I have a son who just turned 3 and a daughter who just turned 5. I feel so guilty complaining. I am so fortunate to be able to stay home with them.
My anxiety has been so bad lately. I'm coming out of this depression slowly thanks to starting a new medication.
It's like I can't stand being home and stuck in the house. I'm so ready for the warm weather! I try to hang out with friends and their kids but there are days no one is around. I feel lost, like I can't deal if I don't have plans. Then a part of me hates to make plans bc I don't know how I'll feel or if I'll be too anxious to go somewhere. Then my IBS kicks in and just makes everything worse.
I just feel so bad how my moods are effecting my kids. I know they think somethings going on. My hubby is always working.
As much as I want a little break from them I have a hard time. The had preschool this morning for 3hrs. I was so anxious what I was going to do with myself. It's horrible....a double edged sword.
Anyone else feeling this way???

Kris10,

I stayed at home with my daughter intil she began pre-k and didn't have a job intil then and my anxiety was real bad. We get so use to the same old thing day after day and it seems like nothing is new in our life. I know what you mean. I would find something to do with my time like playing a game or going for a walk or joining something that would give me outside conversations. I know that it is hard and everyone needs a break at one point or another for them, if you don't take care of you then how can you take care of your family. Maybe finding a babysitter for a few hours might help. I know that I had my mom watch my daughter for a few hours once just to get out of the house and it helped out alot. The anxiety went away and I got to go do something that I needed to get done. You sound like all of your focus is on your kids and none on yourself. You should go do something for you! I know that your kids are everything to do but sometimes it is hard to not see that you also need alone time and time for yourself. That took me awhile to understand myself. But putting yourself first will help you to feel better and then your time with your kids will be more enjoyable! I hope this helps. God bless!

Jennifier

I felt exactly like you. I dreaded each day, each hour. My husband worked long hours with a 45 minutes communte. Seems I couldn't stand it until he got home. I've been home two years. I'm dealing with it better. I started trying recipes- one little one at a time. I've picked up a few books to help me through baby's nap time. It's warm enough here to start with flowers. I signed up on this website to get every new post, so that takes up some time. I do two household chores a day- vaccum, laundry, dust, etc. It's scheduled out to break the monotny. I still feel myself watching the clock. If the time isn't filled, I tend to panic. I have a tv schedule to help pass the day. It's on all the time and it helps me by listening to it. You are not alone. By the grace of God and some good meds, I think I'm going to make it.

Jennifier is absoloutely CORRECT! In your entire message the focus was not about lifting yourself up...empowering yourself....it was "What do I do with the Kids"!!!
I too am a stay at home mom...I have a 9 year old in school all day PRAISE THE LORD!! and I am at home with an 11 month that I have come to realize is the trigger for anxiety for me...Why? BECAUSE I HAVE NO TIME FOR MYSELF. Its like a fight to create peace or a moment to BREATHE. So I had to make a choice and with God's help he gave me some IMPECCABLE wisdom. First I have no family or friends here. The neighbors I know all work just like my husband. Is that a focus...no its a pity party talk...why? Because I am responsible for my own happiness. Children are happy regardless of situations or circumstances....thats the way we are suppose to be. Unfortunately as adults we taught ourselves different. So I had to create opportunities here in Michigan where it snows and its COLD...and I'm originally from California....Big change uh? We now attend Gymboree when we feel like it....I just last week joined the mommmy's club which does have a website to vent and be creative with other moms. Not being able to breathe and feeling trapped will create some form of anxiety....but to know psycologically you have options difuses the anxiety because you feel now you have control....Xanax always helps...but I learned prayer is more powerful and I get results not just a temporary calmness.....Try also clicking on the spiritual links here. They are very inspiring and uplifting......Have a blessed day!!

Oh yeah, I hear you. In fact, you can read my temper snapped post to feel just a little more in good company!
Here's a funny story, Effie, my 15 month old daughter, is totally addicted to her pascifier. I want her to lose it for naps, so today I put her in her crib without it and she spent the next, oh I dont know, hour and a half, wailing like her life was in jepordy. So I finally go in there because I just cant take it anymore, (Im so weak, I know) and she's dragged her 6 little teeth along the top of the wooden bar of her crib and scraped the stain off the whole thing!...can you say psycho? I think I'll hang onto the program for when she hits adolescence.

