I'm having a hard time letting my daughter go and become more self-suficiant(can't spell). How do I let her go, and learn from her mistakes, when I don't want her to make them! I want her in a bubble for at least 10 more years, when she is 24 maybe I'll let her out HELP! Any suggestions?

Hi Elisa,

You did not say how old your daughter is so that makes a difference. If she is still young you do need to supervise her but not in a bubble so to speak. I just went through that with my kids when they left for college and overseas in the military. I had a real hard time but I have learned to let go and let them grow up. Its a process. Think of each thing that happens in their life and ask "Am I holding too tight or does my daughter need me to say no at this age?" They will start pushing against you and turning against you if you hold too tight and then you have no choice but to let go. Don't let that happen to you. they will come back to you as soon as they are sure you have let them grow up. Mine did and its so nice to have them come now and ask me life questions for my advice. Mine are 20,21,24. But don't get me wrong I still want to hold on but have to tell myself "NO" its not healthy. Hope this helps you. San

Hello San My daughter is 14, and I have a son who is 12, but my daughter has bipolar, and she makes interesting decisions(I'm being polite). I'm trying not to hold on to tight, because I know she'll rebell more, but it's hard. I need to pray more on this, and maybe an answer is out there, and thanks for your advice!

Elisa,
being 14yrs old for boy or girl is difficult.The are learning to be independent and gain thier own ideas about life.You mention your daughter is bi-polar which adds to that mix. Is she on meds and if so, are they keeping her stable and is she taking them. As long as she lives in YOUR house it is fair that she follow your rules, even though she may get angry, rebel, etc. Being a mom myself, i was very overprotective with my children because of my childhood, not wanting them out of my sight either, in turn they were both very afraid of the world for a long time. Unfortuntely, they couldnt learn from my mistakes, but had to learn from their own. We all do. Of course you cant "Let her Go" yet, shes only 14, but you can give her boundaries and set boundaries for yourself to.. Take care Nelly

Hello Mello Nello

Nice talking to you shortly on chat, but I was wondering how old are your kids? The thing with my daughter is that she wants to have a boyfriend, and I think she's too young at age 14 to be serious with anyone. I've already talked to the boys mother(with my daughter knowledge), and told her everything about my daughter with bipolar, and how I don't want her to be serious with her son, and she agreed with me that they are to young to get serious, but maybe they can do somethings together with us(parents) around. So today I'm taking them and my son to a hockey game Thanks for your advice, and maybe I'll get the courage to stay at the chat room, and chat with you there Elisa

Elisa,
Your very welcome. My kids are grown now, they are 34 and 35. They were born 10 months apart, a boy and a girl. So the teens yrs were frantic, being they were both teens at the same time. Its great you talked to the boys mom, and yes 14 is young to have a serious boyfriend. My kids couldnt have any boy or girlfriends till they were 16. But, i undertand completely what your saying and you did the right thing. Take CareNelly

I think I'm getting a handle on this It's very hard to let go of our kids, but they do have to live their own lives and make thier own choices. On lesson 4 cd, the lady who's baby could of had lukimea(can't spell), she expressed herself in the best way, because Lucinda mentioned about her boy being rowdy, and she agreed that her son is the same way, but she had to accept the way he is, and just love him. Elisa

I think we have to consider what the consequences can be if we don't let go of our children at the appropriate time, and that can vary with each child to some degree. It really depends on the child's personality and makeup as to setting healthy boundaries for them. Some children need more supervision than others at different ages. But, ready or not, at some point we have to let them go and and allow them to try their own wings. This would ofcourse be in the mid to late teen years. I guess it's a delicate balancing act, but in the end the objective is for the child to set healthy boundaries for him or herself as they mature and to establish healthy behaviors which benefit them rather than destroy them. Not letting go can cause some children to become unhealthily dependent on the parents and cause others to rebel which also can lead to self destructive behavior.

I have also been diagnosed as bi-polar by three different psychiatrists, but bi-polar meds have never worked for me. I don't exhibit abnormal behaviors of some bi-polars, such as excessive spending, hearing voices and such, but I have my own problems which have greatly benefited from the MWC program and my working with it over a three year period. I did have fairly severe problems dealing with the real world in my early adult years even though I tried to hide them as much as possible. Whether I am truly bi-polar, I honestly don't know.

I think the best thing we can do as parents is the best we can for our children, love them unconditionally, believe in them, and always be available to them. Hopefully this will lay the foundation for a meaningful and lasting relationship with them after they have left our home.

It is difficult navigating the waters as a parent as a child grows. I've probably made more mistakes than many, but the whole experience was worth it and I'd do it all over again if I had the opportunity.

Thank You Don for your input, I do have my daughter read what's posted on here, so she sees that I'm not the only one concerned of her kids I'll have you in my prayers, because I know about being mis-diganosed(can't spell), and meds. not working, so I am glad that I found this program, it's helped a lot Take care, Elisa

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Elisa,

I'm putting this here, so when my daughter does reads this, she knows that I Love her, and even because we had a little set back, I'm trying hard to trust and understand your situations, and belive that you'll make the correct decisions. I hope more people will give their inputs here, so you can read that you are not alone, parents do get involved in thier childrens lives, and want to help. Take care, Elisa(mom)