As I'm recovering from panic, I'm now suddenly noticing more how messy my house is. It's like I'm uncluttering my mind now I want to unclutter my home too and feel more calm and "normal."

My kids rooms are so chock full of toys it really needs to be decluttered. . .plus, we tend to be messy all over and I want to help them learn to help more.

My kids are 8 and 5. What chores do your younger kids do? I mainly just make them put away dirty clothes and dishes and pick up toys. I have been rewarding them with marbles in a jar that they can trade in for cash later. What do you do in your home?

I have heard of Flylady.com but I'm not that good with following a strict step by step. I'm more fluid and want to be able to learn to clean as I go.

Any naturally neat people want to share how you do it?

Hi, I try to be as clean as possible, but my husband is very sloppy and says I OCD on our cleaning. So untrue, before I met him my house was much cleaner. I have a 2 year old that makes a mess and an 11 year old that is learning bad habits from his stepfather. He never picks up his plate after he is done. He always leaves dirty clothes or even dirty diapers around. I get soooooooooooo frustrated and mad, it causes me to go into anxiety chaos. During couples counseling I told my therapist and husband that I wanted the house a mess because in my head I already have clutter. Did it help? NO. Any suggestions?

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Originally posted by curlygirl:
During couples counseling I told my therapist and husband that I wanted the house a mess because in my head I already have clutter. Did it help? NO. Any suggestions?

Do you mean you DON'T want it a mess?

I don't have any suggestions other than now that we're getting along better we're helping each other more and not saying "your job/my job" as much.

I'm still waiting for a good day to declutter my son's room but I have to have him out of the house to do it.

You know I sure could use help in this area. Organizing my wardrobe is a constant problem and paperwork! Now I've started a home business and there's more paperwork. HELP..............

I use plastic bins with labels to organize paper and for mail I throw away ALL junk mail the moment I bring it in the house.

Yes you are right I meant no mess. I agree when my family helps clean I feel better and appreciate and am fond of my husband. That is very odd. How did you get to a better place?

Three things.

We are going to marriage counseling.

We went to the Weekend to Remember.

I'm talking to a life coach that specializes in panic attacks.

Bit by bit things are getting so much better. I made a decision that I was going to do everything I could to make our lives better and happier.

We had a rough couple years. Our business failed, we lost everything and had to file bankruptcy and move back to the city so we could get jobs. My husband fell into a deep depression and then his mother got sick and died.

It took him 3 different jobs to find one he liked. Finally he was settle and liking his job but suddenly I realized it wasn't just circumstances that did it. Our marriage had become really angry and controlling and both of us had tried to only do "our job" as well as we were bickering all the time.

Now that we went to the conference and couseling and decided to help each other and try to think of each other and not ourselves all the time things changed.

You take that along with the fact that I was suffering from panic disorder. . .which makes us selfish anyway, it was time to decide to change.

I try to think of others more and myself less and I try to make less drama in my life.

And, I decided to do every little thing I could to make my life less stressful. Part of that is the housework. Now, this week has been bad because we have had swim lessons for the kids . . .but before that we were doing a lot better. Instead of saving everything to the weekend, I've been trying to spend 30-40 minutes a night cleaning. It helps a lot.

Also we help each other when we can even if it's not "my job". The first time Jim sat down and said "let me help you fold this laundry" it really helped me feel better!! Now, he wasn't the first to make that move either. I did the dishes for him one night . . I broke the ice. . and he was very surprised and touched that I did that for him.

I have never been a "neat freak"(I was recently labeled this). I always kept my house picked up, but never spottless. It wasn't until about three months ago that I began to flip out if my house was the least bit dirty. If I came home from work and one thing was out of place I would loose it. I have four teenage boys and they always have friends over. They told me I embarassed them because I went overboard in front of their friends. We came to an agreement that they could keep their rooms in whatever condition they wanted and I would not touch them, but they had to keep their shoes, games etc. out of the rest of the house. This has helped so much. I just don't understand why I suddenly am so obsessed with my house. I go home at lunch and clean. The minute I walk in after work I clean. I dust, vacuum, sweep, mop and clean the bathrooms two to three times a day. Could this be OCD? Has this happened to anyone else?

I'm not an expert on the subject but I have a couple of friends that are "neat freaks" and it always seems to me that it is a control issue. If you don't feel in control of other things in your life (don't know what that would be but I'm sure you would) sometimes you pick something that you CAN control, and focus on that, because it makes you feel more in control.

I've been known to get obsessed about certain things in the past.

I had a period of time where I would count things. . .or try to find patterns, especially if I was in a situation like being in a doctor's office waiting in that little room, etc.

I have found that for myself, that I have to give up on the things I do to comfort myself. For me lately it has been talking to anyone that would listen to every little detail and problem I was having. It seemed impossible to me that I would be able to stop. I thought it would just build up and explode. But, once I decided to not let my thoughts control me for example. . .I was free.

If I were you I'd try to go 2-3 days without cleaning and see what happens. Maybe even start off by not coming home at lunch and instead take a nice relaxing walk. It will feel horrible but once you see it doesn't kill you, maybe it won't have such a hold on you any more.

Chris,

You got me pegged already My sister told me that as as long as I am in control of everything I am fine, but the minute I loose control of something I fall apart.

I don't know if I can go 2-3 days without cleaning, but I will take your advice and not go home at lunch today. Baby steps.

I think that I am so afraid that someone will come over and my house will be a mess and they will think I am a slob. I know I shouldn't feel that way, but I don't want anyone to think badly of me. I do that enough on my own.

Lillie

OH yes. . .WPT (what people think) syndrome. I have that as well. . . but there is a cure hehehe.

I worry too about someone stopping by and seeing my house. It is really a mess though so it's a realistic fear. However, on the other hand, if someone is going to judge me by how my house looks I don't need them coming over anyway.

I told some friends of mine from my last house I lived in. . .that I hoped I could find some friends here in my new town that I could have over even when my house was a mess. That's a real friend. They come to see YOU!!

The crazy thing is I don't know anyone here. We recently moved to Texas from Oklahoma and I don't even have any friends yet. The only people who come over are my son's friends and who cares what teenage boys think. Right?

Well true but one time my husband and I almost didn't go on a date because our house wasn't clean enough for the sitter. haha

But then the next time the parents got done with dinner before we did (we were together) and they were going to go in and sit with her until we got back. I'm sure they wondered what was wrong with me when I flipped out about it.

There's a balance here somewhere. We'll find it.

Hi ladies,
I feel the same way. Before I got together with my husband, my house was so clean. Not anymore. Honestly, now I don't invite people over very often because the house is a mess. My husband tells me that he doesn't invite people over because he doesn't want to clean. I think that is so lame. We would have more people over and more fun if the house was clean. Now I pay my aunt $120 to clean twice a month. It helps me because I have back problems, the next day after she's done I can invite people over. For me, my 11 year old has friends over and I do clean the house, just in case their mom's peek in. I don't want them to think I am messy and clutter. Seriously, we shouldn't worry what others think. But, i do. I feel insecure about it. I tried the 30 minute clean-up each night, but my husband won't do it. He's very lazy, I know that sounds negative but its true. What to do!