I have a shy 7-year-old boy, and after going through the MWC program one year ago pretty successfully, I have started to read 2 books on shyness in children to try to help him (The Shyness Breakthrough, and Nurturing the Shy Child). I put them down a few months ago because it is mentally exhausting trying to work on my own issues and now analyze his issues and help him as well as myself. I am feeling like these books are good and probably will be helpful, but they are making me very anxious in that I am reading them as a whole long list of new things I have to do now, as if parenting wasn't difficult enough already and I was just sitting twiddling my thumbs. I also interpret it as a laundry list of ways my mothering falls short, because if I had done all these things already, and taught him properly to manage social situations, he wouldn't be socially anxious. Also, he goes to a year-round school so he starts in less than a week. Any quick advice so I can stop beating myself up or stop thinking I have to "fix" it completely by Monday?!?!
formerly SleeplessMom

I was terribly shy as a child!!!! Society has made shy people seem as if they are social outcasts or misfits. You should work with him but not to the point it is exhaustive for both of you. Encourage him...I turned out semi-normal

Hi, Sleeplessmom,
How about listening to lesson 4 and Lucinda's advice on expectations. My daughter is very much like me in many ways (the good and bad) and I feel sometimes like you when I read/hear stuff about what to do--as if it's a list of what I've done wrong. After listening to #4 several times I'm finally able to ask myself if I'm trying to be supermom and if so then I need to settle for mom. You are a great mama or else you wouldn't have bought these books in pursuit of helping your child. Plus all the other stuff you've already done. Good job to you and the work you've already done and remember there is no race to finish because there is no race at all. You obviously love him very much and that is THE most important thing. Peace to you.

Well, it's Tuesday but the encouragement is the same: relax, love your child and it will be ok. Sometimes shy children are just very bright.

I wouldn't make a huge deal about it, or worry about it. Some people are just shy. It's a temperament thing, and not anything that is caused by parenting. I was a very shy child but then stopped being shy when I was a teenager, and I'm a very outgoing adult. My husband was a very shy kid, as well, and he's still a very shy adult. Our son is the most outgoing little person we've ever met, while we have friends who parent very similar to the way we do who have really shy kids.

Everybody is different. I think helping your son to whatever extent he'd like help is good, but I wouldn't make a big deal or label him as "shy."

There is nothing wrong with being shy, my son is painfully shy at times. He has come out of his shell in the past couple years after excelling tremendously in baseball, He soaks a lot in being shy and his dad is shy as well. It can be aggravating for us as parents at times, but it is somehting they will grow out of or into as their self-esteem grows. I got a golden retriever 5 years ago as I had read somewhere that helped shyness, it has been an amazing boost.
It is almost like we have to let our kids find themselves, get them involved in things, this is really key. My son is a huge athlete, he is 10, but talented, he also does Destination Imagination and he started track tonight, and he didn't know any boys there, he did not say a word, but won all the races. He is excited to go back next week. Try to have him interact with kids his age as much as possible, whether it be at school or extracuricular activities, sports, anything that may require a group.

Don't stress out, itwill not help him or you. He will let you know if something is wrong.
Hang In there!

your son is still so little.. you should give him more time.. if by the time of puberty he's still that shy, then it's something to be worried about but he's so small!!!

i dunno if its been said, but encouragement and acknowledgment is key. i'm sure you praise him but, make him feel like he can do anything. like, in a good way, not ANYTHING. tell him how much you and the rest of your family loves him. i'm sure you do this already, but, if not, i'd start there. is there anything, out of the norm about your son? right, i know, what the hell is normal anyways? but, in the eyes of a kid. is he overweight? very tall for his age? does he have freckles? i believe shyness goes hand in hand with feelings of inadequecy. maybe if he doesn't feel he "fits in" it could be making him shy. of course, thats gets better over time, because as children grow up, they learn they don't have to fit in, and they can be exactly who they are and thats perfectly fine. but, i remember growing up, i was overweight and felt i wasn't as good as the skinny kids. now, i'm still overweight, but, i personally don't care, hahaha. well i do, and i'm working to be more healthy, but i mean i don't care about fitting in. its funny, if you saw me, i look like i eat taco bell 4 nights a week, but i actually eat chicken, fish, veggies, tofu and soup, haha.

