A Father’s Anguish
My name is Seth. I find myself feeling hopeless, worthless and have no reason to go on.
I am very involved in my daughters life. Ever since she was a child we would always have our daddy daughter talks. I always made it important for her to know that even as a child her opinions and feelings matter. She has just turned 13 and it seems like overnight we have grown very apart. I believe she see’s me as a failure and an embarrassment and acts like she does not need or want me any more. So now I feel I have to go away and maybe she will be better of with out a father like me. I don’t ask god any more to ease my pain. All I ask now that he take’s me. Please pray for my daughter to be healthy, happy, to find strength in difficult times, and most important to all way’s be at peace with herself.

Thank You.

Seth, sorry you have feeling this way...I know how you feel been there myself. First, let me tell you that from your post you seem to be having a hard time right now...I do mean right now...it is only temporary... each minute and hour and day is a new beginning always remember that. Anyhoo, I have two daughters one in her twentys and the other soon to be 13. I went through the same thing you are with my first and I see the writing on the wall for the second one I smile because what you are experiencing is perfectly normal. At 13 these kids want their independence and at the same time need the proper direction from the parents. Going through this with my first daughter has enabled me to not take the way these kids are treating so personally. You're daughter will be back just guide her well and consistently. I know this is kind of a short response but I just wanted to let you know I can relate to what you are going through. Take care...by the way, do you have the program?

Seth:
There is hope!!!
Try to believe me.
I raised two daughters and a son.
What you described is the way 13 year old daughters do.
It is not permenent.
And It is not you.
I watched my grandaughters go thru' this same thing too.
And daughters REALLY put the screws on mom too.

The son starts it about 17. Oh my. Unbelieveable. LOL
Keep your chin up.
Hey, you might want to develope some hobbys of your own.
Those kids are gonna leave one of these days anyway.
I understand how you've been feeling. Oh my, did I ever feel left out!
I was a single mom during there teen years.
When my son was 17 he wanted to move out. I said "no", you are not ready yet".
He said to me: "you might as well get married , Mom, because I can't baby-sit you the rest of my life!".
Now that is very humorous to me. Because he is 56 years old and his son and daughters are all grown up ....... and he has paid for his raising. LOL
You'll be okay.
Your daughter will be asking your advice for sure before long. Just give her some space right now.
But also some good guidance.
Hang in there.
MaryJane

I do not have a son that is at that stage yet but I do have your daughters point of view. I was close to my father and I did the same thing at that age but I NEVER stopped needing my dad. She will always need you just because she does not show it at this stage in her life she will always be a daddys girl. I am 24 and call my dad all the time. We are very close. Please understand your daughter needs this space right now. She is begginning to get hormones and getting older. She also needs to know her dad will always be there for her. I agree with the above comment use this time to do something you love and enjoy it.
You will get through this and you and your daughter will laugh about it one day. I promise she really does love you!!!!!!

Seth? Can you tell us why you feel you need to "go away"? And why you are asking god to "take you"? I know the obvious reason is your daughters attitude but it sounds a whole lot more like major depression to me? Is this a possibility? You also say that you believe your daughter sees you as a failure. Why do you feel that she sees you this way? Is this opinion distorted? Is it because you are viewing yourself as a failure? And how would your daughter feel if god did take you? It sounds like from your past father daughter talks that she values you and your opinions very much. This in itself is huge because during her formative years she had a solid parent to rely on and still does so she has her self esteem in tact to explore the world, not many kids get that anymore. So pat yourself on the back here. Did the anxiety come about after that time in your life when things were great between you? The other thing I think is so wonderful about this forum is that you can really pour your feelings out here and no one judges you. In fact it sounds like several others are or have been right where you are now. If you looked at this from a more positive point of view would you really want your daughter as attached to you now as when she was younger. It sounds like she is a very emotionally stable normal 13 year old that is rebelling a little against her father in order to gain her independence that she will need in life to stand up on her own two feet. It also sounds like you have given her this wonderful gift of independence and freedom within the confines of a loving father daughter relationship. How could you possibly be a failure. Even if (and I know it is not) this was your only accomplishment in life at this point, you should be patting yourself on the back and saying, "Wow", I have done a great job here. I am raising an independent woman who has her own opinions and ideas and is not afraid to step out there and voice them. This is huge and especially when there are many people that fear they have transposed there own anxieties onto their children. You certainly have not and you need to be proud of that alone. Are you on any medication for depression? What a huge difference this makes in a persons life who is depressed. If you cannot wait until god takes you, maybe you could go to the doctor and get on some medication while you are waiting. This is no joke here. It sounds like your daughter needs you even if she is not telling you all the time. I am not trying to be smart here. I just want you to see your situation from an unbiased point of view. Your post to me is a serious one and it sounds like you are reaching out for help here. The fact that you have a beautiful 13 year old daughter is an accomplishment in itself. You have a wonderful 13 year old daughter, keep saying that to yourself over and over again. Again that in itself is huge, huge, huge. The fact that you care so much about her is also a huge accomplishment when some parents would be grateful that she is becoming independent and cannot wait until she is out f the house. You are a very involved caring, loving parent who is genuinely concerned about your daughters feelings. What a great job you have done from the sounds of your post. But if you feel like it you can send me a private message and we can talk. Sometimes just talking is all that is needed to see a situation from a different point of view. Maybe your thinking is distorted right now and having another point of view might help you see the forest for the trees.
Take care and please keep posting. We all really care about you and want to help any way we can.

hi i'm karlie
i'm 17 and i did similar things when i was 13-15 i pulled away from my parents
trust me its not you she is just pulling away to try and find herself, test the waters and see what she can handle on her own
this is actually a sign of good parenting, slight rebelliousness is just showing you that you have raised her to have a mind of her own and shes trying to form her own opinions, morals and ideals, you sound like you gave her a great foundation. i believe she will be fine
this wont last forever it might take some time though but once she has found herself she will go right back to you and her mother(if she is present...if not i'm sorry i brought it up)
all i can say is keep her away from drugs, don't hold her back, remind her of the importance of school, and let her do some stupid things now, make some of her mistakes while she is young enough to not impact the rest of her life , probably the thing i am most grateful now for my mother doing for me