Last night my 13 year old daughter came in and woke me up. She said she couldn't get to sleep and was scared...nervous. My husband told her to climb in bed with me and he'd sleep on the couch. She cozied up next to me and we talked awhile....boy, its been forever to have one of my kids in bed with me...I loved it. Big or small, they are still my babies! Anyway, I believe she was having an anxiety attack...not a full blown panic. She has had them before. It was great to be able to lay there and tell her there was nothing to be afraid of. I told her again what was probably going on with her chemically and how our thoughts feed our fears. I got her a big glass of water (which helps me alot...it did her too). I told her to lay on her back and do some deep breathing and to let her body just relax. We both eventually drifted off to sleep.

This morning when I woke up and saw her next to me and thinking back on our conversation and how I could reassure her that she was ok and help her to understand what was going on in her body and mind and see her "float" with it...I just praised God for having so many resources to offer her. Both my daughters (13 and 17) have experienced anxiety and even panic attacks at times....but it has never hindered them from going and doing things, being independant and throughly enjoying their childhoods. How grateful I am that they will not become enslaved to this disorder like I did at their age and missed out on so much as a kid. How grateful to have learned so much about this problem that I can now pass onto them. What a blessing to pass this onto them.

Peaches

Peaches,

What an inspiration that you have the skills to help your daughters! I've never experienced anxiety or panic attacks, but my 15 year old daughter has had them for about 2 years now. We've tried to calm her, love her and help her get over it, but it's hard. We sought therapy for her too, but haven't gotten very far.

How do your kids get calm enough after a panic attack to carry on with their lives? It stops my daughter dead in her tracks and leaves her unable to function. It does go away after a while, but she's still insistant on not being able to function.

Last night she announced that she "can't" go to her first day of school today, and went unto full panic-attack mode. We calmed her down, but are sure that she'll take the same stance and go through it again this morning if we "force" her to go to school. I wish that there were some way of getting through to her to make her see that her fears are worse than reality, and that she has to TRY to function. We don't want her fears to keep her from living! So, any advice?? Thanks!!

Dear Mom,
I cried reading your post. It brought back so many memories of my own anxiety as a kid. I started with anxiety in Second grade after an operation. By Fifth grade I refused to go to school...I just hated it and felt trapped. I would beg my parents not to send me. I missed 63 days that year. School was always very hard for me until college. (I loved college!) My parents had no idea what to do. Drugs and therapy were the norm. They used Librium back then and it would just knock me out...therapy helped some. But with what they know today, your daughter can beat this. If you have never experienced a panic attack yourself, you have no idea how frightening it feels. The sensations are pretty overwelming. So much so that you will avoid ANYTHING to keep from having one again. Unfortunately, by avoiding situations that make you anxious you reinforce relief by not doing the thing you're anxious about and create a whole other problem and prison as a result. You may feel "safe" at home, but then your home becomes your prison. The more you avoid, the smaller your world becomes. I completely understand why she doesn't want to go to school. I would not make her until she can cope better and you need to help her find the skills and resources to help herself. Pushing someone into things who experiences panic only increases the fear and dread. Your daugther feels as though things are out of control in her life, body, mind....right now...and to force her into school will only increase those feelings. She needs help to learn how to control panic first and then she will feel she has the skills to better cope with school and other situations that make her anxious. This program will help her in many ways...but I would do it with her. Hearing what Lucinda teaches and what the others say concerning their recovery will help you understand what she feels like, what she is frightened about and how to work through each step. I would think it would open up alot of dialog between you both doing it together. But if you do do it with her, she will have to go at her own pace. This just isn't something you can breeze through. The fear is overwelming on either side of the problem....staying like you are and learning how to work it through. You feel stuck between a rock and a hard place...not a great place for a person who panics. Could you possibly take a few months and work at home with her on this? Some schools will do a Homebound program...letting the child do her work at home for awhile. Taking the pressure off her with school will help. Then getting to work on beating this thing. I homeschooled my kids for 11 years...so they had very little pressure and felt safe all the time. When they had bad days, we were able to roll with them. Now that they are in public school, they have enough confidence and skills to deal with anxious situations. My sister-in-law always took the opposite approach and forced my nephew to do things when he was totally freaked....and now he is 11 and has full blown panic disorder. She thought that by "flooding" him with the scarey situation that he would overcome it or see that it wasn't as scarey as he thought. NOT! It would have been better to teach him the skills first to cope and then slowly let him try them on in different situations. This would have built his confidence and trust in himself. Would you throw a child overboard in a raging storm without a life preserver and think that he would make it? He has a better chance with something to keep him afloat while he weathers out the storm.

The other thing I would consider is if there might be a chemical imbalance. I eventually found out that I had one. I have worked with a biochemist/nutritionist for the past 11 years (and so have my kids) who balanced out our chemistry with diet, vitamins and amino acids. These imbalances (though different in each of us) were contributing much of our anxiety. The episode the other night I spoke about in the above post was I believe a "chemical" attack...after a whole summer of being on her own alot and eating lots of junk. She even said she felt that that was what it was...she wasn't consciously nervous about anything she could think of. This doctor worked over the phone completely with us and works with patients all over the world. If you want more info on that route, e-mail me direct. Having been on both sides of a bad diet and bad chemistry, I know that what we eat can have a big effect. And I witness it over and over again in my girls.

Therapy can help sometimes, but a bad therapist is the worst. And medication can help some from what I hear although check out the following site and the reprucussions of kids on Paxil.
http://www.yourlawyer.com/practice/overview.htm?topic=Paxil

I really feel for you as a mom and i really feel for your daughter who is struggling with this. Its no fun! And eating up her precious days. If I can help in any other way, e-mail me. Hope this helps some.

Blessings,
Peaches P.S. If your daughter wants to e-mail me she is welcome to.

Mom,
Someone on the Forum just e-mailed me about your post above. He pointed out that you live on Long Island! Are you near Farmingdale?? That is where the biochemist is that I told you about above!!!!!!!!! GO SEE HIM! E-mail me and I will give you more info. He can help your daughter. He has helped us so much and NO DRUGS! Click on the e-mail next to my name.
Peaches

Peaches,

Thanks for your reply. I'll email you tomorrow morning--it's been a busy day/night here. We went to a center tonight by miracle! We found a center (the only one on Long Island) that was recommended in Lucinda's book. I called and found out that one of the "teachers" has sessions RIGHT HERE near me, and she had an availability for tonight, so we went! It turned out great-we really feel like my daughter is finally on the right path!

We heard tonight not to push our daughter back to school. I have MANY calls to make to the school tomorrow (they weren't available today) to arrange either tuitors or homeschooling. Since our daughter is pretty much beyond MY intellectual level, my hometeaching her would be out of the question. I'm hoping for tuitors. I'm convinced that this won't be a long-time situation.

We'll all do the work with her and help her be the best she can be. It's great to see a little spark in her once again!

I'll email you tomorrow with the rest of the info and questions you asked me! Thanks again!!