I successfully completed this program many years ago, when it actually came on tapes instead of CDs. It is a very powerful program and left me stress and anxiety free for years. However, 4 years ago the unthinkable happened; my 18 year old son died unexpectedly of an acute asthma attack. I just can't seem to get myself back together, even though I know the program. I'm very overprotective of my 21 year old daughter - to the point, I sometimes think, of making her crazy. Comments? Suggestions?

Dear SSilvers,

I am so sorry that you lost your son 4 years ago. I can truly sympathise because I lost my 42 year old daughter 16 months ago. That is the reason I'm taking this program. I had experienced A/P/D off and on for over 30 years but after Whendy's death it came back virulently.

I began this program in March and am on session 9 right now. I have to tell you it's been of tremendous help to me and I am beginning to feel much better. We all go through the grieving process differently and at various lengths. The pain will always be there but I almost feel that she is encouraging me through the sessions. I would suggest to take the program again eventhough you have done it before. I know I will repeat some of the sessions as I need them.
You will feel better! Being overprotective with your other children is understandable. I have a son, 41 who went through a terrible depression himself after his siter died. He too is coming out of it and we talk and share our feelings and are helping each other this way.
Taking the program has helped the fears of all of my other loved ones dying and leaving me [or the fear of dying myself]...many have through my lifetime.

I hope you decide to go through the sessions again and I wish you the very best. Life will never be the same however we have to make the best of it and go on....

Know that your son would want you to be happy again

From one who feels your pain

Hugs

Barbara U. Cherish

I wish I could be there with you and just put my arms around your shoulder and tell you that everything is going to okay...but I there is not way for me to be there and I wouldn't be telling you the truth if I told you that. Four years and people don't understand why you are not "over" this, right? We never get over it - God brings us through it...and now our "friends" sort of turn away when we happen to mention our sorrow. As you read on my thread and graciously anwered me - our 18 yr. old grandson was tragically killed in an auto accident, I not only grieve for Etan, but for his parents (my son) and his siblings (who by the way are 24 and 20) and have moved back home so they can all be together. Have you gone to grief couseling? I FINALLY did. I asked for one that uses a pastoral or christian background and I was fortunate to get a lovely wowan, who actuallyhas wept with me. I am still using the CD's faithfully and they are helping, but God, the pain is so real and the hurt is bad that somedays we just can't handle it...right? I went to the internet and linked up with "grief" - how to handle, and made up my own booklet that pertains only to what we are going through...also, I am reading "The courage to Grieve" by Judy Tatelbaum - wonderful book. I have written letters to Ethan in my journal and told him things that I should have said when we were together and I know he reads my words as I write them. My heart and soul reaches out to you - Pray Hard! - even through the tears - and try and give your daughter a little space - she lost her brother and is dealing with the only way she knows how. We all grieve differently and none of them is wrong.
We have a couple of huge mountains to get over this month - senior graduation, baccularate and his services at the cemetery. (we live in a small rural community) and everyone knew Ethan -not a saint - but a red blooded American boy with a ready smile for everyone that loved life to the fullest. So please pray for us as well.
I hope I have helped. May God grant you His peace, courage, strengh, understanding and most of all His Love. Hugs, Judy

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass ~ it's learning to dance in the rain."

Dear Barbara and luvlife,

Thank you for sharing your stories and for your support. It really helps me feel less alone in my fight to find a new normalcy.

I will dig the tapes back out and start going through them again. Best wishes to both of you; know you are not alone.

Hugs,
Sheri

Dear luvlife,

I am so sorry about your 18 year old grandson. Hearing from others who have lost a child is very comforting to me..I have posted and told my story but had not heard from anyone with whom I could share this grief.

My heart reaches out to you both.

Hugs

Barbara

I was reading your post and my spirit went out to you. I lost my first son and to be honest it was a trying time for me, and yes it caused me to be very protective over my other son Camnik and I will pray for you with an open heart that the Lord God brings you the comfort and release you need to deal with such a hard thing, I can tell you thi just put the Lord in your prayers everyday say His Name daily Jesus and time will heeal the pain I know it sem hard but believe me in time it will become more easy for you to understand and move to a comfort of peace with the passing of Him, Let me say this to you "Never forget the positive love for this son and know no matter how it feels or seems God has it all in control and the Lord will now be with him always no mor worries here because He is now under the protection of teh Lord and this is the truth.

Hi Sheri,

I too had a son who died. He was 24 years old and died of cancer December 26, 2000. I offer my condolenscences to you and your family. It is not an easy road.

