19 yr. old guy. Having lot of trouble with my parents. Used to be the apple of my mothers eye and the pain in the butt (excuse my french) son to my father, and althought it hasn't quite reversed, my father is much more easygoig now, and my mom has become the impossible one. Anything I do I earn a sharp retort of some sort. I've been in Usrael the past 2 yrs. studying and became even more independent then my already independent self. My parents have no appreciation for my problems.....they don't even know about most of them. I find it very hard to take criticism (rough childhood not going to go into it now) and my mother critizes me all the time.I can't talk to my parents about anything... I don't trust them, don't think they'll understand, and just don't have a relationshipp that I can open up to them....I immediately get sulky whenever she tries talking to me. Any hint of a raised voice or annoyance and I immediatle snap back. It's like an automatic response like eyelids closing when something approaches eyes (all I could think of... the cliche that is). I do break some small rulles in the house, but the overreaction is extraordinary. Generalizes from a specific."He never does his chores" when in truth I only missed once in a 2 weeks. I need some sort of plan in order to improve the relationship with my parents. I don't want to have to tiptoe around the house, which she says she does too.... afraid to fan the flames. It's killing me, causing depression, anxiety, guilt, etc. HELP!!!

One thing I would suggest is that you write your parents a letter about what you are going through and how you feel. I have done this many times with people because sometimes when you try to talk it is impossible to get past the emotions that are involved.

Let them know that you are aware that you are not perfect and that you do have problems but you are trying to get help for them. Tell them how the things that they say make you feel and ask them to tell you the same.

One thing you have to remember when it comes to panic and anxiety and depression is that no matter how much someone tries to understand what it is that we go through -- unless they actually go through it they will never truly understand. We live it everday and we don't totally understand it so how can we expect anyone else to.

Is that your little girl? She is precious.

Life and Attitude is 10% of what happens to you and 90% how you react to it

Best of Luck!

Hi Avi,

I was wondering through and saw your note. I can understand what you are saying...I actually had to cut my mom out of my life for 2 years and get myself together and then for that time, I wrote and wrote about all the feelings that I had over the years,,,whether she agreed with them or not that was not important, they were MY feelings. My couselor told me to do this and then write the letter when and put my feelings and thoughts into it...It took me actually 3 years to send it...but I got out everything that I never told her and she never knew about how I felt. The letter was the best thing. Simply that I didn't have to face her, all she could do was read and see what I had to say. Now the ball was in her court as to whether or not she wanted to talk and work things out and understand what was going on in my life. She still has a hard time with understand the anxiety and panic part but the other she can't erase what happened just say that she is sorry.

No one can understand how you feel until they have experienced it themselves. Listen, yes, but you need to think out YOU and you getting back on track and feeling better. Life is to precious for all of us to sit and let this stuff Rule us....we need to rule it. Hard you bet. But, how your attitude is, is how you will go through your day....ALWAYS thank God your alive and say today I am having a bad day but tomorrow it will be better.

BE patient with yourself.....the courage to step forward and make changes you don't like are hard but Well worth the effort.

You can do it....best of luck and always on the chat to talk. smile for today is a new day.

Thank you very much Beth and Kelly for replying... I hear what you are both saying.... I just can't bring myself to do it. It reminds me of so many horrible feelings and times that I feel a physical pain when I even think about writing a letter. Also my personality is such that when i would write them in the letter that I want encouragement, if I started recieving it, I wouldn't wamt it anymore...If I have to tell them how to be parents what good are they? I know it's hard for them to know what I need, but g'mon everyone needs encouragement, compliments etc. I was on a bus to new york this past sunday night... and I made a really great impression to this woman who lives around the corner from my grandfather. She called my parents and grandfather to tell them how she thought I was so.... (all those compliments given). I was speaking to my aunt 2 days later and she tells me this... My mother 'forgot' to tell me then she told me herself that she wasn't planning on telling me!!!! What the heck is that about?!?!??! I wanted to scream!!!! I don't even know what to say anymore!!!! HELP!!!!

How's it going Avi,
Totally know where you're coming from on this...but hang in there, even if it seems impossible...things could get better, take it from me. Yeah, easier said than done I know. My mom and dad divorced when I was 13 years old and they've hated each other ever since...no hopes of anything good right? Wrong, even if my dad cheated on my mom for two years she evetually found someone...but my step-dad, he's a great guy and all...but like I've read in someone's else forum...he's got the kind of attitude "Get over it" but it isn't easy...my mom tries to understand but she can't. I have to go home, thinking that I did something wrong or just anticipating being yelled at for something stupid...I don't like having to go home thinking that sort of thing. But as everyday goes by, things either get better or they get worse, it's like an on and off switch. I think the problem with your mom is maybe she's scared...but she doesn't know how to react to the situations you get yourselves into. I can't talk to my mother about anything either because they always find a way to turn it around on me and the letter writing thing...it could work...but than again, I can't guarentee it, depending on what kind of person your mother is. With my mom, I could do that, but there would be a "wrong" way to write the letter, like for example: My choice of words. But hold in there, you'll make it, give it time things will be better, I'm sure of it. That's what I hope each day when I'm home...you can do it Avi!