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Stress Center Community Forums Everyone Welcome Parent to Parent Is the program for children|
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Education Director |
In response to a mom who has a 13 yr.old daughter with separation anxiety, fear of vomiting and spiders, I wrote the following and want to share it with our readers.
How fortunate that your daughter has a mom who is so on top of what she needs. I would say that the program will help her, but I believe she will need you or someone to design it to her level. I always recommend that the relaxation tape be the first coping skill introduced, then teach from the coaching videos and flash cards. The group discussions are of interest to adults but maybe not to a 13 year old…try a couple and see. Because of her trigger-fear (separation), I would enroll her in as many activities that promote self reliance as possible…for example, karate-this would help her understand that she has control of herself and her responses, make her feel strong about herself and her ability to take care of herself. I had one daughter who was like your dear one, after she calmed down a bit (with measured breathing taught in program) I would ask her what all of her choices were in a given feared situation. For example: can’t find mom in a store/choices: scream, tell a store employee, run away, panic and not be able to think. We had some very good discussions, some very humorous ones too.  When we have a fearful child the number one thing we can do for that child is to empower them…she is now a kindergarten teacher with two babies of her own. The program does not address too many specific fears because they are really all the same: fear. The program is designed to help us address whatever negatively controls us in an effective way. Parents please feel free to add helpful suggestions you have used. Carolyn |
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I bought my program for my daughter and she was 35. I found I still needed to go throught it about 3 lessons ahead of her, and coach her through her lessons.
To be truly honest the changes this course, affected in me helpd her as much as the lessons did. Now we are both living large, and enjoying life more and more. I can't thank Lucinda enough for her courage to step out and take the risk of publishing this course to help us all. Cheri keep looking up 8^) Everything always works out in the end, if it's not, then it's not THE END 'Never allow someone to be your Priority while allowing yourself to be their Option'. "What you are is God's gift to you and what you do with what you are is your gift to God" We are just too Blessed to be Stressed!!! May Grace and Mercy be multiplied to you. |
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rosa |
hi! i really need some help from the staff in midwest center because i am really worried.
i suffer from anxiety, and i had noticed that my 6 year old son has it too, he overreacts, the other night he was so scared and i asked him what he was scared about and he said he dodn't know, he was just scared ,this has happened 4 nights in a row, during the day he is ok,but he is always worried about things ex. me and my husband dying , getting old, bullies in school etc. what can i do , i don't want him to have this.. please reply.. can any one tellme how to use the forums, i want to put a new post thank you rosa |
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rosa |
hi ! again, i am really desperate. i would appreciate your responses from the people who come to forums . thank you
rosa |
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rose; Children feel your fear, and the TV is full of scarry things, and the kids at school are happy to scare the other kids with what they think they know.
6 is a new age for children, they are braking away from home and that can scare them. I had a niece that would not sleep with the light off at that age, it is jsut a phase. I hope you have the program. as I said before; To be truly honest the changes this course, affected in me helpd her as much as the lessons did. Now we are both living large. Your getting well from this problem will do more than anything for your son. In the mean time read to him, in the evening about nature, and animals, things that intrest him, but are not scarry. If you can don't listen to the news on TV at night, and most of the shows that are frighening in content. perhpas watch cartoons, for a while, something that will make him laugh, or perhaps just shut off the TV and play a game with him. I used to sing songs with my children, and we loved to play dominos, Chineese Checkers, or do puzels, at bedtime. Lots of hugs, and lots of love, help him to know you are Ok and you are there for him. I have some friends that let their kids in bed with them when they went through this stage in their lives. I don't recomend it because it is hard to get stoped. but perhpas if it is real bad, my son would have helucinations and get up thinking the house was on fire, or flooding, depending on what he had heard about during the day. Then I would bring him to bed with us, and just hold him. Believe me this is a normal phase and he will get through it all he needs is your arms to be there for him, and just keep telling him you love him! Perhaps show him pictuers of you at his age, and help him to see that life goes on and things change all the time. and it is a good thing. My daighter used to put their wedding VCR of, a VCR I had made of her singing songs, for them to go to sleep with at that age. Go to sleep with happy thoughts. any of taht will help some but he will need; like Lucinda says; to know that he is safe. that is all the Fear is about False evidence apearing real. Make sure all his evidence is real loveing. Cheri keep looking up 8^) Everything always works out in the end, if it's not, then it's not THE END 'Never allow someone to be your Priority while allowing yourself to be their Option'. "What you are is God's gift to you and what you do with what you are is your gift to God" We are just too Blessed to be Stressed!!! May Grace and Mercy be multiplied to you. |
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Hi Rosa:
All the advice in Cheryl's (CEF) post is very accurate. Your son will pick up on your fears. But like Cheryl says, all he really needs is to have you love him and sooth him. Keeping the TV off will surely help. Will I just agree with what CEF/Cheryl wrote. Wishing you and your son blessings! Reading to children is excelent! As long as it is soothing stories. Not scary things. MaryJane |
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hello, I bought this program for myself in {feb. 2007} for 17 yrs of depression and anxiety and feeling very sad the mistakes I made during my children's childhood.All the times I was angry,sad or yelling and feeling out of control .I see some angry and anxiety feeling in my children .My children are 14,16,17 Im on lesson 6 and trying very hard. I would like help my children along the way so alot happier. thank-you
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joann w.
