I decided to start a new topic about single parents coping and the anxiety that comes from being everything for our children and juggling it all. My now ex-husband left 3.5 years ago and I�ve been divorced for almost two. Everything has felt so tenuous for so long and there have been so many challenges and hardships. At this time last year, the strain of several years of seemingly constant crises brought the onset of panic attacks. I�ve been coping with major financial setbacks, major health problems, shared custody with an alcoholic ex, and the incredible juggling act of being a single parent 24/7. I certainly have my share of �irrational� fears but much of my anxiety comes from feeling fearful that it is all going to fall apart for us. I�ve been through a layoff, my health insurance denies just about everything - adding the endless exhausting battle with them to my list of things to cope with. I work tirelessly to create a semblance of financial security for us (or the illusion of) and yet endure setback after setback. One thing that helps is that now I can look back over the last several years and see how many crises we�ve made it through so that when each new one arrives, I tell myself that we got through that and that and that, we�ll get through this.

I would like to hear from other single parents about how you cope with the anxiety of feeling that everything is so tenuous. With the downturn of the economy, my career evaporated. I am going to go back to school to make a new career for myself but that is going to take years. I have tried without success for three years to find a better job with a healthier work environment and health insurance that actually pays the claims they are legally required to do.

I know security is an illusion but I want the illusion. I want a couple of thousand in a savings so if my hot water heater goes, I can handle it. I want health insurance that pays claims. I want a job where there is a sense of being welcome and wanted. (An insecure coworker works tirelessly to undercut me and, yes, I�ve tried to get help from mgmt and they won�t deal.) I want a reliable car. Mine has 150,000 miles and an engine oil leak. I want credit so I can finance something like a new furnace or a car if I should need it. I am working so hard to change the above reality. There is progress but it is agonizingly inching. I would like to just trust that we�ll always be OK no matter how dire the situation, but I had a childhood in which very few of my needs were met and I was abused. Trust is not something that factors into my life much.

My son, age 8, depends on me for everything. My ex is in the late stages of alcoholism. I only get child support because I got his wages attached. When he loses his job or winds up in jail or is gone from the planet, which could happen any day, the child support will evaporate as well.

Have I said it all feels so tenuous?

How do other single parents cope? I am doing it all even through major illness and surgery, but I am always anxious and always exhausted. Before I got laid off, I had a good job with good health insurance where I was valued and respected � so I know different and I want different.

I�d love to hear from others about how they cope and manage the anxiety of the �rational� fears as well as the �irrational.� I�m sure there�s a more PC way to refer to them so I hope I don�t offend with those labels.

Hi Writer woman,
I have been meaning to reply to this for awhile now. I'm also a single parent of 2, a 14 ( yee hah ) and a 6 yr.old. I'm widowed now 4 yrs. I'm 36 and have a cleaning business. I have had anxiety for a couple of yrs. now and amagoraphobic. I feel overwhelmed in many ways raising my children, finacially,knowing the right decisions to make (this is a big one for me ) trying to run a business, although it isn't that big but still stressful at times. I must say though with my work and this condition let alone trying to be a single parent I would not do any other job. It is very convenient seeing as I can make my own schedule as I need to...my accounts are very understanding. Well if you ever feel like talking sometime my e-mail is mikkih27@ameritech.net, or I have yahoo messenger if you ever want to talk on that. Take care beaches

Hi WriterWoman,

I don't have much to say. I am not single, but have faced some financial adversity. I'm thinking that if your ex should die that your son would be entitled to receive support through the Social Security Administration. I don't know for sure, but that may be something to check on. I went through the "what ifs" about my house right before last Christmas. It needs a lot of maintenance and I can see it stretching into summer, 2004. So, that is rational fear. I think we have to deal with it like we do the irrational. Take one day at a time, live in the present, and do what we can to secure the future, but not become anxious about it. Try with no expectations? Anyway, that would be my advice.

Thank you both for your replies! It is so helpful to hear other viewpoints so that I can remind myself that my way of looking at things is not the only way.

WOW you guys are STRONG !!!!!! Talk about giving your children a strong powerful role model. Looking in at your life from the " outside " you are doing really well at NOT letting hard times get the best of you. Its like my councler once said its hard to see the big picture when you are inside the frame But I think you are doing a awsome job!!I am not a single parent but my husband is gone 2 months at a time evry 2 months. We are a young couple living paycheck to paycheck and as we all no LongIslandGirl has a anxiety issue !!! So I deal with that everyday along with pretty much taking care of my daughter on my own.

Thank you, LIG, for the kind words. I find it so easy to focus all my energy on what I�m not, what we don�t have, and what I can�t give my son. I do forget to look at my strength, courage, and what I show my son about how to cope. Thank you, I needed that.