Looking for any advice regarding adoption. My husband and I are in our mid40's and starting the adoption process. We are looking at two different counties for a special needs child about ages 7-12.

Has anyone gone through adoption? Any suggestions or things to be careful or aware of. The waiting seems to be the biggest hurtle now. Just waiting for call backs from some agencies regarding classes we should be attending. The anxiety is a bit ....elevated and I seem to be just haveing sleeping issues. Stop the "what if" thinking and catastrophising. I'm so glad I'm almost through the program; it has helped my anxiety sooo much! Any suggestions? Any good resources out there like web sites or books?

I'm sorry nobody has posted a reply. I was curious myself about the responses you'd get. Have you found anything on your own since this posting?

Thanks!
Heather

That's so nice of you to reply Heatherbythesea. We are learning a lot and talking together alot about an adoption. A great parenting book we're reading is "Parenting with Love and Logic". It has a lot of examples regarding how to be a calm, involved and loving parental figure to young ones who need boundaries. Local county adoption agencies have been a big source of information as well as local web sites on children available within our state...Colorado. It's a bit overwhelming at times and just wonderful anticipation that if all things fall into place, we will have a new member of our family. Yeah! Thanks for your reply, thanks for your interest. You're a real sweetheart! -Peace to you Anne

Hi!

I am an adoption/foster care social worker in Virginia. Congrats on the decision to adopt! It is a wonderful journey and will bring you much joy and happiness. And like any parent, you will have challenges too!

Anyway, a good website is adoptuskids.org. Two good books to read are by Kathy Harrison and focus on foster care but she is an adoptive parent as well- One Small Boat and Another Place at the Table.

Do you have specific questions? I might not know about your state or county but I can offer some general advice.

As far as 'what if' thinking, of course you are doing that! Once you meet these kids- a lot of that goes away. They are just kids- wonderful, funny, silly and will drive you crazy

Thanks Virginia girl for the post. I'm going to check out those two books at amazon.com Any hints on what to expect during a home study? I'm nervous about that. Will there be a group of people walking through my house, checking out closets and drawers. Do they surprise you and show up unannounced? Can we just be comfortable and wear jeans or should we wear our Sunday best? Are the interviews meant to be intimidating? Should we clear the dining room table and expect to use that for the interviews? Just a bit nervous and curious. Thanks for any help & insight! -Anne

HI Life is better,

I would not stress at all during the homestudy. I do about 30 homestudies a year and really my goal is to get to know the family really well so that we can make a good match. I don't know what state you live in or if you are going through training so that makes a difference as to how the process works. I generally visit a family about 5 times and I meet with the husband and wife once, individually. Are you going with a public or private agency?

I would make sure your home is clean but not perfect. The social worker isn't going to evaluate your decorating or your closets (believe me, I don't want someone coming to my house to do that!). A lot depends on the requirements of your state- Virginia is very lax as far as safety. I tend to look for different things depending on what age child you are interested in. If you are interestd in younger kids (ie toddler age) then start baby-proofing now. Once you get a placement you will not have time. If you are interested in a baby, maybe start collecting baby things. And if you are interested in school age kids, put away (lock up) matches and dangerous household items including alcohol and certainly keep firearms locked with ammunition stored seperately.

I prefer to interview in a comfortable place like the living room, I feel kind of formal in a dining room- that's my personal preference. I would never try to intimidate a family - most social workers would not. We are trained to look for a family's strengths and bring to light any difficulties you have had in your past (s). That being said, many people have had hard or difficult times and they make great foster/adoptive parents. It's how you weathered the storms- that's what we're interested in. That shows that you can guide a child through their storms and advocate for him or her. We're also looking to hear your 'life story' about how you were parented, how you were disciplined, how you dealt with challenges and loss, and how you may deal with cultural differences (it's that's going to be an issue depending on the demographics of where you live.)

Try not to be nervous, be honest (that's first and foremost) and remember, it's called a homestudy but really they aren't so much coming to look at your home as to get to know you.

Feel free to ask more questions, I am happy to answer them!

-Karen

Thanks Virginia girl, What a great resource you are! Thanks for your suggestions, esp. about locking up matches, etc. We need to childproof our
home and some more of the tv channels too. There's a lot to think about and prepare for. We just finished a second class on adoption and it really opened our eyes to what a child has gone through and some behaviors to expect.
Are the homestudy questions done separatly? For example, my husband is questioned seperatly from me? Should we offer them snacks & soda's; that type of thing or keep it simple? I figure a house walk through is one of the first things that is done? The garage and shed and yard will be "inspected"? Can you share some of the questions that will be asked or is that a no-no? I figure it may be easier to not even think about what might be asked. Just go with the flow. And since we have two dogs, we should just let them be as they normally are. Not locked up in the back yard. They are friendly dogs once they know that strangers are accepted in the front door by my husband or myself. Any recommendations?
Thanks for your wisdom as it's really appreciated! Peace -Anne

I have adopted from Guatemala. The process is stressful but if you want a child bad enough...
There are tons of good adoption books out there. Make sure you pick a reputable, well established agency. It would be good to pick a few countries and then pick an agency that works there. Wide Horisons has a good rep and they are all over. Smaller ones are better in terms of attention but have limited number of countries. You also want to check how stable the adoption process is in a country before sending any money. The Hague treaty has created problems for US folks. I know some countries have shut their doors. Those are all risks that come with the territory. Interview the agencies and pick their brains before settling on one. Get references and talk to folks who've used them. CHeck out the internet for adoption groups and ask folks.

My wife and I went the foster to adopt route and now have three children. The process was long and complicated. Biological parental rights had to be dissolved before we could begin the adoption process. Also, there is no guarantee that bio-visitation won't be a part of the adoption decree.

We had a great lawyer with plenty of experience with adoptions. I would suggest interviewing several lawyers if you choose the foster to adopt route. I've heard some horror stories.

Be glad to discuss in more detail if you're interested.

Hello.. At one time I was also thinking about adoption..I was signed onto a website called
Harrah's Internation Adoption site ..
It was really interesting and they seem like a very honest & trustworthy place to look..
You should check out there website...If you have any problems do a google seach for Harrahs Adoption ..