Okay, I'll try and keep this as simple as possible, it's really a long drawn out story, but I'll cut to the chase!
I have six children..four from my first husband and twins from my current husband. There is a fifteen year spand between my youngest of first four and the twins(who are now 15 mos old)
My current hubby and the 15 yr. old do NOT get along! Although he is the one that raised him since age 7. It has been a battle since day 1. God bless my husband for being such a great guy, when most men would have ran along time ago LOL.. Just last June, I sent my 15 yr. old to go live with his father because the situation at home was getting worse. My son would try and entice my husband to fight. My husband is NOT a physically angry person and would NEVER hit my chldren! Not to mention that he absolutely refused to go to the school that is in our district, he wanted to go to school that my older three graduated at. My son is and always has been close to his biological father. And it's no secret that he has always been Dads favorite (spoiled without a doubt) Although he lives 1800 mi. away. They all have a good relationship with him.
With my decision to send him back to his father, I thought I was doing the right thing. He misses him terribly and he doesn't want to live with me (because of step dad). WEll...as of just two days ago, I found out that my ex has purchased an airline ticket for my son to come back and live with my second oldest son! UGH!!!!!! I can't believe he did that! What right does he have to go behind my back and conspire with my older son(who is only 19 and is on his own-with girlfriend for the first time, working hard and making his way into the world) My older son is a responsible person, but he's YOUNG!!! I"M the parent, he's supposed to live with ME! I told my EX under NO circumstances will he move in with is brother. If is comes back here, he WILL LIVE WITH ME..no question about it! He told me that will NOT BE HAPPENING and he's already made arrangements for my younger son to live with the older brother! If I attempt to MAKE him live with me, it will get ugly and he will begin "hating" me. Now folks, I DO believe he will end up running away and me and the older son will have issues. I DON"T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN!!! We have always been close and it's not like he's a BAD child, he just doesn't get along with my husbnd.
This thing is making me SICK, and for years I've learned to cope with my anxieties..BUT here I go again! Having twins a year ago is stress in itself, but now I'm dealing with other issues..God where does this end!!! Sorry this post is so long, I just needed to get it OUT!! I know I need to be strong for all of them, and the anxieties are making me tired and grumpy, I CANNOT do this to the babies! I have responsibilities and I can't let this get to me. Any advice would be helpful, but a silent prayer for me would be appreciated.
Thankyou for listening..
Mom of 6

Is it possible that your son is just looking for the "house with the least rules" and didn't find that?? He is fifteen after all, and most likely affected by your divorce in one way or another.
Most kids are, mine were.
Not really surprised here that your ex is sending your son back your way, or close to it. If your son was creating a situation in your home, it only makes sense that he'll do this wherever he lives. His personality won't change because he was sent 1800 miles away to live with the other parent.
Sometimes we expect too much from situations when we feel we have no control over them. It's fairly normal for at least one of your kids to become rebellious at that age and not want the rules and not want to move to another location,go to different schools.
One comment in your post jumped out after reading the first two paragraphs -
"I'm the parent, he's supposed to live with ME"
Well maybe, but sometimes that's not the only solution. In one way you know that already because you sent him away to live with his father. Now maybe your son will have the chance to experience living with his brother and see that even there, rules are established. Might have to take that chance.
Do you trust your 19 yr old son?? Is he responsible? Will he provide a safe environment and make sure your other son eats meals and goes to school? Well, make a valiant effort to do this anyway.
If this does not work out, these arrangements, it's not your fault.
Your son chose to rebel and wants his own way all the time.
Your ex sent him back and your other son agreed to take him in.

My heart goes out to you. It sounds like you're trying to take TOTAL control of a situation in which that's not possible.
Your 15 yr old seems to want control now too.
At the moment, he's calling the shots, not your ex. Hard to believe, but true.
Let go. I know it's tough, but it sounds like your 19 yr old won't put him in harm's way.Allow your ex to make this decision and go from there.
Maybe your present husband and your son could benefit from some family counseling? Or just you and hubby to help deal with the situation?

Kids, life's greatest gift and greatest challenge.

God bless and hugs to you all.

Cindy Lou Thank you so VERY much for your response, and most of all, your HONESTY! I have to tell you, that within the first sentence, I could tell that you had experienced the whole "divorced with children" situation! YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT about EVERYTHING! let me say:
First of all,YES YES YES, I do believe as a teenager, my son is looking for the least amount of rules..That seems to be the issue that "HE" has with my "Now" hubby..."he's too strict" he's always nitpicking, such as clean your room, finish your homework, an "F" on your reportcard is NOT exceptable, YOU WILL check in every 2-3 hrs when your out and there will be a curfew and YES bedtime for even a 16 yr old is 10PM.. Okay seriously, Cindy lou, I'm sure you get the idea! There good rules and restrictions, something ALL parents should possess. anyways....MY 19 yr. old is VERY responsible (funny how he got that way living under the roof of the same step dad with the same outlandish rules LOL..I have to laugh once in awhile) I'm and 100 % sure that he will make sure my 16 yr old is fine and well taken care of, I don't have an issue there, however your right about me wanting TOTAL CONTROL over the situation. But he's 16 and it's that fact that my 19 yr old and his girlfriend are going to be responsible for him...(Well sort of )
I have already made up my mind to just let it happen, but I don't want it to cause any problems between my two sons. Their both very head strong, and when they were younger, they were the ones that faught the most!!! I fear that my younger son will again rebel, but against his older brother when he is presented with rules and restrictions....then where will he go when that doesn't work??? I was already told he will not be living with me (one of my ex's many threats)...anyways.. I could go on and on but I won't . Apparently you get the idea, so, thank you for your reply and I really appreciate everything you've said! I will keep in touch to let you know how things go! I know I DON"T have control over everything, but I DO have control on how I react to things,,right? take care and God bless you.

Hugs, oh gosh it IS tough.
Sounds like your hubby has perfectly fine rules by the way. We've always had tough rules around here and that's just the way it is. We bend now and then, try to keep an open mind, but sometimes rules are rules. You know what I mean.
Ought to be interesting to see what happens when the two boys get under one roof again. OMG, sorry, had to smile there and hope you are too.
So, if your ex insists that your son will not live with you if this doesn't work out- hmmmm, OK , let him show you how it's done, lol, and take him in for long term this time.

I'll be praying for you and your son.
Maybe send him nice "hello" cards once a week or so, just to say hi and keep in touch by phone.
Keep the conversation light and let him initiate any spilling of personal information. Always let him know you love him and will be there for him and that he's welcome home any time. Leave the "but we have rules here" out for now. Keep the communication open.
He'll come around. It may take time. As you said, he is young.
In the meantime, we're all here for you!!!
There are lots of loving, compassionate people here and we've all been through our share during the years and some are going through it now.
Kids, hubbies, other family, bosses, you name it.
Huge hugs to you!