Hi everyone,

So, my sister-in-law, who is a year older than me, and her husband just had their first child, a daughter, about a month ago. We went to visit them when she was 2 weeks old and, since then, I have developed an extreme longing to have a baby.
I'm 30 years old and in good health, except for GAD and depression. Currently, I'm not in treatment, though I do want to start psychotherapy soon to learn to effectively deal with my feelings. Though I'd rather not go the medication route, I would if need be.
Another issue I'm dealing with is that I'm scared about the physical reality of giving birth. Medical issues in general scare me. I think this is partly due to the fact that I was born premature (1 Ib. 15 oz.) and spent the first three months of my life in the hospital. Every year on my birthday, my mom, who is an anxious personality herself, reminds me that "I remember what I was doing 30 years ago"...this year, she told me that there had been a severe thunderstorm a day or so after I was born. My mother and I were in separate (but adjoining) clinics (she had a fever and so could not see me for six days until she got over it)...anyway, she told me she had called the nurse at the ICU and asked what would happen if the electricity would go out...she was afraid I might die (of course, hospitals have back-up generators).
Also, the story of my perilous beginnings on this earth got published in a book featuring contributions by mothers of preemie babies (this was published about 10 years ago). At the time, my mom went back to her old journals chronicling my birth and wrote a draft longhand, and then she asked ME to type it for her! Well, let's just say that in the first paragraph I had a panic attack and couldn't continue (because I was identifying so strongly with her narrative)...finally, the next day, I managed to get through it and finish it for her. While I had heard the story of my birth in snippets before, this was the first time I had read it as it happened, step by step.
So, this is the kind of stuff I have to deal with as I approach the reality of motherhood. My husband is 35 and I just turned 30, so while we still have some years left, I'd like to try and get over these issues and try to have a child within the next year or two.
I'm just wondering how those of you who are moms and have anxiety have overcome this. My sister, incidentally (who does not have anxiety) tried hypnobirthing and was very successful at it--the nurse told her with each of her two kids it was the most relaxed births she had seen and if you just happened to walk by the delivery room, you wouldn't even neccesarily know she was in labor). I'd like to try that, but wonder if I could even relax enough to get into that hypnotized state!
Also, I'd like to adopt someday, and am wondering about trying that first so in the meantime I can work out my issues of actually carrying a baby.
Right now, my anxiety seems like an insurmountable obstacle to being a parent, however. I just wondered what you did to relax yourselves.
Thanks for your help.

Hi Flaxenfire~

Don't know if this will be helpful at all, but thought I'd reply. First off, I think you are very wise to have a good handle on your anxiety before giving birth . I respect that a lot!

For me personally, I also have GAD and my anxiety did not develop until after the birth of my first child 7 years ago. From the time she was about 3 months old, up until this day I have had extreme anxiety with ocd tendencies). (Now, I should point out that I have had 4 more after her~ the last being a set of triplets, which totally threw me for a loop and this all obviously impacts my level of anxiety).

I am currently taking prozac and going to counseling to deal with this. One thing I would recommend to any new parent that experiences anxiety~ is to deal with it right away. I DID NOT do this. I pushed a lot back and now it's all coming out! Anyway.... since you already know you have anxiety, you are one step ahead. I didn't know what was happening to me after she was born! You can have a plan in place BEFORE your child arrives and I think that would be extremely helpful. I would work with a therapist ahead of time, and talk about what may happen with your anxiety when a baby comes into your family. Being prepared ahead I think is half the battle.

One day, when I get on the other side of this, I REALLY want to help people and raise awarness for post partum illness.

Hope this was somehow helpful. GL in your decicions! Again, I think your really wise to be getting prepared ahead of time!

Wow... I can't hardly believe that I get the opportunity to share with you the experience of pregnancy / childbirth when I was 30 years old (back in the year 2000) and coming straight out of an 18 month 'bipolar' spell. My pregnancy was the BEST TIME OF MY LIFE!!!

I had just spent 18 months working my self NON-STOP, as in, measuring my sleep in hours per week and dedicating every ounce of my mental /physical energy on my (SUPER high-pressure federal gov't) job. And after dating a fellow for 3+ years I found myself pregnant...

