My daughter was away for 2 weeks visiting her biological father. She is 4 years old, we have been divorced since she was almost 2. This was the first trip where I wasn't worried about the quality of care that he would give her, because he has really come around this last year. Needless to say, I REALLY enjoyed my "time off". My hubby travels half of the year, and he was home for the first week of my daughter's trip, and it was so nice to have a conversation with him without "look at me, look at me!!" Other things were nice to do too, without worrying about any little person waking up and coming in...

Then my hubby left for a long weekend, and I was all alone. For the first time, I LOVED the solitude. I couldn't get enough. I stayed in my pjs all day Saturday and oh my gosh, was it nice to only have to think about myself and what I wanted to do next and not be interrupted.

So everyone came home last night. I was so happy to see my baby and my hubby. But then, when it came time to sleep, I couldn't. Every time I would begin to nod off, I woke up gasping, like I must've forgotten to breathe for a minute. I would lay there, give myself positive affirmations, and be ok, and then when I just fell asleep...*gasp*. So I got out of bed, because this was just too frustrating, and was up almost all night. I journaled a bit, and found myself crying like a baby.

I must be the most selfish person in the world. Here I have a wonderful family, and somehow their presence was bugging me. I really need to find a way to "roll" better with changes, because our lives are never stable. My hubby is here and gone and gone and here, and there is no schedule to it, and he's gone half the year, and I feel a lot of anxiety around his departures and returns. And I'm sure I will settle back into the routine of being a mom, but I can't help but just shake my finger at myself for being so selfish. I am ashamed of myself, depressed about the whole thing. But between working from 9-6 and serving my family, I feel so lost sometimes. I love them and I love it, so I don't know why it is this way.

If anyone out there has any answers or similar experiences, or techniques to keep the gaspy thing away...I would love to hear about it.

With gratitude for your time,
Rebecca

{{{Becca}}}

I just happened to pop on here before class and had to respond to you.

Please do not ever think you are selfish. You are not. You are so giving here to us on the forums, I cannot imagine how big your heart is at home with your family. Please be a little kinder to yourself. It is hard with the constant changes of her and not here, back and forth, it would cause anxiety, make even good anxiety that you have your family all together and are enjoying them. You also are working, bringing home the bread and taking care of them home. You need a break, you need to out your feet up and relax, you need to take care of yourself, there is nothing wrong in doing do. When you feel rested and well, you emulate that out to your family. Life seems less stressful and things look a little bit brighter.

The gasping for air, just take deep breathes. It helped me to lay on my side instead of my back too when that happened. Try not to think about it, if it will happen, when will it happen, how long will it last. Just let if happen and tell yourself you are OK and this is no big deal.

I hope this helps sweetie! You are a wonderful mother, wife and friend. Give yourself a pat on the back and a great big hug. You are doing a GREAT job Becca!

Love and Hugs, LizB

Becca I at times feel selfish to because when my children go to school I feel a relief like wow I have all this time to myself, and the same when my husband goes to work...but when they all come home it's like here we go the hustle and flow of homework and dinner and baths and bedtime and then im pooped, but would I ever give it up? Of course not because like you im a very loving mother a good wife, and I have needs just like everyone else in the house does! Being a mother and a wife is a difficult job, and then you work to....I don't think I could handle working and taking care of a family, so pat yourself on the back, you are doing a great job!

Thanks for your words Chatter, Liz and Grateful. I really need to find a way to make these transitions easier on myself, but still have no idea how. It's good to know it's not wacky, though. My hubby, as supportive as he is, thinks I am creating needless worry. Maybe so, but I am without a clue as to how to stop it. Oh well.

I know I sound pathetic, and I am not really that pitiful...just thinking hard.

Thanks again,
Rebecca

hi becca, you are so not selfish, you needed that time and I bet it felt great. I know what you mean 100%. So many people's spouses travel and everyone sayd the same thing, either it is okay when they are home, staying put or its okay when they are gone, staying put, but when they come back, it is chaos, because they are not around for the routines that have taken place.
Maybe what you could do for the day before your husband comes home for a trip and before he leaves for one, get a babysitter and go do something alone, maybe a massage, shopping, anything but fo you because you know when he is gone, it is so crazy and then when he returns it gets crazy again. I would get in the routine to do something for you before he leaves and right when he comes back, because you need that revitalization before and after. Being a mom is so hard, we are the least selfish people there are, because moms do a ton of things for the kids, the house, the husband. You deserve that special time for yourself, you earned it! Don't feel bad at all about it!

Thanks for the ideas, Kristen. It is good to know there are others out there with the same concerns.

Unfortunately, it probably won't work. He comes and goes so often that I would be "treating" myself every week and I just don't have time/money for that. For example, he just got back Monday afternoon from a trip, and he left again last night, and then he will return Saturday night. Maybe during his longer trips I can treat myself to something.

Thanks again for the ideas.
Rebecca