It is so hard to be a mom with panic/agoraphobia and to give your child everything they need as far as activities go. My daughter will be 7 years old in a couple of months. Of course school will be out for the summer in a couple of weeks. I am dreading it, because I feel so pressured to take her places and guilty when I don't. I feel like a horrible mother, and I worry about her development. There are no other children nearby for her to play with.

I am so worried about this that I have an appointment with a psychiatrist this month who has a program that sounds similar to the Attacking Anxiety Program. I think I need the benefit of a live person to help me work through this. I have tried many therapists and they are pretty worthless.

I want to get past this condition for my kids' sake (I also have 2 older children).

I guess I am just looking for a little encouragement or words of advice from anyone who has gone through this with their kids.

Thanks so much!

Hi Kat,

I too have panic/agoraphobia with a 10 year old son and I am also worried about the summer as well. I started seeing a therapist 6 weeks ago and he has helped me enormously. I believe there are psychologists/psychiatrists who are really good and then there are those that aren't so great. With Lucinda's program, my therapist's support and also my family's support I have been able to work through some of my issues that have caused me to become anxious and agoraphobic. In my heart, I believe that there is an underlying issue that causes us to become anxious but I am sure there are others that just feel it happens for no reason. My therapist told me that sometimes there really isn't any reason and it just "happens". With me, there are definitely some issues and I purchased the workbook "The Agoraphobia Workbook" by C. Alec Pollard, Ph.D. So far, it has given me such insight and has helped me to leave the house, go drive to the store (10 minutes away), able to stay inside the store for about 15 minutes ALONE, and I have been walking at our park just minutes from our home.

My big concern is when my son is finished with school and wanting to go to the pool in the afternoons. I am not sure how I will handle it but I have been trying to give myself positive talk so that when June comes, I will be able to at least get there and hopefully enjoy myself.

I can completely understand the feelings of guilt but you will get better and you will be able to enjoy the summer with your children. I have faith in you!!! Don't let this disorder beat you~

The only advice I can give you at this point is to stop worrying about school letting out and work on your positive thoughts. It definitely isn't easy because I still have trouble first thing in the morning being alone with my son when my husband first leaves for work but each day gets easier and easier.

If you need some extra encouragement, please feel free to email me at CHERIELSMITH@COMCAST.NET and we can help each other out this summer.

Good luck.
Cherie

Hey Cautious,

You are not alone. I suffered from agoraphobia a few years ago. You will get past this - for your sake, and your children's. Just keep working on it. Pursue all avenues, whether it be a psychiatrist, therapist, self-help books, meds, etc. I think a book on self-talk would be helpful. When we believe negative things, they become true. A book I would suggest would be Shad Helmstetters (sp?),"What to say when you talk to yourself". When we catch ourselves saying negative things or thinking negative thoughts and counteract them with positive thoughts, our outlook becomes so much brighter. We also start to believe the positive thoughts.

Your summer could end up being the best summer of your life. Your psychiatrist might be just the answer you are looking for. Enjoy those summer outings!

Nikki

Hey Cherie and Nikki,

Thank you so much for the encouragement. It really is so good to hear from other people with the same problems. It is such a lonely condition that we try to hide in order to protect ourselves from embarrassment.

Sometimes I have the awful thought that I wish my daughter could just be older so that I wouldn't have to do all these things with her, but I know that I would be much worse off if I didn't have the kids (2 of them are teenagers) to keep me going and getting out of the house. Most of the time I can get my husband or my mom to come with me. They are really good enablers. It is just so hard when there are activities at my daughter's elementary school and I feel like I want to make excuses why I can't go. Field trips really send me into major anticipatory anxiety!! I have done classroom things fairly well. It is when there are a lot of people around or the event is lasting too long.

I agree with you, Cherie, that there are underlying issues. Mine started in childhood growing up with an alcoholic, and feeling very insecure about the stability of my household. I feel my real fear is abandonment. I was always afraid my dad would drive drunk and get into a crash and both my parents would be killed. I was afraid of being left without parents. I have carried that over into my marriage.

I am hopeful that this psychiatrist I am going to on the 15th will be what I need. Cherie, I will take you up on the offer of e-mailing each other. What a great support that would be.

Nikki- you are exactly right about the self-talk. I KNOW that I do that. I am really good at that. I have done it all my life. Hard to break. Thanks for your warm response

Kat