EVERY fear I ever had about becoming a life-long mother came to bear instantly!!! And the first person I reached out to gave me a pair of hand knitted baby booties. Talk about crying!!! I was completely overwhelmed with JOY, the feeling of experiencing a MIRACLE

My natural depression / anxiety feelings were simply absent from that moment on... and it lasted until my father was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago (RIP 2005).

I'll NEVER forget how happy I was being pregnant. I drank milk, took pre-natal vitamins, got up-to-speed on infant care, ate food ALL THE TIME, and so on. I couldn't care less about what people thought of me... It was as if every fear I ever had was just blanked out of my mind. I was HAPPY!! I often refer to that time of my life as being drunk on "Happy Mommy Juice"

Considering the fact that you're in a marraige, then the support of having a husband ought to be a GOOD thing I didn't have that... and that was good for me, as I didn't have the energy to 'take care' of a baby along with another adult... haa haaaaaa.... men can be babies sometimes!!! (no offense)

But adopting a child is NOT THE SAME as going through the experience of bringing your own flesh and blood into this world. And go natural!!! Shoot... drugs during delivery were just a crappy experience... blahhhh... As long as I'm going to have to experience PAIN, bring it on without making me feel dizzy, drowsy, or incapable of having a sip of champagne when it's over!!!

Motherhood is the most awesome, special, and YES I CAN DO IT feeling EVER!!! Depression comes and goes, but being a mother is a BLESSING FOR LIFE!!

I'm 37 now and have finally, I think, overcome my fear of having a husband!! ha haaaa... My 6 year old son has been asking for a little sister for a few years now and I'm not quite sure how to share the ANXIETY those innocent requests made me feel ...

Let's just say that I've made myself available and actively participate in my friends upbrining of baby girls. It's given me the opportunity to practice!!! No more fear of bringing a baby GIRL into the world for me

Flaxen - in the program one of the main points is to ask yourself "What am I anxious about?" and "Is it normal to be anxious about it?"

Now, let me tell you - deciding to have kids is prob one of the most anxiety provoking dilemas you will ever ponder! But, which is also in the program, its a good kind of anxiety - like marriage, moving to a new house, etc. It is a big leap, but it is such an exciting and the most rewarding thing I have ever done. I had anxiety before I got pregnant, but took Zoloft and dealt with it. Went off of Zoloft to get pregnant and didn't have any anxiety at all during pregnancy aside from the normal questions and excitement associated with it. I did after the birth of both of my kids have postpartum depression and anxiety and took Zoloft again, which helped. I would advise if after you have the baby (and you will :-) ) you talk with your doc about anxiety tendencies you have so that you can meet them head on. Don't wait too long like a couple of us did, because then you get in a real mess. I guess what I'm saying is that with a supportive husband and physician, you can address your anxiety beforehand and learn how to deal before you get pregnant and deliver. It is worth it - children are God's greatest gift and I really feel like I didn't live a day before I had kids - they are the best!

Hi! Relating to your late-in-life desire to have children, and your concerns about adoption..I will tell you that adopting first and then trying for a "natural" pregnancy later is not a wise idea. You are already at a late stage to consider pregnancy. For many women, pregnancy after thirty-five is not possible. If you know for sure that you would like a genetic, biological child, go for it now and look forward to an amazing experience. It isn't easy, it isn't always comfortable or "romantic" and there are no garauntees,,,ever! It is natural, it is wild, and god-given and it is part of our design. If your heart is in it, your husband wants it,,,go for it. None of us have a promise that it will be easy, pretty comfortable or without exceptions or disappointments. I thought with my build and stamina that childbirth would be a breeze. even at thirty-nine! Boy, was I wrong! Do I regret it? NO way! Would I wish it different? Yup! Oh well! I have a gorgeous daughter who is bright and funny, a better singer than I ever was and has ADD to beat the band! She struggles and so do I and I thank God that I have her and her father to share life with. Her twin brothers were a gift of modern technology and again, that pregnancy was the best I EVER felt in my whole life! I loved being pregnant..but that is different for everyone too! You are a special being and your experience will be different from mine and everyone else's. I hope that you will be able to have the child you long for. Whether it comes to you from your body or the body of another, you will be blessed by the experience. There are hard births and easy ones. There are difficult children and children who seem to come into our lives like the sweet fragrance of wysteria, blessing us with joy and pride. You just never know! Think it over carefully and do what is right for you and your husband. Remember, children join YOU! Not the other way 'round. Phoebe