a weekness for him. I know I can do better and that I deserve better. I thought I would be ok, but know I am sitting here crying. I think it is myself I am upset with. I don't have anyone to talk to because all my family hate him and I know I shouldn't have done it- Let him come over and I slept with him and I don't know why. We broke up in Nov. and I haven't been with anyone else. I thought I could be strong, but I wasn't and I think I just messed up. I wouldn't let him come and see me and then he says how he misses me and loves me and how I will always be the one and ofcourse I say he can stop by as friends. I messed myself up, why do I do this. I am sorry for rambling, but I needed to vent. Thank you and sorry.
I'm thinking the next session about self esteem might help. Sorry again.
HUGS
Melissa

[QUOTE]Originally posted by LisaM:

I am glad you got away from it, knowing it wasn't the man for you. I don't know what I am going to do to be honest. I don't want to get hurt again- I was so miserable for so long. I want him, but I know he won't change and he's not good for me. I am glad you are now happily married.
Anxiety comes on for so many reasons. It may not be the relationship with your husband causing it at all. It could be relationships with others in life or something totally else setting you off. But the thing I really have stuck in my head from this weeks session (session 2) is that I am causing this- noone else. Crazy the things we do to ourselves.
Thank you for your response.

HUGS*
Melissa

I was in the EXACT situation about 5 years ago. The guy I was dating was not for me, we had been together for about a year. My family couldn't stand him (they thought I could do so much better). As long as I didn't see or talk to him, I was okay. But as soon as I saw or heard his voice, I would fall back in again. But in the back of my mind I knew it would never work, I knew I could do better for myself. We wouldn't have had a good life together. So, I just broke off all ties with him, changed my phone number, etc. And surrounded myself with my friends. Eventually I started dating again, and met the man who is now my husband. Each situation is different though. I actually started having my panic attacks while I was dating this guy, and originally I thought maybe that was what was causing them, with the stress of my family and all. But I just recently started having them again, and I don't know why. I'm not unhappy with my marriage. I also went to a therapist for about 6 months and he really helped me to get out of the relationship. (and get rid of the panic attacks).

[QUOTE]Originally posted by beckman:

I am sorry to hear about your situation. It's awful when you sit back and see what other people do and how that treat us, but it's worse that we don't see what we are really worth and how much more we deserve. I myself have been trying to build my faith in GOD (I get confused a lot- I think it's because I study with Jehovah Witnesses and they believe it's their way or no way, but that is a whole other issue that I am dealing with). I think with GOD and this program we will get better. Thank you for responding. Keep the Faith.
Melissa

Glad you logged in and talked about all that missjday. Being a guy I'm not quite the one to give any advice. I can relate alittle bit though. My exwife and I are still kinda of seeing each other. I spend time with my exstep kids and talk with her on the phone every other day or so. I guess we both hope we can have a future still. I've been thinking about our relationship this last few years. I don't think either of us know what we are doing. Fear keeps us both from letting go of the relationship. I know I allow myself to be her back up man. If she can't find another partner in life she can fall back on me. And i think i'm doing the same thing too with her. My low self esteem and fear keeps me from moving on. And self imposed guilt keeps me faithful to her. It's robbing me of a chance to be a Father, and a chance to be in Love again. About a year ago I met a really pretty gal. We started talking and hanging out and she really wanted to start dating. I wanted to, but couldn't cause I didn't want to hurt my exwife. She wanted to have another child and she was 9 years younger than me, i'm 34, so she could have been the one I could have started a family with. Any way the point being i'm staying faithful to an exwife who divorced me, and has tried dating since our divorce, and such because I have excess guilt and low self worth. Insane. I'm not looking for any relationship right now, except a relationship with my creator and savior. And he's giving me a spirit of power and love and a sound mind. Once I can love Him , then I can Love myself, then I can love another. Then I won't need someone to make me feel better. Then hopefully I can share the love with my partner. When we need someone to make us feel okay, then we are powerless over are own well being. And I have been powerless over my own state of being all my life. NO MORE. Through this program and continued growth in my relationship with God, this is a way of living I plan to abandon and move on and I bet you are on the way also. God bless and daily prayers.

Rhio-

Thank you!. I am sorry to hear about your situation though- I know how hard it is. It's hard when you love someone and what them to realize and change, but the truth is we can only change ourselves. So I guess it's a blessing that we're here with this program working on it. I have a feeling once I raise my self esteem and start going out- it will make me stronger- It's just going to be getting to that point. I pray soon. Thank you again and GOD Bless!
If you ever want to talk I'm here
Melissa

Thank you for the advice. I wasn't sure if I should even post it, but then I figured it has something to do with how I feel about myself and how I treat myself because of the depression and anxiety. It's like I know I am worth more, but then I say who wants someone like me with all this baggage I have. And this day in age it's hard to find someone special esp. when your stuck in the house all the time. Hopefully that will change soo with the help of this program. Thanks again.
Melissa

((((((((Melissa)))))))))

I understand. I completely understand. The man I love is not good for me either. At least he hasnt been in the past. He has been away in the military for the last few months, and wont be back until May. I am hoping that it's done him and me some good. He is my weakness. We have spent time apart (because he was off doing things and girls that he shouldnt have been) in the past, but then he cries and shows up at my work etc... just when i think i am strong, I am not as strong as I thought. I love him.. I would do just about anything for him.. and apparantly value his life and needs more than my own. I am working on all of that, but it's hard. I just want him to come home, and for him to realize what he has in me.. and have us live happily ever after. I dont know if that will ever happen though. And that makes me sad. (sorry for rambling) But anyway.. I do understand, not just with this guy, but I had a situation similar to yours in the past as well. I finally did put my foot down and kick him out of my life for several months. It wasnt until he moved away that we could talk again and be friends.

Try not to beat yourself up about this.. I know I know, easier said than done. Yes, you were weak, and gave in. But tomorrow is a new day.. actually the minute he left started another phase of your life. You have the future you can work on it. Hang in there honey.

Hey-don't beat yourself like this. I know from personal experience that when I am feeling down about myself I let myself get dragged into situations that I regret. For me, if I can anticipate a situation and have a concrete plan in place, I don't have to think on my feet. Thinking on my feet in an emotional situation is not what I do well. Know your limitations, and have a way to get around these limitations. You're going to win this war, one battle at a time! Take care, and write down your plan for the next time this situation comes up-if it is written down, you can then read it and remember why you have set the boundries in the first place.