One of my sources of stress and my biggest disappointment is the behavior of my 2 adolescent children. Today, while planning for both a nephew's first communion and my dd's senior prom and hosting my in-laws, they both erupt. Things that I have planned for a month suddenly aren't "good enough" because they couldn't take time to think about it until the day arrived. Younger dd have "nothing to wear" to the communion and older dd wants straps on her very expensive strapless dress. I have things I need to do but I feel like I am dancing to their tune.

I know I should not have done it, but last night I finished older dd's graduation invitations. I have asked her to finish for a week so I could reclaim the kitchen table. I couldn't stand the mess anymore. Now I'm angry that I can't get a simple thing out of my own child that is for her own benefit.

Sometimes I really don't like them. I am assertive with them but they ignore me. I'm confused because we were conservative parents and I would not have considered them to be spoiled until now. They use my things without asking or even telling me later. Older dd took money from her dad's wallet like it was hers: didn't even understand why that would be a problem. They want and want and want but do nothing to earn anything. I'm worn out.

Should I just buy a whip???

Interesting post. My dd is14 and my ds is 11 and today I told them "NO MORE ALLOWANCE. If you want $ you will have to find ways to earn it. This is not the the First National Bank of Mom and DAD!" I was at the store with them and didnt appreciate them asking for one thing after another and then acting offended when I said no. Time for them to learn to appreciate a dollar and the work that goes into getting that dollar. I am upset that I let them get to this point. I have apparently allowed their behavior to get where it is. So it is up to me to put a stop to it and teach them better. By the way, the whip doesnt sound like such a bad idea...lol.

Reena

I can certainly relate to that. I just spent a fortune on a senior prom too, and it's just so unappreciated. With two teenagers, it is certainly a big part of my stress. They do believe that money grows on trees and have the attitude that we are supposed to "supply" them with whatever they wish. I'm hoping that once my 17 year old is out of school and gets a job it will make a difference and she can see how much hard work and responsibility it takes to earn a living.

I have a 7 month old son. I have always had an Anxiety Disorder, but it has gotten much worse sense his birth. I find myself feeling so trapped all of the time, over whelmed by the responcibility of having a child, and more often than not I am afraid to be alone with him because I am so scared that I might drop him during a panic attack, or go crazy and hurt him. I think maybe those woman on the news that do horrible things to their children have what I have and just snapped. I feel so guilty for thinking these thoughts. I find myself jumping at every opportunity I get to have a babysitter, but then when I am not with him I feel guilty for that. Is it just me?
GmarieG

Hi,

Having a baby is a big responsibility. There is nothing wrong with having some time to yourself. Have you talked to your dr. about your feelings? I believe those women who have hurt their children were seriously ill with psychotic illnesses. Do you have the program? It really is worth every penny. I bought mine when my youngest was 10 months old. She is now over 4. Yes, babies are alot of work but it does get easier as they get older. Ask for help. Its ok to do that. Let someone know how hard this is for you. TAlk to your dr. about your anxiety and stress. There is nothing wrong with taking a med to help you thru a tough time. YOur hormones are still probably not normal. It takes time. Anxiety stole my present moments with my baby. I didnt get to enjoy her like I would have wanted because the anxiety took over. But I got the program, worked on it and time passed and I got better. YOu can too. You say you've had anxiety for a long time now...you havent snapped yet and you wont either. It just likes to make us fear everything. Don't fear your child. YOu are capable of taking good care of him. Don't doubt your ability. But take time to take care of you too.

Hugs, Reena

Thank You so much for the reassuring words. I do have the Program I am just starting week 5. I've had some improvement already. I am seeing a therapist and I have told him about these feelings, he says that it is normal, but it's hard to keep that in mind when I am feeling them. I am trying to avoid going on medication. I have tried a lot of them in the past just to find that after weeks of side effects they didn't help me anyway. I had some success with Zoloft a few years back, but nothing too remarkable. I am really sensitive to drugs. It seems to take forever before I can feel like I am not "on something". I'm not really comfortable trying to care for the baby in that condition. I do have a package of Zoloft on hand should I choose to go back on it. I'm just not sure yet. I'm hoping to keep feeling better with the Program. How long does it usually take? Are you recovered? I just have to keep telling myself that I will be OK, it's just going to take practice.