Keep in mind too, that this is a particularly bad winter. I cant go anywhere without people mentioning how crappy they feel and how the cold and snow are getting the better of them. It's bad, but it WILL be over soon!
It will be nice when we can go outside again and enjoy the nice day instead of being cooped up.
Its kinda silly, but for some reason Ive had this quote in my head for the past few weeks and it makes me feel better to say it.
From the fish on Finding Nemo, (Im such a dork), "Just keep swimming, swim swim swimming"
I think I like it because it makes me chuckle when i say it in my head, never gets old...

So THINK SPRING and remember, you'll feel better soon...hey how far along the program are you?
Ooh, maybe you could join a fun class in the morning when your kids go to preschool! Something non-mommy-related preferrably. And make sure its something that you really really like so you wont want to back out of it at the last second; swimming, pottery, stich and bitch, (though Im not sure wine and mornings mesh well), maybe just go sit in Panera and get a good Marie Claire magazine and a tea and a bagel and enjoy sitting for more than 5 minutes uninterrupted! That could be good for you!

I hope you feel some relief soon, I'm pulling for ya!
Marcy

Winter is new for me; it's only my second one....a co-worker of mine told me, "no winter lasts forever and no season skips Spring". I keep repeating that whenever I look outside. LOL.

I wasn't home with my kids for very long (my husband is a stay-at-home dad), but I gotta say....NOBODY has a harder job than you guys. It is the single most selfless job anyone can do. It's hard; there's no breaks, you don't go home at 5:00 and you're on call 24/7.

My husband went through a serious funk when he started staying at home. It was a really hard adjustment for him. Ours are school age now, so he's gone back to school.

Just interacting with other adults - that doesn't discuss or talk about kids - can really help. It's that "you" time that we all need. It's okay to be a little selfish sometimes...and what's healthy for us is healthy for our kids.

KitKat you are so right. I just recently met a nice female friend. For once I visited her without the kids and I felt so calm...so peaceful...better than any day with Xanax. I really didn't want to go home.....but the love for them made me. Thank you for that wonderful input and the reassurance that we all need.

My children are 10, 11, and 13. I felt just like you did. Looking back and recently trying to change my anger, depression and inability to enjoy the moment I started the program. I was driving down the road and saw a mother enjoying time with her toddler and I felt horrible. I did not take time to enjoy the moments of my children. I did not sit and treasure the moments to play with them. The moments are gone and now I work. I adore my kids I am ashamed I did not learn earlier to make the most of our treasured time with happy and innocent children. I have instilled a lot of my anger and stress into my children at this point and anxiety. I know am on the road to fix myself and to help them see my mistakes, help them to get through life better than I did and most importantly learn to slow down, relax and enjoy the moment. As a stay home mom I was always stressing about what needed to get done, trying to make the future time easier stressing to keep everything clean and meals ready. I lost so much not just sitting and watching them. Enjoy the moments,,in a blink they are grown.

Hi,

I'm a stay at home myself, and I know what you are feeling, sometimes I just want to runaway from it all, and forget everything. We need our "self time", but lately I don't that, if I go in my room, my kids follow me, if I go to the bathroom, one of them is there, I have 3 kids, ages are 19, 6, and 13 months old, my 19 yr old moved out, but now he is moving back in, maybe I can get a little help from him which would be nice. my 6 yr old goes to school, so that's a big help, but then it's just me and the baby, and sometimes it's so hard to get anything done around here, because she always wants my attention, and that is the hardest part. I can't wait for it to get warmer, then I can bring them to the park, and not be cooped up in the house, for me I get to take a walk in the morning when I bring my 6 yr old to school, I have 10 minutes alone when I walk home, it's nice and I listen to my ipod, this is the longest I have stayed home, I've been home since last august, and sometimes I just don't know what to do with myself, I try and do other things, maybe a puzzle or what have you, but can't. All my friends work during the day, so I can't call them for a visit, wish I could, then I would get out of the house more often.