You are on the right track, I found with my son, also shy, and a genious. than the more I worked on my self, the more I learned about my self control, and my positive thinking, the better all my kids got, even my husgand is diffrent, just because I am diffrent. We can only give what we have and when you are in control of your life, you can impower you children, by modling right living

Getting him involved with other kids is a good Idea, I don't know about boys scouts, here we have 4H and they have to be 9 to start that, he is to young for to much interaction yet. he still needs one on one with you and his father. there is a book that may help "The 5 Languages of love". it will help you to understand him and the way he is bent better. You don't want to push him, much yet, he is so young, and boys especialy, mature slower than girls.

Relax, let him be a child a few more years, and watch him, see what he likes, and encourage his dreams. I remember one of the questions in this course was, What was your dream as a child? I could hardly remember I had pushed in down so far on my list of things to do when I grow up.

My son wanted to know about the grasses when he was 3, he was intrested in rocks, and nature. He got in to 4H, and tried everything, with my encouragement; rockets, camping, range, even got blue ribbons at state for hes sewing. Now he is a Federal Range Specialist for the Natural Resorc Concervation Servise. and a computer geek. He just got married last year affter he had established his carrier. He is happy, helthy, and 34 years old last month. He has always been focused, they always told me he was near genious like Instine. I never pushed him in sience. but he enjoyed it, he has a phenominal memory, and an analitical mind. I could see that when he was 5, he wasn't as shy as he was more intrested in things than pepole. He speint his early child hood drawing intricate maps, of new worlds. Star Wars. batman, and later he loved to sing carioki. All I tried to do was give him wings. I took him to swiming lessons. bible school, sent him to camps he liked astronot camp, and range camp. All improtant stuff, in a few years, for now keep him close show him you love him, and home is a safe place. give him roots, their is plenty of time to give him wings when he is older. Like I tell my daughter, don't worry about the child, he will grow up to do what he sees you do, not what you tell him to do. worry about what you are showing him, not what you are tilling him. My grandmother told me that, and she was right. God gave you this child because you are the best parent for him, relax, God trusts you with his child, because he knowes you better than you know yourselff. God Bless you and yours.

I was shy as a child. I didn't actually talk until I was 3. At first, my parents thought something was wrong and had a speech therapist come by, but as it turned out, I just wasn't ready to talk yet. Finally, my mom invited a young friend of mine over to play, so that I HAD to talk...and talk I did! My mom told me that, after I started talking, I would walk up the stairs just talking to myself!
As for kids being shy, I think that at times, as is my situation, it's a naturally-occuring temperment. My parents were quiet, as well, so they let me just "be." Some of my favorite ways to spend time were to: listen to music, read books, create and illustrate my own stories, daydream, and walk in the woods near our home. I enjoyed playing alone, and also spending time with my younger sister (who was more outgoing than me). As a teenager, I went through the usual insecurities, but feel now, as an adult, I've really "come into my own" with regard to my personality. I'm no longer shy, but have a quiet temperement, and a deep thinker, and listen to others more than I talk to them, just as a matter of temperment. So, in short, celebrate your child's quiet nature in ways suitable to him (activities with one or just a few kids, for example, instead of a big crowd, solitary or one-on-one activities, time to daydream, etc.). If shyness, in terms of social anxiety, becomes a problem, that's a different situation that needs to be handled delicately, but can be overcome. Hope this helps!

You ALL are SOOOO smart, and thank you very much for the advice. My son started school a month ago, and he already has named 4 classmates he wants to invite to his birthday party (6 months from now!), and he has gotten two warnings for talking to his neighbor in class (I admit I was sort of relieved at the first warning because it meant he was talking to someone!). Just shows how 95% of what we worry about never comes to be.