over a 22 year old son who has anxiety/co-depression and against pharmacologic drugs. Bought Lucinda's self-help program over six months ago, but he has not put it to use. Tried other avenues such as a herbalist, bought numerous self-help books, etc. to give him the tools to try and come out of this on his own. Seems like he's at a bottomless pit and cannot see the sunlight. Is there anyone out there that can give me some advice on how it is that I keep my own sanity? This is very heart wrenching for me as I feel helpless!

Char,
Of course its heartwrenching, this is your son. Is he ready to try to get better? Is he interested in getting help? Did he ask for help?
Im a mom to, and my son was addicted to prescription meds, i tried everything to, and tore myself up inside cause i couldnt help him, and felt unable to do anything for him. But it has to be HIS decision to want to get better and put forth an effort to do something for HIMSELF!!! As moms our intentions are always good and done with love, but for for each of us, we have to come to the point that we KNOW an ASK for help. Dont beat yourslef up, there is no point in that. Let your son come to you. Hope this helps, your son will be in my prayersNELLY

Thanks Nelly. I can't reply in full right now. Tomorrow.

Hi Nelly and thanks so much for your prayers. No, he himself has not actually come to me, but vice versa. I'm the one that always has to start "the" conversation. He does admit however that he doesn't like how he feels and, he really doesn't know what's going on or, why he feels the way he feels. He very very rarely will go out of the house and, at one point, admitted to thinking of taking his life. He just doesn't seem to have any kind of motivation whatsoever. Has a very difficult time sleeping at night and then sleeps all day. I work but when I get home and on the weekends, I try to get him to do things, take walks to get fresh air, etc. He knows that he needs to be active doing SOMETHING, but just doesn't seem to be able to get started. As of last week, I noticed that he's listening to Lucinda's "relaxation" tape and is reading a book that I got him. At this point, I think I'll leave him alone for a while and see if he makes any progress. If not, I don't know what I'll do, but like you said - he needs to want to get better and I believe he knows this, but he's having a very very difficult time coming up from way way down below. If anyone else out there has any suggestions to help "me" cope, I would certainly appreciate same. I'm making myself sick!

Char, First of all give yourself some credit. You are doing everything you can think of to help...so relax your mind, be proud of yourself for that. Second, I definitely know what your son is going through. I have suffered since grade school with Anxiety/Depression. I'm 38 now and really just found a lot of my answers within this past year I remember thinking what the H*** is going on with me why do I think the way I do, why can't I do the things I want to do etc. Your son is 22 and you said he is starting to read a book that you got him along with the relaxation tape. Good! That is a start. He will start putting the puzzle together that has baffled him for who knows how long. Your doing "what if" thinking too You said something to the effect I don't know what I will do if this does not work. One day at a time Char, one day at a time. As he learns about this great condition he will want to learn more and more. I never thought I was negative person until I starting learning about GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) now I know. I have made great strides over this past year...your son will too. I hope this makes some sense...I am working right now and trying to focus my thoughts to you Take care and hang in there.

Thanks so so much! I feel so much better already knowing that there are people out there that care. To give comfort, support, etc. And, I truly believe god "is" directing us. My philosophy is that things happen for a reason and whatever is happening to my son is for a reason. I'm trying to take one day at a time.

Thanks again!

Char,
I can completely relate to what your son is experiencing. It is very difficult to accept that you have an emotional or mental difficulty. And it's hard to understand why you are going through what ever it is your going through as you are indeed going through it. I will bet that on his good days he is on his game so speak. Meaning that he is a pretty intelligent individual. If he's ever suffered through something else it makes it that more difficult because the thinking there is "how can I do this or beat that and not be able to get over this". If this is the case for him he is going to have a difficult time coming to terms with having these problems. And for guys its harder I think just because they are guys. I think society as a whole has deemed that guys are strong, and should not be seen as emotional. But I think that you are doing a great job in encouraging him to seek help, use the program, read the book/s etc. I can also understand where you are frustrated as I have a 9 year old boy who has bi-polar and he doesn't have a clue as to why he has to take these meds and why he feels the way he does half of the time or even behaves the way he does. And it is heart wrenching at times. But I think what is important to remember though not always easy is that you are doing everything you can. The rest you have to leave in your son's and God's hands. I hope that this helps you out a little.

Becky Sue, thanks so much for your comfort & support. My thoughts are with you as well.

Hi Char,

I'm sorry for the rough time you and your son are having. I can very much relate to having a child hurting and wanting to do something to help. I don't really have any suggestions other than to try and be as positive with him as possible, crack jokes if you know of any, give him hope that he will get over this at some point and that this is not permanent. Things can change.

I will relate to you that at the age of 18 I came down with panic attacks for the very first time and thought I was dying because I couldn't breathe. I went by ambulance to the hospital the first two times they occurred. After that when I showed up at the emergency room the nurses quickly gave me a paper sack like a lunch sack to breathe in so I wouldn't hyperventilate. To me the world was coming to an end, to them it was no big deal. After going through six weeks of hell I was referred to a psychiatrist who put me on a lot of valium and amitriptyline, plus an elixir which I would guess was phenobarbitol. With that I was able to enter college. Over a year and a half or so I worked off all meds and was back to "normal".

I've never had another panic attack since, but have had serious problems with depression starting in my late twenties. I'm 56 now. My first experience with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) was with the MWC program beginning in Nov, 2000, five years ago. I had tried meds all my life and it seemed like nothing worked very well any more. I wasn't able to work at all from early 1997 to late 2003. But thanks to the program I started working again in late 2003 and have had a full time job sinc late 2004. Exercise was also a very important component of my recovery.

There is hope. He can be better. I understood nothing about psychology or the power of the mind at his age. I knew little about my tendencies to worry and obsess over things that really bothered me. That was simply "normal" for me because that's how I grew up. The program helped me learn a lot about myself that I was not in touch with and how to change. It sounds encouraging your son is listening to the relaxation tape. For me now, the relaxation tape is pretty much my maintenance med for staying functional. It helps me relax and unwind from stress.

I'm glad you found this site. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.