That hollow feeling you have in the pit of your stomach (I know it's there.) - that is your son so don't try to get rid of that feeling. Breathe into it and welcome it. Allow the tears to come and grieve as deeply as you need to. This is something you will never get over but it does get easier to bear.

Are you and your daughter able to sit and talk? Can she set limits for you? Can you honor those limits? You'll feel anxiety and tears while honoring her limits but you can still do it, and in time you will be able to relax more with what she is asking of you.

Life is a risk. None of us can escape this and the sooner we accept this the sooner we can come to terms with what has happened. You will still grieve. You will still cry, but you will be able to function better on a day to day level. This takes time so give yourself all the time you need. I continue to grieve daily. My son is my first thought in the morning and my last thought at night. It's OK. Don't let anyone tell you differently. Not even your M.D. I plan on grieving until my dying day and I am at peace with that.

Do seek out a grief counselor to help guide you. You'll probably only need to see him or her once or twice. A minister can be equally as qualified. Someone who specializes in the grief process.

Yes, do bring out the program and do it again. I used this program during my son's illness. It helped me tremendously.

It is very common for anxiety to spring its head again with such a tragic experience. Very common. It does not mean you are going back to being an anxious mess. You have the tools now to help you through. Anyone would be anxious and distraught after such a loss.

Many blessings to you. The people on this thread understand and you are not alone.

Luvlife,

I don't know what it is like, nor can I imagine, loosing a child. My heart goes out to you. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I believe in the power of this program and I know you will find your way through this unimaginable situation. You will remain in my thoughts and prayers.

Love
mj

Thanks, Barbara and Sheri - It has not been 6 months yet for us, so everything is still so fresh in our minds. Please know that I, too, share all of your pain and yes, it is so good to be able to share with someone that truly understands the situations. I started the progam after Ethan's death as well and it is helping - to some extent. But there are other aspects that come in to play - depression, anxiety, fear (that's a big one) and sleep depervation to just mention a few. A lotta' "stuff" to work through and only by the Grace of God will we make it.

My prayers will be with all of you. Hugs, Judy

God bless you mj, I will take all the prayers that are offered. Blessings, Judy

Boon,

Thank you for everything you said. Actually, I am setting limits for myself with my daughter. She is also pretty understanding of me most of the time, or at least she tries to be. It's hard to let her go, but I do have a close friend who is helping me though it - she keeps me in check when I get too overprotective.

I can tell from this thread that I should get back on the program, at least for awhile.

Thank you all for your support and reassurance that the program can help me get through this.

To each of you that has suffered this kind of loss. MY HEART ACHES FOR YOU AS WELL AS MYSELF.
I lost my baby boy Haydn 2 months ago. It was a stillbirth. I have a daughter that is 11. She wants to go spend the night with friends and have friends over but I just can't deal with that yet. I need her with me. I even considered homeschooling her to have her with me but instead did let her return to school. So I do understand being overprotective. I find I need her for a distraction too. She has been so grown up and caring for me. I find myself not wanting to be around any babies or small children. The pain is so intense when I see babies. I have a neice and nephew on my husbands side that had a baby boy 3 weeks before we had Haydn. I find I don't want to see or be around them at all. They brought their baby boy over the day I lost my baby. I find I'm resenting this so. I know I will have to let this go and go on. Our lives were supposed to change and be filled with joy. We had so many plans and dreams. Now our lives are devastated. I am functioning much to the credit of the program and I know God. I've wondered if there were others on the forums who had suffered the loss of a child. Do any of you ever go to the chat rooms, if so I would like to know and get a chance to chat with you.
Please keep me and mine in your prayers as you and yours will be in mine.
Your Friend
Angla

Dear SSilvers,

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your son. My son was shot February 1, 2008 the doctors say about 3 or 4 times not sure. He has 5 holes in the front of his chest and three holes on his back, go figure? I guess the way the bullets traveled. He lived, and well I understand about you being over protective. I don't even want my son to leave the house. He's sixteen years old. I don't know when being overprotective will go away or if it ever will. It's just because we love our children so much! I'm sure your daughter knows deep inside that it's because you love her so very much! I will keep you in my prayers! Glad you're redoing the progam, I know it will help you alot. It's helping me tremendously.

Your friend, Dee

I am so sorry for your loss. We had a miscarraige and it was incredibly sad. I hope you are a person of faith, and therefore can see that your dear baby has a soul which lives eternally.