SORRY THIS IS A LONG POST ( but please read if you can)

Hello, I haven't been posting anywhere much. I'm on lesson 6.

I �m having a very very
bad night.

So desperate, stressed, anxiety, sad, almost feel like the life is being sucked right out of me. You name it.

I am crabbing on to anything at this moment. Not sure what to do!
So I logged on to the forum.
NOT to many people used to post here on parent to parent.

I thought I give it an another try so I logged on.
I think I used to be the only one and WOW

I saw the "Spoiled Teen post�

I think God led me here tonight.

It's midnight I want to sleep, I�m failing asleep at the computer.

But I am afraid to sleep.

You see my 15-year-old son is on speed right now. I picked him up at 8.30 from his dad�s house to night.
He was there for two days.

He has spent the last week with me sense he got out of jail for violating his probation for doing speed.

A LITTLE HISTORY
He has always lived with me until 2 years ago when I got sick and I asked his father to just keep him for a week so I could rest.

Well the rotten guy that my ex. Is applied for state aid and started suing me for child support.

My son started getting into some trouble when he was with me and my new husband who is a good person.

My son however got into huge trouble all the time at his fathers home and his father did not let me know this until it was too late!

Courts really can't help much because of my son�s age and the fact he doesn't want to leave his dad because his dad needs him and the money he brings to his father.

BACK TO WHATS GOING ON NOW!
I�m not sure if my son will zone out and burn the house down or what?
He can�t sleep and he is seeing things not bad things,
just if a car goes by he thinks they are all racing the cops.

I tried calling the help line the only thing I could do if I could catch him if which is almost if not completely impossible.

Take him to the county mental unite and lie and say he�s trying to kill him self or hurt us and

HE thank God is not!

His father knew that my son did this drug and did not tell me until after I picked him up.

His father also told him to drink a ton of this weird juice and gave him some kind of vitaiam pill!
So he can wash it out of his system before tomorrow.

You see he is in a court order drug program and it�s not that helpful they said that they would test him for drugs every now and than.

And guess what his P.O. called me today to do it.

Well I did not know about my son smoking this speed until tonight. I told my sons P.O. he's been good here but he went to his dads two days ago.

Part of my son�s probation is if he messes up he goes to a group home.

Well anyhow my sons P.O is coming to my house tomorrow to test him.

I don�t know why my son did the drugs he knew he could be randomed tested at any time.

He told me he was bored at his dad�s house and at my house too. that why he did the drugs.

I'm afraid my sons is extremely abusing drugs he is smoking speed.

I don�t know what tomorrow will bring.
I�m sad It looks like my son will be sent away. I'm what if and so on right now.

I am learning my in this stress program not to do what if and if only, however I'm still not ok and I guesss I won't be but I'll try to be less effected and more effective for my own health and my families.

Good by for now
and best to all the parents.

Frosty........I am so sorry, I do understand. My only salvation was Chatholic Charities, which paid for my son's rehab. You have to distance yourself from your son, tough love, it is hard but you must do it. I still blame myself alot, but I do know it is my son who choses to do drugs, not me. You should not hide his problem from his PO he needs help. Talk to the PO, tell them he has a drug problem and needs rehab, not jail, and not a group home. Trust me, once my son was in rehab I was able to get some sleep knowing at least he was safe. Hope this helps....you both are in my thoughts,
Karen