From what I know anxiety is not inherited it's a learned behavior, so I worry about my children picking up on my anxiety, and would really hate to have them going through what im going through, any suggestions on how to parent a child when you are going through this, I have two boys 5 and 10. Just anytime they act up or get emotional I worry that im rubbing off on them, and that is the last thing that I want!

HEY GIRL--

I WORRY ABOUT THE SAME THING WITH MY TWO KIDS...KARISA I CAN SEE IT ALREADY!! I THINK YOU ARE A GREAT MOTHER...YOU DO A WONDERFUL JOB WITH THE BOYS!!

I AGREE THOUGH, IT IS A CONCERN FOR ME AS WELL...BUT MAYBE SOMEONE OUT THERE HAS SOME SUGGESTIONS FOR US!!

TAKE CARE GIRL, TALK TO YOU SOON!!!!

Hi chatterbox: I did not have this anxiety until my boys were 10. I did have very obsessive behavior around the house. I have noticed my grown boys do too. One time my one son, got real sick with Mononeucleosis & even Hospitalized. He got a fear of vomiting from it all. Don't know why. A Real Phobia. Thankfully he out-grew it. So, I do see a bit of obsessive behavior in my twins, but no anxiety at all. They are very calm young men. And have not experienced much stress thus far.
Lets all try not to worry about things that we have no control over. We have enough on our worry list..

A comfort is that you can pass on what you are learning to your children and whatever level of anxiety they may have you can help them have the tools to handle it and get good at it while they're young. My kids are learning how to be assertive, they know what it means to "take a deep breath from the tummy" and to replace negative thoughts with positive ones-- i wish someone had known to see the signs in me and help me when i was a kid. So, please believe that one of the "hidden blessings" in this is that you can help your kids be emotionally strong!

Dear Chatterbox,
All I can say is that anxiety is unfortunately also hereditary to some degree. We are born with a certain disposition and that has something to do with the way we handle stress. Who we are raised around and the life experiences we have also come into play. Lucinda's tapes talk more about the personality traits of people who suffer from this. They will notice your feelings of anxiety. But you can't let that get you down. All you can do is explain to them in the best way that you can what you are going through and how you are trying to make changes in your life to reduce the stress. I would speak to a psychologist about how to go about doing this. I have a young child and I am suffering from anxiety. He is too little to understand now but I know he can feel the energy that is around him. It is tough but I know that things will get better. I have been through this program once before 10 years ago and knocked all this stress. I know I can do it again and so will you. Keep a positive outlook. Let your mind rest about this one and focus on healing yourself.

I agree with Leo that certain people are predisposed to anxiety and depression via their family genes, and I believe it can also be learned. Everyone in my family has issues with anxiety to varying degrees, and I am seeing it already in my six-year-old son. Fortunately, I knew before he was even born that he would likely end up with the personality traits that would predispose him to obsessive worrying, so I've been keeping an eye out for signs of anxiety. At this point, he worries about a lot of things most kids don't think twice about, and I think it has more to do with his personality (sensitive, compassionate, intelligent, creative, shy) than anything he's picked up from watching me. Fortunately, so far it hasn't interfered with school or social activities. I'm teaching him the skills I've learned from the Attacking Anxiety program, and it seems to help. I think he would be a lot worse if I hadn't been aware of this condition. I've also given his teacher and the school counselor a "heads up" on it in case he has a panic attack at school and they can't figure out why he's so upset. I'm very careful when I am with him not to make a big deal out of things so he doesn't pick up additional worries from me. I hate to fly, but I have always pretended I enjoy it, and so far, he loves flying. My sister, on the other hand, has not hid her anxiety of flying from her 12-year-old son, and he is so afraid to fly now that he is refusing to go on a trip with them to Arizona for spring break, saying he'd rather stay with his grandparents for the week and let my sister and BIL go without him. So, fears can definitely be "learned." On the other hand, I don't think it's wise to shelter them TOO much because then they run the risk of not knowing how to handle stressful situations which are inevitably going to crop up throughout their lives. They need to know that everyone feels scared at times and that it's okay, and they need to learn the skills to deal with it.

Your boys' behavior is probably more a result of their personality traits than anything they learned from you, and you can teach them how to make the most of those traits and use them to their advantage. You can show them how to turn a negative situation into a positive one, how to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts, and how to choose their reactions. I find that in teaching these skills to my son, it forces me to practice them myself.

Jen

I have read that anxiety is or can be both hereditary and environmental. My old Psychologist told me the same thing. I do believe that in my own personal case that my anxiety has resulted from genes and environment.

Unfortunately my mother was a serious worrier and was WAY too over protective. (So was my dad's mom) I mean she worried about EVERYTHING. EX: Carrie did you lock the door to your car? You know carjackers look for open doors, you wouldn't want to find one in the back seat of your car. You know you should carry your keys in your fist with all the keys pointing out, incase someone would come after your, you could fend them off. ETC. You all get the picture.

Well this is what I have learned. Parents usually do their absolute best to raise their children. They want to protect them from the hurts and negative things they experienced while growing up.

