I struggle sometimes with gaining approval from others. I know that this is probably a self esteem issue. Does anyone have comments or advice or tools to help me not care about what other people think

The assertiveness lesson (7?) helps alot with this.

Otherwise, I picked these tips up on a wiki--maybe they'll help:
•If you don't take care of your needs, you will run out of fuel. You cannot burn all of your "fuel" on others. If you keep yourself up and running by doing what's best for you, then you will have enough "fuel" to do good for others.
•Have an affirmation pinned up where you will see it every day. "My needs are just as important as yours."
•Understand that kindness does not equate to "people pleasing", nor does unkindness equate to disagreement. It is possible to be both kind and to state your own needs. Don't label your standing up for yourself as being "unkind". It is not.
•Anticipate situations where you would normally "people please," by thinking about what you want and rehearsing your "lines."
•Don't worry if you slip back into your old ways occasionally - this is probably a lifelong habit, and it will take time to overcome.
•Phrase your "no" as simply as possible. Don't raise your voice or become upset, simply say that you cannot help this time. When you say no, say it in a confident, well modulated voice to sound more straightforward.
•Don't feel obligated to explain. You have your reasons and they may not be ones you wish to discuss. If this is the case, try saying something like, "I'm just not able to." Leave it at that - if you must, change the subject, or say, "I'm so sorry, but I need to go."

thank you mc grace

you're welcome