; None of us know how to be a parent, not really. every child is diffrent, I believe they come with their own temperment, and yes we can affect them, either way. but all and all it is in their perception. life happens, and we can't always be the parent we want to be. I grew up angry, and did not know why all my life. I can forgive my parents, now in fact many times while my children were growing I would see in them what I did to my parents and I would call my parents and appoligies. I know my parents did the best they could with the circomstances they were living with. My mom was only 17 when she maried, my brother came when seh was 18, I cam she was 20. My dad was recovering from WWII war woundes, inside and out. Their lives were not smooth. I maried when I was 21, I moved to my husbands family ranch, and thought I had moved to hell, I was not accepted at all, and my husband was recovering from the Viet Nam war. it took my dad at least 40 years and this is my husbands 40th aniversery of his deployment. I can see he is trully relaxing for the first time, and some times he still goes back in his mind, just last night he dreamed of Nam again, only diffrence now he tells me about it. we had our first child 9 months in to our marriage, and that held us together, and our second child, was sick for 10 years. and that was such a strain, my daughter was just 3 when he came. and she lost her favorite toy (me) I was exhosted trying to take care of her baby brother, and she would pick on him to get my attention, I ended up farming her out to relativs all I could so I would't be on her all the time for making her brother cry. She grew up thinking I didn't love her because I was always sending her away, and that I love her brother more. Things happen and we all do the best we can with the had we are delt. We can not make the world flat for our children, it isn't flat for us. when I get down on my self for my yelling, and mistakes, I think about how God only had 2 kids, and they only had one pear to pressure them, to break the one and only roole they lived with. Their world was flat, they had everything there was to have in the earth at the time. still they made 1 mistake and all hell broke loose. So I believ parenting has got to be the hardest job there is in heaven and on earth, even God's kids went bad. In that light I can rest, knowing I did my best just like my parents did their best. it isn't because we don't love our children, it is because we are human, and the wold is hard, there seems to be alot of pearpressure for all of us now. we are trying to do the hardest job there is, with what we have to work with. Try not to give your kids the mothers curse, you know the one "I hope you have a child just like you" But when they do, they will realize just how hard your job was. Learn to be free and light, take care of yourself, and allow your self to be happy and full of joy;, and modle that for your children. look at the statistices that show the happyest people in America are the Amish, those with the least amount of things, and the most amount of time to love their families. your kids don't need the latest fads, they need your time to play with them, teach them what you know. Love is spelled TIME, not more. Cheri keep looking up 8^) Everything always works out in the end, if it's not, then it's not THE END 'Never allow someone to be your Priority while allowing yourself to be their Option'. "What you are is God's gift to you and what you do with what you are is your gift to God" We are just too Blessed to be Stressed!!! May Grace and Mercy be multiplied to you. |
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Hi cheri thank-you for the words of hope.
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Did you finnish the corse? growing pains are bound to come. I finnished it a year ago, and I am still haveing growin pains in fact I am going through one right now. I am working up the courage to go to the Hospital, and get some action with this heal spurr I have been walking on for the last year because I am terrifyed of Hospitals. and to make it worse I hate using the tellephone. especially when I need to make an appointment with a Hospital.
don't get down on yourself it took 17 years to get you this stuck, and it will take at least 17 months to get you un stuck. The kids are resiliant and they will come out of it much faster once you show them the best way to do it. good to hear from you again. Cheri keep looking up 8^) Everything always works out in the end, if it's not, then it's not THE END 'Never allow someone to be your Priority while allowing yourself to be their Option'. "What you are is God's gift to you and what you do with what you are is your gift to God" We are just too Blessed to be Stressed!!! May Grace and Mercy be multiplied to you. |
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Stress Center Community Forums Everyone Welcome Parent to Parent Is the program for children
