Hello. I am the mother to a 20 yr old daughter who has had episode of my daughter cutting herself since she was about 15 yrs old... She has been through drug rehab and has been clean for about 4 yrs... She is the mother to a 22mth old son and his father is in and out of the picture .
She & her son are currently living with me... I know lately she has been really stressed and depressed... She seems to make some very bad choices in her life ... She always picks boyfriends who need her more than she needs them and ends up taking on more than she should.. She has also gotten herself into a really bad financial situation... Like I said before she makes really bad choices in her life... The other day I notice she had cut marks on her upper arms.. When I quesioned her about them she got really defensive and said it was either that or do drugs again...I said well I guess that was a better choice...She has been on antidepressants in the past and has an appt tomorrow to talk to someone... I am considering calling them before she gets there just in case she doesnt share with them about her cutting episodes... ANYONE HAVE ANY ADVISE... I suffer from anxiety disorder and am currently doing great on Zoloft... Now I am a little stressed out about her... Any advise would be greatly appreciated...

hello,
i have been through cutting myself in the past, although it has been years since i have done it.

i would find a therapist that specializes in anxiety and depression and have them work with your daughter and take her through the program. anxiety comes out in many different ways, but if you have it you can bet she does too. saying that cutting herself is better then doing drugs is a way to justify her behavior. it's a blame tactic. it's a way to make herself feel like a victm. think of how victimized you felt in the midst of your anxiety and how powerful you felt as you overcame it. the same can work for her. she needs to figure out how to come at this from a position of strength and take off the victm mask and make for her life what she wants.
other then that. remember, you cannot force her to do anything. she is responsible for her life! you can help her any way you can but when you go to bed try as much as you can to leave her problems with her. dont let her stress rub off on you! you are doing great!

Kland,
Try to get her in with a therapist that specializes in this type of thing... It may help her,,, Nelly

Hi .. and thanks for writing.. I guess as a mother you try and do everything possible to make life good for your kids.. I guess its frustrating knowing that this is something that I cant fix or make better... From everything I have read this is very common in teenage girls and I guess it has carried through with her as an adult.. I am going to try and find a book about it so I can read up on it and maybe make myself understand it better...In the meantime I am really happy that she is reaching out to someone in the professional field for help... I think that is a step in the right direction... Would you call and let the doctor know that she has recently cut herself ???

kland,
You might pray for your daughter to,, since you have anxiety to,,its especially hard to deal with something like this... and your right it is scarey,, Be sure and take care of you to,,Nelly

Dear klandsb: Have faith, I have an 18 year old who has been cutting since she was 14 or so. We have good periods and bad ones. She finally made it to counseling last year after refusing for so many. Truly don't know if it helped or not. She is now on Effexor and seems to be doing better. It is a process, but as a parent it is so hard. Just last month she made the leap out of the house, but moved in with her boyfriend. It is a real balancing act, being supportive but not being supportive of the negative behavior. I've just tried to show her as much love as I can without being a crutch. I know I feel alot of guilt that perhaps I misssed something or wasn't strong enough in other areas to help her deal with life effectively. Thru all of this it has brought us much closer. We are more open with each other. Also discovered thru all this how much stress, anxiety and depression I was carrying and hiding as I hit a real low. So first step for me is this course in the hopes that I can learn to effectively deal with life, not live in fear, and not take the blame for decisions other make on their own and then to help my daughter to help herself. My daughter's behaviour paralyzed me for so long. Don't give up, but I think in the end it has to be their decision to get help and break the habit. For whatever consulation it is, this cutting seems to be the fad now, We live in a small town with graduating high school classes of only about 30 or so at a time. I know of at least five of her friends that are doing it also. Society puts so many of these dumb ideas in their heads on how they should handle lifes stresses--It is all a re-education of the mind and I think that is what this program is about--We'll see, I'm just starting lesson 2.

My prayer for you is that today that God's Strength, Peace and Wisdom Envelop you

Blessings -