We live in a community where there is a mixture of middle class and some very upper middle class families. My son goes to a school (semi-private) where many of the kids come from very well to do families.
My son is going to be 13 this weekend, and we want to have a party for my son on saturday. Have some friends and family over, cake, Ice cream, etc. My son does'nt think its enough. His friends have swimming pools and pool tables, video games, etc. He keeps saying, "But theres nothing to do here!"
It's sickening. We always throw nice parties....but at 13, my son is already into this thing about measuring up to his friends, and I too find myself getting caught up in it.
Anyways, have any of you been through this, and do you have any suggestiions? We even suggested taking him and a few friends to Disneyland, but he wants gifts. Is he spoiled? Or what?

If you went to Disney and took the whole community along he still wouldn't be happy. Kids are just that way. Those that have the big party wish they had something else too. My nephews came over this weekend to stay and my hubby took them fishing. You would think that he had given them a million bucks! Their parents buy them everything that they want but all my husband had to do to make them happy was a little fishing. He didn't even have to spend money to do it. Their brother didn't come but he hunts with my husband and that makes him happy too. Maybe there is something that you could do with them instead of a trip to Disney. There is camping, hiking or swimming...I hope it all works out. doodles

The best thing to do is just be yourself. I know that it isnt the easiest thing to do when you are 13 and trying to fit in. How do you know those kids wouldnt actually like to just hang out with some fun parents in and out and watch movies, play videos, etc. All we have is a trampoline and the kids of ALL ages love it. I have an 18 year old a few inbetween and a 3 year old. There's always a movie out and pizza afterwards. There is a lot to do but like I said, relax and be yourselves. If they dont like you then that is their problem. Chasing that dream of measuring up will get people nowhere. The peace comes when we give up that desire to be like the Jones' and just like who we are to begin with. Strip all the money and toys away and who are we really? My nephew grew up in a 'better' neighborhood and I think all it did was make him feel inferior. Trying to measure up with his more equipped friends never works. I hope you have fun whatever you all do and I'm sure it will all work out for the best.

Reena

Doodles and Reena,
Thanks for the advice.
This situation can get very annoying sometimes.
Kids have always seemed to hang around at our house. We don't do alot of things, we don't go alot of places, but its generally a fun atmospere around here. We watch movies, rent videos, order pizza, etc.
I am guilty of trying to keep up with the Jones'.
Not for my sake, but I have always tried to make my kids feel like they fit in. So I have fell into that trap, although I am learning to overcome that lately.
It does seem that kids are ungrateful by nature, no matter what you do for them. They dont understand what it takes to work for a living, to pay bills, that nothing is free. They just know that they want something, and they dont have it.
I'm getting better in this area, but it frustrates me sometimes to see these other kids get whatever they want. For example, my son wanted a dirtbike. I went to a shop that sells used ones. I found a great deal on a bike that needed to be cleaned up. It runs great and looks good. But a few of his "friends" make fun of his dirtbike. These rich, spoiled brats. And its not that we're poor....my wife works full time and we make good money, nice house, neighborhood, etc. But we cant afford speed boats and jet skis, either. But you're right, just accepting where you are and letting the kids deal with it. If they dont like it, too bad.

I'm not a parent yet, but I taught middle and high school students for 2-1/2 years, and 13-year-olds want to be like everyone else. It's how they are. I've studied some child development, and it's actually very normal. Around 12 or 13 they're just becoming very aware of social cues, and the fact that they want to be like everyone else above all else shows that they are reading them correctly. It's incredibly annoying, even just as their teacher, but it's a normal phase of development. The middle-school years are a time when all kids want to do is fit in, and, as hard as it can be for them (and for their parents, I'm sure), it's actually an important stage because it's how they learn to understand the social world.

And, most kids get over it. While there are some kids (and some people) who spend their whole lives wanting to be like everyone else, most kids do start thinking for themselves more around 14 or 15. From my experience, both as a teacher and a former teenager, most kids stop caring so much about fitting in by their junior or senior year. That's obviously not true in all cases, but I've found that they tend to be far, far less obsessed with clothing and popularity and conformity than seventh- and eighth-graders are. So, it is a stage that ends, for most people.

I don't think the problem is that kids are ungrateful by nature. I think the horrible materialistic attitude that comes up them from every corner of our culture makes them that way. I mean, all they get are messages to get more and more things, and it can be really hard to resist them, especially when you are young. Plus, I think kids just don't understand money very well. I remember my mother and father telling me that money didn't grow on trees, but I didn't really understand how expensive the stuff of everyday life was until I started paying my own bills. I could never have fathomed, when I was 13, the expense of heating or cooling a house, and that's just the start of it!