You know what I have found, in my particular case? My mom was just trying to keep me from experiencing pain and fear that she had experienced. (She was date raped as a teen, and didn't have the family support she needed to be able to talk about it) So she kept it inside. Vowing that her kids would never go through anything like that.

Did I know that as a child? No. Did I need to know that? No. But was I affected by something that had happened to her years ago? YES. Were my siblings affected? Somewhat I guess, but they weren't/aren't as sensitive as I am!

Now that I know why my mom worried the way she did, I am better able to understand the why's behind what she did/does. I am fortunate enough to have never experienced what she went through.

On the other hand though, I have an older sister and a younger brother, and neither one of them have problems with anxiety. All 3 of us were raised in the same house, same parents etc. But I was the one who was evidentally predieposed to anxiety. So, I guess what I am trying to say is don't worry how your kids will turn out. Just do the best you can with them, and with teaching them postivive behaviors.

When they are grown up, they will remember what a great Mom or Dad you were to them.

I CAN RELATE....i'm a single mom with a mom with a history of depressionj... and then i got a daughter...one of my greatest fears...is that she might end up like me....she might go through with the same experiences like me....i mean what i'm going through ryt now...i would't even want it to be experienced by the meanest people in my life...what more your daughter....bhut you can't help but be scared and at the same time try to have faith on her intelligience4... that maybe she won't bew like me...she won't be like us....does anyone know how it feels like when you even have to protect your baybe even from yourself? when you promised yourself that you'll stay with her all through out.....that she'll never be alone...but iot feels like you don't have any choice....but you8 still feel guilty....that you've somehow abonden her...that maybe youre just being selfish....then you feel that guilt...and the fears...

Hello everyone!
I have a seven year old daughter who is showing signs of anxiety. She won't stay with anyone but my mother and will not participate in activities with other children she is not comfortable with. I feel so guilty that maybe I caused this in some way. That my own anxiety has rubbed off. I feel so bad and scared about this. Maybe I sheltered her too much. Maybe I should have made her stay with sitters when she was younger? I don't know, but now I'm trying to work on this with her. Its hard working on your own anxiety as well as someone elses. How do you explain to a seven year old that she has to face her fears when you're trying to as well?

yes that is my biggest thing....how do you help your children face their fears when you are facing fears of your own...the other day I had my 5 year old say to my husband that mommy takes medicine when he makes me mad....boy was that a blow! When you think that they don't know what is going on....they really do. Thank you all for your replies it has definitly opened my eyes to some things.

Hello Karen
I wish babies came with parenting manuals, and it showed us how to take care of our kids until they were 18, and ready to go out on their own. Unfortionatly we have to figure things out as we go along, and that's also dealing with our anxieties, it's one day at a time. I'm hoping that my kids see how I have anxiety, and how I try to take care of my anxiety, and so when it's their turn, they will try to help themselves also. I told them both if you want to do the program with me, I'll share! Right now they both aren't interested in this program, but I'll keep on trying, and maybe someday? Take care, Elisa

Hi Elisa! Long time no talk, I hope you are doing good! yeah I wish children did come with a manuel but....they don't. What I did think to do was start playing my tapes on a tape player instead of listening on headphones, so then atleast my older one will hear them without actually knowing what im up to, and then maybe some of it will rub off, and he will have a better understanding of what im going through, maybe you could give that a go! Take Care

Hola Karen
That's a very good idea! I have to remember to do that also, but my kids would say"turn that down!" But as least I'll try How have you been? My life has been interesting I'm having struggles(giving me tons of anxiety) with my daughter cutting herself, she's getting worse, and the cuts are getting deeper. We put her on new meds, so maybe this will help. We've been going to family consouling weekly, so I hope this is helping her? I'm just frustrated, but trying to stay positive Take care! Elisa

Hey everyone,
I have been doin' the program off and on since October, I went pretty strong for a while, but the holidays, bogged me down, but I did listen to the expectations part during the christmas season, I noticed how smooth, it went. I'm saying this to reference the children topic, my 2 boys. 6 & 9, seemed to be happier, without Mommy freakin out whether they got enough as the neighbor, we spent less and I worried less and they seemed very appreciative of hte calmness in me...I just chose to lower my expectations and go wtih the flow, my dearest husband noticed too. I think if you know that you are working on getting better, there is certain grace involved and with the encouragement of the program I know this junk can stop with me, although I know that they will deal with their own stress, I now will have tools to help them through and hopefully I will be a big testimony.....I'm working on the anger part now and I experiencing the test of it all the way. My littlest is alot like me outward and can be explosive, while the oldest is more inward, this is a big motivator for me to get through....I hope I've encouraged some of you, I've read through through the post and this is a great concern and it is good to know I am not alone!!!

Hi, I'm new and getting used to posting my thoughts. I'm at the point now, of worrying whether I need a "professional" mainly because of my children. I think my youngest 13 is keenly aware of my anxiety and actually has suggested that I get help because I worry too much. Has anyone a success story without "professional" help?