I am in search of some help for my child. She is eight and has been a relatively happy and healthy child. I left her father when she was 2 and we've been on our own. I started dating a couple of years ago and I am currently engaged. My daughter's father chose not to see her on a regular basis for many years. He started seeing her on a regular basis after I started dating the man I'm going to marry. Long story short - he is not supportive in my engagement. He bad mouths my fiance to my child and has since we started dating. It all boils down to the fact that her father wants me back and that relationship is dead to me. Two summers ago, my child starting getting sick on Mondays. She stays at her dad's Saturday night through Sunday early evening. I've taken her to a psychiatrist and had her attending meetings with the school counselor. We seemed to have a handle on things, and she didn't get sick anymore. That lasted for 9 months. She started about a month ago. Nothing major has happened that I can figure out why this is starting again. She does worry alot about her father abandoning her again. He has said that if I get married, then he will move away etc. We have support from his ex-wife & her children. We are very close to them and they really help out my daughter with their thoughts and experiences about her dad. When I ask what is bothering her, she doesn't always say - or goes back to worrying about her dad. I've tried to speak to her father about all of this, but none of this is his fault - or so he says and he just blames me. I've tried to tell him that if he would let his daughter know that he loves her no matter what and that he will always be here for her and that it's ok that mom is sharing her life with another person - and it's ok for her to feel for that other person - well - then maybe that would help change things. It's alot of wishful thinking on my part - he simply blames. So - I'm asking for suggestions to help her work through all this unnecessary worry. Her psychiatrist suggested she put the "worry" in a balloon and let it go. That's fine and dandy - but the money that is spent on this just doesn't seem worth it in the end. My child is internalizing all these emotions to the point that she's making herself sick. Last summer, she complained that her heart hurt. I know this is anxiety related and there isn't a physical problem ($350.00 later). I'm just looking for some new ideas. She does very well in school and sings alot and laughs and plays. She is not one to just sit and mope. She has friends and plays well with them. She's very active. I just want to help her deal with these issues now so that she doesn't carry this into teen and adulthood. Any suggestions?

Do you have the tapes? She is not too young to listen to the tapes or some of them, even the relaxation tape. My daughter liked listening to it at 8 years old.

I know you must feel helpless right now. Have confidence in your daughter that she can work through this. Tell her that she can help herself not to worry about the situation. I think you are being a good example of getting on with your life. She will figure it all out.

Tammy

Garfield,

I'm so sorry to hear your daughter is going through this. Children often get caught in the middle when there is a divorce, and it is especially bad if one or both parents are saying negative things about the other. I have a friend who is in a similar situation. It sounds to me like your ex-husband is the one who needs counseling. Maybe you could suggest that the three of you go to your daughter's therapist together. Your ex might listen to the advice of a professional.

I wish you much luck with this difficult situation.

Jen