I really need some encouragement here. The daughter that ran away last February after manufacturing a crisis to support her claims, continues to walk her destructive path bludgeoning all those she is angry with as she passes. Specifically me. It has come to the point that I have had to completely cut her off from me for the 2nd time in a year to protect myself from her violent verbal and attitudinally hateful attacks. This time she has gone so far as to take a couple of my emails to her and paste them onto her diary in one of those diary websites and has broadcast for the entire world what goes on between her and I. She is honestly convinced that I am mentally ill as do a handful of others who know us who watched me go through that struggle for my sanity last June. What none of them realize is that I learned alot with that. I remember every moment of that horrid time and even now catch the same TYPE of thoughts trying to to lodge themselves in my mind. I quickly recognize it and shortcircuit it and make a point of steering clear of all that would trigger that sort of thing again. However. They think it a brain chemical imbalance that could strike again at anytime and therefore needs meds. Taking precautions is wise and I plan to do that. However, what I am registering right now is my horror that I seem to have bred a monster. I think that unresolved bitterness is at the root of all her behaviors and that she is doing all she possibly can to get back at me. I have sworn to myself that I will try to actually have a real relationship with her as she goes through life as that was not something I was given myself as a daughter. However, how does one relate to a monster? I have no clue. So, for now, I am not even going to try. There is one person who knows about my daughter who has said that now is not the time to try to heal wounds. I do believe she is right. We need a few more years here. My God give me grace.

Hi catspurr
I feel so sorry that you are going through this terrible time with your daughter. The trouble is that being an anxious person you will tend to perhaps think too deeply and analyse the situation a bit too much trying to put all the blame on yourself which just isn't fair. Obviously your daughter knows your personality and does things which she knows will upset you. She can't feel very good about herself. Does she have many friends? Perhaps you could talk to one of them?

If you can do anything, then stop feeling so guilty - guilt is a worthless emotion.

I'm sorry, Catspurr, for the difficult time you are having. I would be homeless if my wife had given up on me and I could have possibly even tried to take my life if my son had not forgiven me for mistakes I made while he was still at home. I know that I may remind you of your ex, but I am not your ex. I don't think you are mentally ill. I have been on a psychiatric ward twice in my life and there was really nothing wrong with me other than I needed a lot of unconditional love, self esteem, and self confidence.

I would encourage you to stay with the exercise because you do enjoy it, because it does bring you good feelings and helps you feel good about yourself. For me, it can make up for a lot of negative stuff. You can get through this time, just be easy on yourself. Beating ourselves up only helps us dig our way into a deep hole of depression. It is self destructive. Please hang in there and keep posting. We do care about you.