Hi everyone,
You may recall a recent post I made about really wanting to become a parent despite chronic anxiety issues. Well, as much as I hate to admit it, I suppose I put the cart before the horse, as another issue that will need to be resolved first has come to light for me, and is weighing on me heavily.
I also posted before about my husband and his not being happy with his newspaper job. Well, he finally quit that and began work at a factory, because it was the only job avaiable in our small, rural town (and had decent pay, regular hours and benefits). Despite this, however, he said he hates this new job only slightly less than his previous job.
Plus, we have issues regarding intimacy. For whatever reason, I am scared to consumate things, even though we've been married for 15 months (we were both virgins beforehand). It's not that I don't trust my husband, and I was never abused, but I never dated anyone in my adolescent years and so I guess I don't have a healthy sense of my desirability (even though he insists that he sees me as desirable). I guess I just lack confidence and look at resolving this as a "major step." Plus, my anxiety has basically wiped out any libido I might have had.
Understandably, my husband is getting impatient. He is always asking me to do things and says "I don't know how much longer I can wait." He knows about my anxiety issues and knows I am committed to getting past this issue of intimacy. Yet, I think part of my worries stem from his being so unhappy, mainly with work. We're both always exhausted, and feel like we're in a rut, like we're running in circles and elements of our lives (mainly jobs and overall lack of income, at least compared to many people) are less than ideal. He brings his work frustrations home and constantly pines after a former journalism job he had in the town in which we now live (it was his ideal job, and now someone works it who is retirement age but won't give it up, and only does a half-decent job at that-this drives my husband crazy, because he knows he would do a much better job, yet his former boss is apparently afraid or unwilling to get rid of this other guy)...so, in short, these sort of everyday frustrations seem to impact my overall anxiety and make it worse. This in turn, further diminishes any desire I might have had.
In many ways, my husband is my ideal match: Attractive, understanding, empathetic, sweet, good with children, devoted to his parents and siblings, just an overall great person. I can't really explain my lack of desire other than to think that it comes in part from my lack of overall confidence combined with his constant stress. The other night, he was complaining about how things aren't happening, and while I don't remember specfically what it was he said, I started crying. He immediately was apologetic and said he should stop being so impatient, but the guy has put in more patience than most men would in a similar situation. I just felt so guilty about letting him down like this. I don't want this to be an insurmountable barrier, and yet, it's the one real problem issue in an otherwise wonderful relationship, and it's a significant one.
I wonder if anyone else has dealt with similiar issues and how you've resolved things. Sometimes, I feel as though if I were just to do it, maybe I would realize my fears were unfounded. I don't really know what's holding me back, but it's like the longer I hold back, the harder it becomes.

What I found that worked for me was to take some date time and play together, a time out from the daily struggles. Use the Relaxation Tape 2x daily, read the Carry-a-Long Cards, drink lots of water, eliminate caffeine and sugar from your diet, add some form of exercise and you might find yourself feeling less emotionally vulnurable.

For what it's worth, I have the anxiety as all but killed my interest in that dept. Also, is it possible you're afraid because you might get pregnant? You're putting alot of pressure on yourself. Relaxation is very important to all of us who suffer from anxiety. Purrrfect has some good advice. I would also shelve the baby idea until you feel stronger. I love my babies but they are also alot of work (and another source of anxiety)...Good luck