Just wanted to say I am a divorced mom of 4.......ages 17,15,8,6. And, of course no help from their dad. My 17yo son is addicted to drugs, I think that's what brought alot of my anxiety/depression back. He is in jail right now awaiting rehab treatment, it was the only place I could put him so he didn't end up dead. He has been in treatment before. I have not seen him since January. My 15yo daughter has been sober from alcohol for 5 months...she was also in rehab, but is doing good. Both of my older children were molested as young children, that's what I blame their drug use on. They now both are on anti-depressants, and this depresses me.......like I gave them this disorder, also that I didn't protect them as children...................lots of guilt here,,,,,any words of wisdom or encouragement is greatly appreciated.

gmarie,

Each person responds differently to the program and at different rates. #3 is so important. We have to reassure ourselves constantly and learn to be the one that takes good care of ourself. Are you getting enough rest? I know my kids didnt sleep thru the night for a long time. When I started the program I took a nap everyday when the baby slept. I really needed to do that for myself. I used a relaxation tape to help me relax because I was wound so tight I didnt know how to relax anymore. Taking a vitamin could prove very helpful too. Keep working the program, know that it does take time, but you will feel better soon.

Micki,

Sounds like your kids are(were) self medicating. The antidepressants may be what they need. I am sorry for all you are dealing with. Divorce is hard on the whole family. You didnt say if you have this program or not. If you dont I would suggest getting it and work on yourself and you will be able to then help your kids. They can use the program too. You are learning what to do to help yourself and your younger children will be able to avoid the problems your older two have gone thru. I hope you all get thru this tough time together and can find some peace.

Reena

ps. I am certainly no expert. Just a mom to 4 kids from 4 to 19.

Reena,
Thank you for your reply. Though my baby sleeps through the night, I usually don't. The relaxation tape has been extremely helpful. I use it to go to sleep at night. I haven't been taking vitamins, but I will start right away. I am seeing a therapist who treats both eating disorders and anxiety disorders, he knows a lot about nutrition. I have gone from not being able to eat at all to eating 5 small meals a day, just in the past few weeks. I have gained 7 pounds. This "chat" forum has been such a blessing, it reminds me of how bad it can get, and how far I have come. Thank You again.

Micki,
I am so taken back but what you are going through that I don't even know what to say. Being a new mother myself, I'm sure that you have always done the best you could and then some. Despite all efforts bad things happen. I had a rough childhood, I started doing drugs at the age of 12. Luckily with my anxiety disorder I ended up developing a phobia of drugs and quit before it caused any real problems. Regardless of how bad my childhood was, or even my anxiety and depression, I used drugs simply because the cool kids did and I wanted to fit in. Guilt won't help, not that you can wish it away, but it won't help. You're doing the right things now, you're doing whats best for your children by putting them in rehab, and by working on this program you're doing what's best for you and your family.

Giselle (gmarieg)

Reena and Giselle.......thanks so much for your input. I did get the program about 6 years ago and had my panic pretty much under control the last 3 years. The last 6 months have been unbearable with my kids and losing my job, I am a nurse at a hospital that closed without warning. I don't know what came over me,,,,,,I guess I am so worried about everyone else all the time, but I just needed to vent a little. I seriously need to get back in some counseling, it's been several years. Yes, you hit it right, my kids were self-medicating. My son has no self-worth, he questions everything about his existence, he attempted suicide last September. Since then I have been there,,,,,the lies, the stealing, etc that go along with drug addiction, I know tough love is what he needs, but it is very difficult. As for my daughter, she is terrified to drink on her meds, and she finally has some self-esteem. Thanks so much for the concern and the words of encouragement. Guess I just need some reassurance Thanks!!!! Karen