Up until last fall I felt like I was losing my mind as a stay at home MOM. I did homeschool my son-14-a couple of yrs. and that really took all my time. But, last fall for some reason I started closing my bedrm door-and when it got opened anyway-I started locking it. Not for a long period of time but just for a bit-I call it "going to the mountain time. " I also have that time after 10 at night until I decide to go to sleep-if I can. It has greatly decreased my stress level. It would be harder to do with babies tho-is there anytime they are asleep during the day that you could get a little you time?
But, even tho I do get that time-I feel guilty for taking the time to post on here-esp. if there is anything else that needs my attention. I got so upset last night-I hope I never have to go down that rd again-as I posted on here to a woman that is "trying not" to get involved with a married man w/kids. My son didn't know what I was so upset about-that took way too much energy-and I prob made sev more enemies with that post too. I wish I had never read that post or that I could have ignored it. The subject line just said....sticky situation...so I didn't know I was opening a can of worms until I read about 1/2 of it. then my blood began to boil-my Dad left my Mom and 5 of us for a younger woman at work-after being married to Mom 25 yrs. And all that ole pain came to the surface and I let her have it all. I was so tired when I finished that post I had to call it a day and vowed to myself I would NOT ever get back on the site again. I would work the program and not do the forums.
Thank God an old friend I hadn't seen in forever just out of the blue stopped by just after church today and now I am alot better-I got an email on this subject and decided to try again. I think I will do better just staying on the parenting and prayer forums-I can post on chronic illness and IBS at 51 I have had these problems for 9 yrs. now. I am a widow now for almost 6 yrs.
Staying home isn't for everybody for sure. But, I guess it is 2nd nature to me as my Mom stayed home with all of us. We had a big neighborhood tho and we were always outside with other kids. We would take turns staying at each other's houses! It was GREAT! My Mom got her time. but, nowadays we can't turn our kids loose so much. I live in a good neighborhood the school is a rock's throw and there's lots of monkey bars and swings and basketball goals-my son loves to skateboard there too-but recently we had a man here who was convicted of molesting a little girl-he didn't reg when he got out of jail. the law enforsement notified the public about him-they finally found him-he and his wife were sleeping in a van and guess where? They would move every night to a diff public park! here and to the surrounding towns they would spend the night and move to another one by nightfall the next night. So, NObody let's their kids out of sight. It is a shame.
Well, I haven't any suggestions-just wanted you to know you aren't alone! LOL LOL LOL
We just have to be creative when it comes to surviving with our kids! My G-daughter is 6-my duaghter works-I mentioned to her recently how much her brother is doing for himself now-he has to with all my phys. problems-she says-she can't wait till her daughter can do those things! I assured her the time would come and it would come really FAST! It does. They are babies for what seems like forever until they are grown and then it seems like they were never little!
I don't know if I helped any-today I am not so sure I should even be on this site after last night! I would prob make someone who was already sick-sicker. I got one reply to that post and I don't even remember who it was from-it wasn't a very positive reply tho-so who knows maybe this isn't for me. I am so tired of being alone.
Take it Easy,
Deb^J^

I know the feelings your talking about all too well. I have 5 kids ages ranging between 17 and 8. I was a stay at home mom up until about 2 years ago. I loved being able to stay home with my kids. It was so important for me to be home with them. But at the same time, there were times when I thought I would completely loose my mind. My husband has always worked some pretty long hours. And lets face it when the kids are small there's not much conversation going on there. Sometimes it felt like my own house was a prison. When I did get the chance to go out on my own I never knew what to do with myself. I think because those times alone maybe don't happen all that often we feel let down because it just didn't live up to what we were hoping for. I don't know if that makes any sense. It took me a long time to realize that I shouldn't expect too much from my time without the kids. Try not to anticipate what you might do or where you might go. Just go with the flow. Sometimes even though it doesn't sound like much just going out a taking a walk around the block and having a cup of tea after can make the world of difference. I also know the guilt you feel sometimes when you do get the chance to go out alone. You feel like you shouldn't want to get away from your kids. I believe it's more normal to want some time away than not to want it. We all need some time to ourselves, just to clear our heads. Get a new outlook on things. You appreciate what you have at home more when you have a chance to be away even just for a couple of hours. And wanting that time is NOTHING to feel guilty about. It does nothing but good for both you and your family.

