I don't have kids of my own, but as a kid, I had a pretty rough time at school. It makes me so angry to hear it when people aren't sure how to help their kids through things with other kids at school. I hear things like "you really can't do much about what other kids do at school. We all went through it. Kids just can be really mean."

Well, I'd like to be a part of turning around that kind of attitude. I really think that kids can be empowered to handle things like bullying and getting teased at school.

When I was a kid, I tended to clam up when I had problems at school. I never told anyone, and unfortunately no one noticed the signs. So first of all, kids need to know that its important for them to tell their parents. Please parents, keep asking.

I guess I keep going over what I could have done back then, because its kind of healing. When that kid hit me in the eye on the bus, I should have told the bus driver on my way off the bus. When I was repeatedly sexually harassed, I could have told the boys doing it that I would get them written up if they didn't stop. Then I would have done it.
When that kid called me an ugly f##king b###h I could have told the teacher right then. And tears would probably have helped me. Plus the girl next to me heard him say it. She could have backed me up. Might have saved me two years of feeling helpless at his bullying.

All I needed back then was for someone first to notice, and then for someone to empower me to do something to help myself. Kids don't need someone to swoop in and make their problems go away (which sometimes happened with me growing up) They need to learn how to effectively be assertive with kids. That would blow these bullies away.

Unfortunately I don't think a lot of parents learned how to be assertive at school. So how can they teach their kids? Man, this needs to be taught to kids. I hope MWC is working on a school program.

Deb,

I have something positive to say about, yes, such a bad, negative thing such as bullying. My son, who is six, just started kindergarten this September. My son is big for his age. He could easily bully tons of kids, thankfully, he's totally opposite. Of course I've talked to him about bullying and being bullied, but, his nature is that he just loves all kinds of kids and people. Anyway, I received a call a few weeks into school and I was like "here we go...." The teacher said that Kyle (my son) stood up to a bully who's was pushing around a kid in his class. He said "don't do that to my friend!". The bully of course got punished, but they made a big deal about what my son did and he stood up in front of the whole class and the teachers told the other kids what he had done. Later, at a function, the mom of the kid that was being bullied thanked Kyle too.

Few weeks later, my son and two friends went into the bathroom during lunch period. My son said there was a first grader splashing water all around and being "bad." The other two kids ran out of the bathroom but, again, Kyle stood up and said, "stop doing that". The kid proceeded to grab my son's shirt and said something.....The point here is, Kyle went and told the aides in the lunchroom and immediately I got a call from the nurse and the superintendent. They told me he was okay and that this kid that Kyle didn't know was behaving very badly and that when they find him, he was going to be reprimanded. They took my son in and out of every classroom that afternoon and when they called me back, they said Kyle didn't recognize the kid and they told him that whenever he sees the kid at any time, he is to report it to any teacher. Honestly, when I spoke to my son, he splashed the kid back and the "fight" broke. I think Kyle didn't realize the school would take it so seriously. But, I just wanted to say that at least where my kids go to school, bullying, name calling and such is SO not tolerated. I think the most important thing, and I think you mentioned this, is for the kids being bullied, to be assertive, even just running to tell a teacher or something. I tell my kids, don't act fearful and don't be afraid b/c a bully is the one who's afraid, that's why he does what he does. And I definitely tell my kids to help anyone who's being picked on and don't be a follower, be a leader. It's a shame some kids might not now some of this.

DEB WONDERFUL TOPIC!!! I agree with you that something needs to be done about this and quick! Growing up I was never bullied because my father instilled in me to never pick fights but to only fight if it was a last resort, and when I was in an altercation I stood up for myself which sent a message they need to pick somewhere else. Back when I was growing up im only 33, things were handled one on one. Now in this day and age if a child stands up for themselves you have to worry about your child being jumped or worse a child bringing a gun to school. It's no longer the scrap it out one on one in the school yard after school and then you guys end up being friends the next day. The saying kids will be kids is not fit for this day and age. I know in my sons school here in TX that if there is a fight both kids are suspended..they say your child should walk away...my question is if someone is physically attacking your child how can they be expected to walk away when half the time the teachers are not even aware of the confrontation until it has escalated. There is a Police Officer on Duty at all times on my sons campus to deal with these type of situations which does make me feel better. I tell my son to try to avoid the conflict as much as possible but if he's physically attacked..im sorry it's fair game to me. My son just recently made the BasketBall Team and another kid who didnt make the team kept telling my son "man you took my spot, I was better than you, you suck"! My son is not the confrontational type, and he will ignore because sometimes words will only add to the fire. The child kept up and finally the teacher moved the child away from my son and told him well if you would stay out of trouble you probably would of made the team. Obviously this child did not make it because he had been in fights in school. So thank-fully the teacher handled the situation before it escalated. My son thinks im to overprotective sometimes because I pick him up and drop him off at school and don't allow him to walk to school like some of the other kids do. But I feel if you leave opportunity without adult supervision things can happen. My son is definitly a leader. Yesterday there were boys crying in the gym who did not make the team and he comforted them an asked them if they were oky...he told me mom that could of been me. That made me proud. This topic could be debated in so many ways..but I do feel that some schools handle the situation
poorly. TC Karen

This is a great topic. I had lots of friends during school but I also had a lot of people tease me because I have a mole on my face (like Cindy Crawford...to give you an idea). I know, looking back now, that the ones who picked on me just really didn't know any better and the other ones probably weren't picking on me per say, but were curious as to "what is that" on my face. Needless to say I would have nightmares about it. Mom always called it a beauty mark to make me feel better. When I got older I got picked on a lot because all the "cool" girls were having sex and I wouldn't do that. My mom's advice was to agree with them and then they wouldn't have anything to pick on me for anymore...which worked surprisingly well by showing them that they weren't going to break me no matter what they said. Although I don't agree with bullying or would wish that upon anyone, I do think it helped shape me to what I am today. Even when my anxiety was bad, I really had some sort of drive that no one else could break me and I rarely get offended...it has also shown me that everyone is different in looks and views and it is ok if theirs doesn't agree with mine. Funny though, I look back now at those few that picked on me...and how their lives are now and I think to myself with a smug smile "Karma is a b*tch" But maybe thats just my way of getting back at them.

Sorry I got carried away there. I do hope the MWC does do a school program, that would be great.

Thanks guys,

Great stories. And encouraging too. Somehow it makes me feel like I can heal old wounds. I've kind of picked up on a hunch that I can go back in my mind and relive these events, only this time I can change the outcome.

I really love being around kids and hopefully someday I can help kids that are like I was. I felt like I had a big old target on my back at school that said 'pick on me'.

I'll probably always have flare ups where I feel a little out of sorts because some current event brings back a memory of the past, but I get better and better at recognizing it and then I can do something to make it better. I might have gotten hurt then, but I've changed, and life has changed. I'm not stuck in the past.

As for bullies, I find it hard to relate to them because I was on the other end of the spectrum. But they're victims in a way too. Of course, not all of them are. Some continue to do so as adults in ways that allow them greater power. I've seen that too.

As far as bullies...one guy I know that bullied me dropped out of highschool. Others I have no contact with, so I just don't know. But it doesn't matter too much if I'm happy myself. Then they become irrelevant. I refuse to let people that aren't here have power over me.

I'll write down your success stories, and maybe sometime I'll post them on the board in shorter form so people might learn from your experiences.

Thanks,

Deb