Has anyone else heard about the MOMS Club? MOMS stands for Moms Offering Moms Support. I found out about it when my son was three - I wish I had known about it sooner. It was a way to get out of the house and talk to other Moms while our kids played. When you go from working full time to staying home full time, its hard to find other moms in the same boat.

Now that my son is 6 we aren't as involved, but the connections we made and local parenting resources we found out about were invaluable.

We didn't attend the monthly meetings - too anxiety provoking for me and my shy son didn't appreciate them either. BUT the monthly newsletter is chock full of opportunities to meet and interact with other stay at home moms and their kids. There is also a Mom's Night Out once a month - I've only attended 2 - eating in restaurants can be anxiety producing for me - and I found the family stuff during the day to be more of what I/he needed.

You might give it a try.

I can completely relate to so much of what everyone is saying on here about staying at home W/ kids. I was a stay at home mom for almost six years until my daughter started school. Shortly after she was born was when my anxiety & panic started. I was afraid to be home alone with her all day because when my panic & anxiety was at its worse I would constantly fear something awful would happen to me and she would be alone. For several years as soon as my husband would leave for work, I would get her & myself ready and we would stay at my mother's house until my husband got off from work. I lost out on so much bonding time, because I was always worring about EVERYTHING! Another reason I wouldn't stay at my home was because there had been a shooting close to my house at the time. Even though everyone involved had been arrested it still teriffied me. After she started school I actually gained enough confidence to go back to college and get a job with our local school system. I now work the same hours she is in school and even though I am working at a different school I still take & pick her up eveyday. I do not regret staying home for those years I just wish I had been able to enjoy them more. I still struggle with anxiety & panic everyday, however, somehow working around other adults & children eveyday and having a steady schedule seems to help. I agree that being a stay at home mom is the hardest but most rewarding job!!
God Bless!

Hi Kris 10. I'm new here today, but when I read the first two sentences you wrote, I thought we were twins. My daughter just turned 5 and my son 3. I'm a stay at home mom & grateful to be too and guilty when stressed too. I'm stressing about "Kindergarten" starting soon. My IBS is in overdrive today. I'm doubting if I "belong" here. I'm not confiding in my husband about the program yet, but I also think he would benefit from it too, but also have an even harder time than me of admitting to it. I constantly struggle with what to do with my time and not having enough of it. In fact, the guilt is kicking in now for doing this instead of laundry, etc.. Did you also think being at home would give you the time to do everything you wanted and keep the house perfect, etc... only to find the total opposite? I feel overwhelmed and under-accomplished most of the time. It's definately reassuring to find people that feel the same way. But I'm also afraid I'll bable on forever now that I've found people who can relate! I've looked at postings several times before today, but am always to chicken to respond until now. Have you found these forums helpful?

I have been a stay at home Mom for 12 years. (just started working part time a few months ago) My kids ages are a 12 yr old two 11 yr olds and a 7 yr old. It was very hard, exspecially when they were babys. I too was gratefull that I was able to stay home but It can drive you a little crazy and flair up the anxiety. Here are some things I did to stay calm. I joined a gym with a great child care area. My kids loved to go when they were little because it got them out too. Not to mention keeping myself in shape. Exercise is like therapy for me. I walked alot with my tripple stoller with headphones and MY music, and later rollerbladed while they rode bikes with traing wheels. And the best thing i did was to join a mothers group. The first one was through the hospital and then the Moms that clicked, we formed our own group and would rotate houses or go to the parks. Dont get me wrong it was hard to not feel isolated at times but now that my kids are getting bigger and more independent I REALLY miss those days. So try to get out and make the best because it does go by way way way too fast. Hope I helped a little. Hugs Nicki